Confessions of a Love Cynic
by EmiliaElliot18
Summary: "Love isn't real. Telling someone you love them is pretty much the biggest lie you can ever tell." A look at the world of love through the eyes of Bella, a Love Cynic. When Edward Cullen, actor, comes to Forks, will Bella get over her aversion to love?
1. I don't do famous

I pushed through the throng of wild fan girls that were flooding the entrance of the school, anxiously awaiting the arrival of _the_ Edward Cullen, the sexy single celebrity who was apparently to join the ranks of Forks High School today.

Personally, I couldn't give less of a fuck. I just wanted to get to class on time and avoid the wrath of my cranky first period teacher, who had probably been around since the flood.

Either way, I didn't really have any interest in mobbing the guy the instant he arrived like a bunch of raving paparazzi. It was weird enough that he was coming here, to Forks, Washington of all places. Being one of the smallest towns in the USA, we never had anything particularly exciting happening. It wasn't like this town had any scandals to brag about. The worst thing that had ever happened was when the Mayor was caught smoking a cigarette outside of his house one night.

So, when news got out that Edward Cullen, actor and singer, was coming to our small town, people started to…well, to put it bluntly…

Everyone freaked the fuck out.

Seriously. Every girl started buying new clothes, desperate to get his attention. The guys all started thinking of ways to become his best friend. My dad, chief of police, and the rest of his men, started preparing security for him.

No matter where I went, Edward Cullen seemed to be a priority.

And it didn't help that _every single girl_ in this school started cooking up fantasies about how he would lay eyes on her, fall helplessly in love, and whisk her away into a life of riches and romance.

That was the shit that fairytales were made out of. And real life is clearly not a fairy tale.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't blind or immune. Edward Cullen was as attractive as they came. His green eyes were beautiful and his hair always looked like a perfect disarray.

But even the golden boy of Hollywood must have some faults.

My dad, Charlie, had been in direct contact with Edward's parents ever since they decided to come here. Edward was getting too "caught up in Hollywood" and was "losing sight of who he was."

So the whole Cullen family was moving to Forks to see if they could reground their son and reinstate his morals.

I looked back over my shoulder at the girls who were waiting for his fancy car to pull up as I opened my locker.

"I hope he turns out to be gay."

I turned back around to see Jasper, my best friend, smirking at me.

"I think it'd be hilarious to see all these girls flip out when he decided to date Mike instead of one of them." His sarcasm made me smile.

"Oh, fess up, Jasper. You just want him to go for you," I said with a smirk of my own.

Jasper mock-gagged, and I laughed.

"This is disgusting. You'd think they'd realize he probably won't give any of them the time of day," I grumbled as I grabbed a few of my books from my slightly disorganized locker. "I mean, really. We all live in Forks. He's from Hollywood."

Jasper leaned back against the locker next to mine, pushing his hand through his blond, shaggy hair. "Who knows, Bella? I mean, Lauren is looking especially splendid today." He gestured to the blonde girl standing closest to the door. Her shirt barley covered her nipples and her skirt left just as little to the imagination.

"Oh yes... I'm sure Edward is going to _love_ the cooch shot he's sure to get," I said sarcastically.

Jasper snorted. "It's going to be a long day." He looked down at his watch and grimaced. "I've gotta go. If I even have a prayer of passing this calc test, I need to get as much studying in as possible before class starts."

"Good luck. If I don't get trampled by the pack of fan girls, I'll see you in third," I said with a grimace as I glanced at the girls yet again.

Once Jasper was out of sight, I reached down to grab the rest of the books I would need until my free period during fourth.

And then the shrieking started.

I looked back at the mob and could just barely make out the bronze head that was bouncing slightly above the rest.

"Edward! Oh my GOD! I love you so much!"

"I've seen every movie you've ever been in!"

"I own all your records! You have the voice of an angel!"

I laughed out loud at the last one. Mainly because a male voice said it.

I turned back around and grabbed my cellphone out of my jacket pocket and then slammed my locker shut. I glanced at the screen, not surprised that I only had one message from my mother. I quickly clicked ignore and checked the time. Ten minutes until homeroom. I groaned, just wanting to get this day over with already.

I glanced behind me again and was shocked to see Edward Cullen standing at the front of the mob, his green eyes focused on me. I raised an eyebrow and bit my lip, confused and uncomfortable.

He smiled at me, his trademark cocky smile that all girls swoon over.

And, despite myself, my stomach did a little hop.

Desperate not to show the effect he had, I turned quickly on my heel, stumbling slightly, making my way quickly to my homeroom.

It was going to be a very interesting day.


	2. What are you looking at?

I spend the entire day trying to avoid the throng of crazy fans chasing after Edward and trying to avoid Edward himself. I had to deal with him briefly in Biology but, thankfully, he sat in one of the front rows with Jessica Stanley, leaving me to my own devices in the back.

During lunch, however, I am forced to watch the girls fawn over him. The girls he does pay attention to giggle obnoxiously while the ones he ignores sit off to the side and gaze longingly at him from across the cafeteria.

I, on the other hand, sit as far as I can from them, choosing to roll my eyes at the squealing girls and the macho attitude of the famous jackass. Only one other girl seems to be as annoyed as I am. She's a tiny girl, one I've never seen before, with piercing blue eyes and spiky black hair. She's extremely thin and beautiful, even though her face is marred by annoyance. She rolls her eyes at Edward before returning to her lunch.

I take a bite of out my turkey sandwich and my stomach rolls when it tastes more like tuna. I choose to look out a nearby window, determined to block out the noise. Normally, I'd have Jasper to keep me entertained, but today he had to make up a test he missed last week.

"Edward? Why are you staring at _her_?" I hear Lauren screech over the din.

I glance over at Edward to see him staring at me. I raise an eyebrow at him and he smiles.

"She's a freak," Lauren yells dramatically. "Ignore her."

I smile at Lauren sweetly before giving her the finger. She gasps loudly and turns away and I smirk in victory. I glance at Edward, who is still staring at me, and I narrow my eyes before I look away.

I catch the eye of the black-haired girl who is staring at me with confusion and…wonder? Huh…

Before any more damage can be done, I throw away my food and walk out the door of the cafeteria.

I can feel Edward's eyes on me until the entire time.

I take my time walking to my next class, my second to last class of the day. It's history, something I'm actually good at, so I don't mind going.

After walking in silence for a few moments, I hear quick footsteps racing behind me. I don't turn around, figuring the person would just cruise past me, but she slows down as soon as she reaches my side.

"That was unusual," the black-haired girl from the cafeteria says with a smile.

"What was?" I question as I pull my coat closer to my body.

"The way you treated Edward Cullen. God knows he's never been rejected before," she says in a grumble.

"Oh. Well I'm not going to fawn after some guy just because he's famous. That means nothing to me." I glance at her face as I speak and watch as a smile spreads over her face.

"That's refreshing to hear," she says. "I thought I was the only one."

"He seems like a douche bag honestly," I say as I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "Just because he's attractive and has been in a few movies shouldn't make everyone drool when they see him. But he eats it up and it's disgusting."

She smiles sadly at me. "He wasn't always like this though," the girl says, and her eyes fill with sadness I don't understand.

"How would you know?" I blurt out.

She reaches her hand out and gently but firmly shakes my hand.

"Alice Cullen. I'm Edward's sister. I go by Alice Braden here though. I'd rather not have everyone know that a douche bag is my brother."

My cheeks heat up as embarrassment washes over me. "Oh my God, Alice, I'm so sorry. I have such a big mouth!"

She surprises me by laughing. "No, don't worry about it…?" She trails off and looks at me expectantly.

"Bella Swan," I say with a shy smile.

"Bella. I just wish people could have known him before." She shrugs.

I smile at her as I approach the door to my history class. "I'm sure he was a great person," I say.

Alice smiles back at me. "He was. And I'm in this class, too."

I nod and she follows me into the classroom.

"I think you'll be good for him, Bella," she suddenly says as she follows me to the row of desks in the back.

I glance at the strange girl standing next to me.

"How?" I ask in confusion.

She smiles widely at me as she throws her backpack down in the chair to my right. "Trust me. I just know these things."


	3. Bye bye mommy

The rest of the day goes past in a blur. Gym sucks, as usual, but I do get a few good spikes of the volleyball that land right on Lauren's nose and one that hits Edward on the head. He smiles at me and waves it off. His nonchalant attitude bothers me.

I don't like Edward, but then again I don't really know him.

As soon as the bell rings, signaling the end of school, I run outside to meet Jasper, who is waiting patiently by the hood of my truck.

"Do you still want to study for the history test we have tomorrow?" he asks as soon as I'm in earshot.

I nod at him as I walk around to the driver side. "Yeah, that'd be a good idea. Meet me at my house in like an hour?"

"See you then," he says before he walks away.

I hop into the cab of my truck and turn on the heat. It's not that a cold out, but it is rainy.

I check my cellphone before I pull out of the parking lot and see another message from my mother. I groan before snapping my phone shut.

You think a woman could take a hint. She left us. Not the other way around. Her sending me messages, begging for me to answer her, was not the way to keep a relationship going with her daughter.

I don't even know where she is.

Renee has always been flighty. One day, she'd be perfectly content and the next, she'd be begging my dad to go on some huge vacation to some remote location that we clearly could not afford. And yet, she kept begging until we finally went somewhere, even if it was just to Seattle for the weekend.

But then, she slowly started disappearing for a few days at a time, always leaving notes that she was going to Seattle by herself to meet up with some girlfriends, or that she was going to visit her home town and would be back in a few days.

The last time she left, she just didn't come back.

There was no note, no phone call, no nothing for almost a week and a half. I thought she was dead somewhere or had been kidnapped.

But apparently, she was just fine.

She was well enough to send my father a stack of divorce papers after about two weeks.

I throw my phone onto the passenger's seat before backing my truck carefully out of my parking spot.

I still don't know where she is exactly. I know she's in Arizona, only because of the postage address on the papers she sent my father. My guess was Phoenix. She'd always loved it there and would always beg my father to go.

I'm pretty sure that she'd been there every time she told us she was going to Seattle by herself.

I pull into my driveway a few minutes later and am relieved that my father's police cruiser isn't here. I love my dad, but he's been trying to get me to answer my mother for the past week. I think he's more curious about her than I am.

I grab my backpack and my phone, which is already vibrating with a new message, before running through the now down-pouring rain into my house. I'm greeted at the door by my cat, Velma. She's a fat calico with an abnormally long tail and a meow that practically melts my heart.

"Hey baby," I say as I drop my backpack and take of my coat. She meows in response and rubs my leg. "How was your day?"

She purrs and I take that for an answer. I lean down and pick her up, scratching her behind the ears as I make my way to the kitchen.

"What do you think? Should I make Jasper and I a turkey sandwiches?" I ask. Her ears perk up at the word turkey and I roll my eyes before setting her down.

I slap together two sandwiches and toss some turkey on the ground for Velma.

I'm just pouring some Coke into two glasses when I hear my front door open.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jasper yells.

Velma takes off to greet him and I follow slowly behind her with the sandwiches. "There are drinks in the kitchen if you want to grab them," I say as I pass him, heading into the living room.

"On it. And I brought Kit Kat bars for dessert." He holds out a bag filled with chocolaty goodness. I smile and grab it from him before he takes off into the kitchen to grab the drinks.

A few minutes later, we're sitting on the floor of my living room with our history books sprawled out in front of us and our sandwiches half gone.

Jasper takes a sip of his coke before breaking open a Kit Kat.

"So. Alice seems nice," He says with a grin.

I wiggle my eyebrows. "Aw, does Jazzy have a widdle crush?" I ask in a baby voice.

He throws a piece of turkey at me, which Velma quickly gobbles up as soon as it touches the ground.

"She's attractive!" he defends himself. "You're not going to be the only girl in my life forever, Bells." Jasper says before he takes a bite of his Kit Kat bar.

"You mean we're not going to get married and have little blonde babies?"

"Bite me," he says around a mouth full of Kit Kat.

I laugh and take a sip of my coke. "Yes, Alice seems really nice. And more normal than most of the tramps at our school which is a big plus."

He grins at me. "Exactly. She'll fit in with us just fine. And she seems to be-"

Jasper is cut off by the sound of my cellphone beeping. He turns and grabs it from my couch where I had tossed it unceremoniously when I got home.

"It's your mom," he says. I can hear the sympathy creeping into his tone.

"Just put it back." I try to make my voice sound disinterested.

Being Jasper, he doesn't listen and opens up my cell, quickly reading the message.

He looks at me with the pity I hate so much. I feel enough pity for myself; I don't need him to feel it for me, too.

"Bella, she just wants to talk to you. Why don't you give her a chance?" he asks.

I know he means well but his words hurt. "Because she left, Jasper. She didn't give us a chance to change her mind. Why should I give her a chance to defend herself when there is no excuse for what she's done?" Jasper starts to speak but I cut him off. "No. Because of her, my dad is never here. He can barely stand to look at me because I look like her."

Jasper knew my mom well enough to know that it was true. We had the same long hair, the same eyes, and the same smile. Looking at me was like looking at a younger version of my mom with my dad's nose and ears.

I rub my temples. "I know I should talk to her, but it's hard. I don't understand the way her mind works. I just…don't understand."

Jasper hops up on the couch and pats the spot next to him. I obey his request and sit on the couch next to him. He throws his arm around my shoulder and I lay my head on his chest. Jasper could be a douchebag, but he was a good guy when he needed to be. Like now, as he leans down and kisses my forehead.

"I know you don't understand what's going on, Bella. But you are never going to understand until you actually talk to her." His voice is calm and reassuring. "She was completely in the wrong with all of her actions, but she may think she's justified. You need to let her tell you what happened."

I sigh and nod in agreement. "I will…eventually. Just…I'm not ready."

Jasper rubs my shoulder. "Okay."

We sit like that for a few more minutes until my phone beeps again. I scoot away from Jasper and glance at the screen, relieved to see Charlie's name come up instead of my mother's.

"Charlie's at work until late again tonight," I say with a shrug.

Jasper smiles sadly. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

I shake my head. "Nah, it's fine. I'm probably just going to go to bed early tonight."

Jasper nods. "Well if you change your mind, I'm only a phone call away," he promises.

We study for a few hours after that, stopping occasionally when I get distracted by Velma's cuteness or to make fun of each other.

It's around 7pm when he leaves and shortly after, I curl up on the couch, deciding what I want to do with the rest of my night. I flick on the TV after about fifteen minutes and am startled by the face of Edward Cullen that greets me.

_"In other news, famous teen heartthrob turned up at Forks High School today, causing quite the stir!"_ the reporter says with a grand smile. A picture shows up next to her face of Edward getting out of the car earlier today, looking as amazing and perfect as usual.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't extremely attracted to him. When I caught him staring at me today, I was extremely flattered. He's so…well he's beautiful. I know men aren't supposed to be beautiful, but there is something about him.

He is also extremely talented. The movies I've seen him in are actually pretty decent and his songs, though lacking any emotional depth, are catchy.

I decide finally to take a shower then go to bed. I click off the TV and watch as Edward's blazing green eyes fade out to nothing.

I take a quick hot shower before jumping out and wrapping a towel around my body. I wipe the fog off the mirror and stare at myself for a long moment. My eyes disturb me. They are my mother's eyes. I look at my long brown hair that flows all the way down to my waist and stare at in disgust. My mother's hair was the same-long and brown and dull.

I glare at myself for a long moment before I crack. I reach into the medicine cabinet and push around a few bottles before I find what I'm looking for.

Scissors.

And before I can give it a second thought, I reach up and begin to snip and cut away at my hair and at the same time, I cut away my mother.


	4. That's not my name

I wake up the next morning to an empty house. I'm not all that surprised, but a little disappointed. I haven't seen my father in about 24 hours. He leaves before I wake up and gets back by the time I'm already asleep.

Velma jumps up on my lap and nudges my face, her way of saying 'good morning.' I scratch her behind the ear and her purring gets louder.

"Morning, Velmster," I say. She meows at me and I scratch her under her chin.

I make my way down to the kitchen fueled by an intense craving for a chocolate chip waffle and a huge cup of coffee. I immediately go to the freezer and pull out two waffles and then proceed to put them in the toaster. I go to brew a cup of coffee but stop in confusion when I see a note taped to the coffee pot.

_Bells,_

_We're having company for dinner tonight. I told Mayor Connell that I would get together with the Cullen's to discuss the kid's safety. I left money for you in the jar. Make something good._

_Love you._

_Charlie._

I can't help but smile at the sentiment before I start to freak out. The Cullen family is coming here for dinner and I have to cook them something. Yeah, I can cook better than the best cooks in Forks, but that really isn't saying anything.

So that means I also have to clean the house. I look at the disheveled state of the kitchen and think about the disaster that is the living room and groan.

It was going to be a long fucking day.

After quickly shoveling down my waffles and putting my coffee in a to-go mug, I run upstairs and slip on a pair of faded skinny jeans, a band t-shirt, and my favorite black boots. I grab the money out of the jar that's in the bathroom-my dad doesn't like leaving money in obvious places-and run a brush through my hair.

My hair!

I run a hand through my now shoulder length hair and find myself extremely impressed with how decent it looks. I expected it to be completely uneven and disgusting, but besides a few strands that are clearly longer than the rest, it isn't bad at all.

I quickly cut those strands before I run downstairs and throw on my jacket. I scoop up my coffee mug, my cell, and my backpack before I rush out to my truck. I yank the keys out of my backpack and start the engine. As I crank the heat, I check the time and see that I still have 20 minutes to get to school.

I arrive at good ol' Forks High about 10 minutes later and pull into my normal parking spot. I can see Jasper waiting for me at the front doors of the school as I step out of the cab. I take a long sip of my warm coffee before I haul my backpack onto my back and begin walking over to the entrance.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" Jasper yells annoyingly.

"Don't call me Sunshine. It's weird," I say as I hand him my mug of coffee.

He rolls his eyes at me as he takes a sip of my coffee before he takes a moment to take in my appearance.

He practically chokes.

"Holy shit! What did you do?" he asks as he grabs a short strand of my hair.

I shrug and pull away. "Does it look bad?" I ask as I grab my mug back from him.

He shakes his head fervently. "No. I'm just surprised. I mean you've always had long hair. It's really different from what I'm used to. Who did it?" he asks as we begin to walk to our lockers.

"Uh…me," I say.

He raises his eyebrows at me. "Hmmm…not bad."

I shove him playfully. "Like you could do any better," I challenge him.

"You could always let me try. Your hair wouldn't look that bad in a pixie cut," he says with a sarcastic smile.

"Oh hey, I have a present for you," I say. I pretend to dig around in my pocket and then pull my hand out, giving him the finger.

"That was original."

I quickly open my locker and shove my backpack inside before I grab the books I'll need until my free period.

Jasper waves a goodbye at me before taking off to his first class.

I speed walk to my first class, knowing that if I don't, I'll lose my spot in the back. I hate sitting in the front, especially with this woman.

She spits when she talks.

I enter the classroom before most of the class does and get my spot in the back. I throw my backpack down on the floor next to my desk before I plop down in my seat. I take a long sip of my coffee before I reach down and grab a book out of my backpack.

I get so lost in my book that I'm startled when I hear someone throw their backpack on the ground next to me. My head snaps up and my eyes meet with those of Edward Cullen, who is smiling down at me.

"Hi there," he says as he sits in the desk closest to me.

"Since when are you in this class?" I blurt out. I immediately realize how rude I am being. "I mean, you weren't in here yesterday."

He smiles at me again. "I had to go to the office and work some things out before I could go to class. But I'll be here every day now." He grins his award-winning grin before he pulls out the books we need for class.

I shrug and go back to reading my book.

"I'm Edward Cullen," he says, drawing my attention away from the novel in front of me yet again.

I nod. "I think we both know I already knew that," I say sarcastically. "And I'm pretty sure you already know who I am. I'm sure Lauren and her cronies have said _plenty_ about me."

He leans back in his seat with an amused smirk. "Well they did talk about you, but I highly doubt your name is 'Smelly Belly' or 'Buddha Bella.'"

My face flushes immediately and I glare at him. "Don't call me that. Ever. My name is Bella Swan."

He nods. "Oh, so will I be attending dinner at your house tonight?" Edward asks.

"Yes."

He smiles again, but his eyes literally look like they're smoldering. My stomach flips and it makes me angry. "I am looking forward to it," he says.

"Class! Pull out your books and go to page 546 and answer all the questions on the worksheet I'm about to hand out with the person sitting next to you." Mrs. Norton said. She was probably the oldest and scariest teacher at this school, but she could teach you Jane Austen like no one's business.

Probably because she was around when Austen first wrote her novels.

I turn to Edward and find him already staring at me. "Shall we begin?" he asks when the kid next to him hands us the worksheet.

I nod and open my book. "Let's get this over with."


	5. BFE Edward's Point of View

Edward's Point of View

"Let me out here. I don't want to be a part of this."

My sister, Alice, already has her hand on the handle of the door. It looks like she's ready to jump out even though the car hasn't come to a complete stop yet.

My dad, who is driving the ostentatious black escalade, begins to pull over. "Are you sure, Alice? It's raining."

She zips up her jacket and throws her hood over her head. "I'll be fine. And remember, I'm going by Alice Braden here. I don't want people to know me as your sister. No offense, Edward."

I turn to glare at her and she rolls her eyes. "Just pick me up here after school, Dad."

Alice jumps out of the car and waits until we pull completely away before she starts walking towards the school. I don't know why she's so worried about people knowing that we are related.

It's not like we look anything alike.

My father drives slowly towards the small brick building up ahead and I realize with a start that this is my school. This tiny ass thing is my school.

Not exactly what I was expecting. Yes, I realize that Forks is one of the smallest places in the fucking world, but I didn't expect it to be this damn small.

My house in LA was bigger than this.

"Edward, your mother and I want you to keep in mind why you are here," Dad says as we approach the main doors to the school. I can see a bunch of people crowded around by the entrance, waiting for me to arrive. I smile in anticipation, happy to see that even though this place is pretty much Bum Fuck Egypt, they at least know who I am.

I don't answer, so he continues. "We're worried about you and you know how hard it's been on this whole family."

"I know, Dad. Can I just go in now?" I ask and before he can say anything else, I'm out the door and into the mob of fans. I smile widely and feel the usual satisfaction when all of the girls around me swoon. I keep pushing through, thanking them every time they throw a compliment my way, and they eat up my every word.

When I finally get through the group, I notice a girl standing by her locker, looking intently at her phone. She has long brown hair and is extremely small and pale, but she's pretty in an average sort of way.

She pushes the cell phone in her pocket as she turns around. Our eyes meet and she raises an eyebrow at me and bites her lip in what I can only assume is a nervous habit.

Perfect.

I smile at her and wait to see the reaction the other girls had.

But she just looks at me for a moment longer before she turns and walks away.

She _walks away_.

I stare after her, but she doesn't even glance at me. She keeps going until she walks into her classroom.

What the hell?

I turn around when I feel a hand slide around my waist and look to see a girl that is showing way too much cleavage and has so much make-up on she looks orange. But she's clearly going to make me look good at this school, so I smile at her.

She bats her eyelashes and licks her lips.

_That's _the reaction I had wanted from the girl with the cell phone.

"Hi, I'm Lauren," she says with a grin. "Can I help you find something?" she questions.

I see Alice walk into the school and, after a quick glance around she turns to her left and heads towards a door clearly marked 'Main Office.'

I smile at Lauren again. "Maybe you can point out the main office so I can get my schedule?"

"It would be my pleasure," she purrs.

The day goes by quickly and I find myself easily fitting in with the popular crowd at Forks High.

Not that I thought I wouldn't, but it was easier than I thought it would be.

I see Alice a few times and feel a pang of anger. She doesn't even acknowledge me when she sees me in the halls or during classes and it annoys me so much more than it should.

She's the one being a prick, not me.

I see the girl with the brown hair in biology class for a quick moment, but she sits in the back and doesn't offer much during class.

When lunch finally rolls around, I see her once more, but she sits by herself over in a corner seat. I find myself staring at her, wondering why she seems so disinterested in me. Even if she's not a fan, shouldn't she be excited that someone is finally putting Forks on the map?

"Edward, why are you staring at _her_?" Lauren asks loudly enough that the girl can hear her.

I keep my focus on the girl, who glares slightly at Lauren.

"Ignore her. She's a freak," Lauren is practically screaming by this point and I have to suppress a smile.

Lauren was clearly jealous of this girl for some reason.

I watch as the brown haired girl smiles sweetly at Lauren. I start to think how pretty she looks when she smiles and how her eyes are actually a beautiful shade of brown, but then her hand rises up and she gives Lauren the finger.

She is the weirdest girl I have ever met.

Lauren huffs and turns around while I keep staring at brown eyes across the room. She looks at me and narrows her eyes before she picks up her stuff and walks out of the cafeteria. Alice gets up shortly after she walks out, determination written all over her face.

I was going to get it when I got home.


	6. Dinner is served

**Hello my readers!**

**I apologize for the first part of this chapter. I had a hard time getting into it, but overall, I think it turned out well. So please enjoy. There are links to Bella's outfit on my profile if you would like to see what she is wearing. **

**So here is Chapter 6.**

* * *

><p>I'm surprised by how intelligent Edward is. Sure, he's no Einstein, but he seems to have a good grasp on Jane Austen which, for a guy, is pretty impressive.<p>

When the bell rings, signaling we can go to our next class, Edward stands up with a big smile on his face, that same smile that he gives the cameras in every magazine.

"It was lovely working with you, Bella," he says smoothly as he throws the straps of his backpack around his shoulders.

"I'll see you later," I say before I quickly rocket out of the room. My phone was vibrating like crazy in my pocket, and checking in front of a teacher was asking for detention.

I glance at the screen to see my Mother's name flashing at me. I groan and silence it before putting it back in my pocket. I applaud her new tactic-actually talking instead of texting me-but she picked a horrible time to call.

She knows I'm in school, but I guess that doesn't mean anything to her.

My next two classes, Biology and Spanish, fly by: Biology because we're doing review for a test on mitosis and cells which I know well, and Spanish because I have Jasper to entertain me when it gets really boring. My phone rings two more times before she finally gives up.

When lunch finally rolls around, Jasper and I make our way to our usual table and sit down. Jasper's mom had made pizza the night before and made him bring leftovers for us to split along with two cans of Coke. I smile as I crack open my can and take a long swig.

He tosses me a slice of pizza on a paper plate and I rip off a piece of pepperoni and pop it into my mouth. I glance around the cafeteria and see Edward and his usual crowd before my eyes land on Alice, who is standing at the end of the lunch line, looking for somewhere to sit. I smile and stand up, waving her over.

She grins and runs over to our table.

"You don't mind, right Jasper?" I ask as I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

"Shut up!" he hisses and I giggle.

Alice plops her tray down next to me. "Thank you so much for letting me sit with you guys," she says with a smile. "I didn't feel like sitting alone again."

I wave her off. "It's no problem."

I look behind her head and see Edward staring at me. He smiles and mouths 'thank you' at me.

I shake my head and look away.

Lunch with Alice is really fun. She talks a lot, but Jasper literally seems to hang on her every word, which causes me to suppress laughter. He's never been a talkative guy. The only people he actually speaks to freely are me, my father, and his family.

He doesn't say a lot to Alice, but whenever he speaks, she listens intently.

It's cute in a disgusting sort of way.

When I get to gym at the end of the day, I quickly change into my gym clothes before I run out into the gym and begin stretching. I spread my legs out in front of me and grab my toes. As I'm doing so, I see a pair of shoes come into my line of view. I look up and see Edward staring down at me.

"What?" I ask as I stretch my arm across my body.

"Thank you, for earlier," he says quietly. I quirk an eyebrow at him, confused. "For letting Alice sit with you at lunch," he clarifies.

I stand up and look at him through narrowed eyes. "I didn't do it for you. My friendship with Alice has nothing to do with you."

He holds his hands out in front of him in a calming gesture. "I know…wait, you know she's my sister, right?" he asks.

I look around to make sure no one heard him. "Yes, but I think I'm the only person she wants to know so please be quiet," I say.

He groans. "Why is she so damn concerned with people not knowing that she's my sister?" he asks in a whisper.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Do you really not understand?" I ask. At his blank look I move away from him angrily. "She wants to be able to make friends because of who she is. Not because she's the brother of the famous Edward Cullen. Lauren would be all over her if she knew that would be a way to get closer to you."

Edward stopped short at that. "I guess I never thought about it that way," he says quietly.

I shake my head. "Alice is a good person, Edward. I've only known her for a little while, but I know she loves you. She just doesn't want to be defined by you."

"Uhm, Edward. Why are you talking to her?" Lauren asks from behind me. I roll my eyes. "Go away, Buddha Belly," she sneers at me.

"Whatever you say, Lauren. Oh, and give my regards to Willy Wonka. I'm sure he misses his most orange Oompa Loompa when you aren't there." I smile sweetly and walk away from her and Edward.

When I get out of school, I dash to the grocery store to get some food for this evening. I grab three packages of chicken, deciding garlic chicken would be good enough. I grab some raw potatoes and a few other sides before I jet home to get cleaning.

Velma's chicken senses must have been tingling because the minute I step into the house, she tries to jump into the grocery bag. I laugh and reach down, hiking her up under my armpit. She growls in annoyance.

"Oh hush. No chicken if you keep being crabby," I say. She meows sweetly.

Once we get to the kitchen, I set her down in front of her water bowl and make a mental note to thank Charlie for refilling it. He must have been home while I was at school.

I toss the potatoes on the counter and the rest of the vegetables and the chicken into the fridge. Then I walk through the house and survey all the destruction that has taken place after a week without cleaning. The living room is definitely the worst.

Everything had a thick coat of dust on it and Charlie has never really cared to take care of his dirty dishes.

First thing's first. I need my iPod.

I put on a random playlist and dance around my house as I clean each room. I start by taking the dishes from the living room into the kitchen and putting them into the dishwasher. Then I run around the entire house with a dust rag and carefully dust off each surface.

Velma helps by following behind me and rubbing my legs for encouragement.

After I finish dusting I check the clock. It's about 3:45, so I decide it'd be best to peel the potatoes and boil them. I hate peeling potatoes. I'm always so afraid that I'm going to peel more of my finger off than the actual skin of the potato.

I shiver at the nasty image and continue to peel, being extra careful.

Once that's done and the potatoes are being boiled, I finish up the rest of the cleaning. By the time I get done vacuuming and sweeping, it's a little past five. I carefully look around the house and inspect my work before I run upstairs and lay out some nice clothing for Charlie to wear. Then I return to the kitchen to start baking the chicken.

As I'm doing that, I hear my front door click open.

"Bella?"

I watch as Velma rockets towards the sound of my father's voice. My dad always says that he doesn't like Velma, but I know for a fact that when I'm not here, he plays with her and cuddles. His black police officer uniform shows exactly where she was curled up on him.

"In here, Dad!" I yell back as I slip one of the ear buds out of my ear.

He walks into the kitchen with Velma in his arms. "How's dinner coming?" he asks. Then he really looks at me. "And where's the rest of your hair?"

I shrug. "The chicken should be ready in about half an hour and then I just have to boil the veggies and mash the potatoes," I say. "And I cut it."

"Oh. Okay, great. I'm just going to go shower and change. They should be here around 6," he says.

I nod as he sets Velma down. "I left you some clean clothes on your bed," I say.

He smiles at me. "You take care of me too much," he says before walking away.

Velma scurries over to sit by my feet and looks at me with her big yellow eyes.

"You'll get some chicken once it's cooked. Calm yourself," I say. She grumbles in her cat-like fashion and trots away to sit on a kitchen chair.

By 5:45, everything is almost ready and Charlie walks into the kitchen looking sharp. I smile at him and wipe my hands on my jeans.

"Can you watch the food and make sure it doesn't burn while I run upstairs and change? Oh and set the dining room table?" I ask as I grab Velma from her chair.

He nods. "On it."

I smile at him in thanks and run upstairs with Velma to get ready.

I toss her on my bed once we get to my room and shut my door before running over to my closet. I have about 10 minutes to make myself look decent before the Cullen's arrive. I decide on the best things I have in my closet, which is a simple brown sweater dress. It's a turtle neck and has long sleeves. It's a bit tight for my taste, but it's the fanciest thing I own, so it will have to do.

I put on a pair of brown high heeled boots-again, not really my style either, but they're the only ones that match my dress. They were Renee's. We got rid of the rest of the stuff she left behind, but Charlie insisted on keeping a few things that were in good condition that I could possibly use. So the boots stayed.

I grab a clip and put my hair back into a half ponytail and, after a quick glance in the mirror, I dab on a little bit of lip gloss and some mascara before I run downstairs. I lock Velma in my room, knowing what she would do if I let her out.

She would jump on the table and steal the chicken.

I walk carefully back downstairs to find a fully set dining room table. I quickly thank Charlie before I run to the oven to take out the chicken. I hear the doorbell ring just as I begin to mash the potatoes.

"Dad? Can you get it while I finish? I'll come get you all when it's ready?" I ask while I continue to vigorously mash the potatoes.

"Of course, Bella," he responds before he walks into the foyer. I hear the common greetings among Charlie and the others.

Edward's voice seems to float above the rest until I hear Alice's high pitched voice chime in.

Once the potatoes are finished, I put them into a serving bowl and pour some melted butter on them. Then I set the chicken onto a serving tray and put the broccoli and then corn into serving bowls as well before I go and place everything on the dining room table.

I briefly wonder why we couldn't have just gone out to eat when I remember that Forks has one restaurant and it isn't exactly what you'd call fancy by any means.

I brush the strands of hair that have fallen into my face out of my eyes before I survey the table. Everything looks decent and well put together and I smile in satisfaction.

I slowly make my way into the living room, carefully watching my step so I don't trip and embarrass myself for the rest of the night.

When I finally make it to the doorway of the living room, I am completely taken aback by the beauty of Edward's parents. His father was sitting on the couch, talking animatedly with my father about something. His blonde hair doesn't seem to have on streak of gray in it, unlike my father's that has a few gray strands among the black. He is wearing a blue dress shirt with a black tie, causing his blue eyes to stand out on his pale face.

The man's arm is thrown over the shoulder of a beautiful woman with the same pale complexion as her husband and two children. Edward's eyes were clearly a gift from his mother, as well as his hair. Her hair, however, flows down to her mid chest.

Edward and Alice are sitting on the couch, Edward looking positively bored while Alice smiles widely at Charlie as he answers something her father had asked.

I clear my throat and watch as five pairs of eyes snap to me.

"You must be Bella," the man says as he stands up. He and his wife walk over to me with his hand outstretched. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Carlisle Cullen. And this is my wife, Esme."

Esme smiles at me as well and reaches out to squeeze my hand. "Thank you so much for making dinner tonight. Charlie tells us you've been quite busy since you've been home."

I smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you both. And it's no problem. I love cooking," I say honestly.

Carlisle smiles again. "You already know my children. Alice speaks about you a lot, as does Edward."

I feel my face flush and look behind Carlisle to see Edward blushing as well. I smile at them. "They've made quite the impression on Forks High. It's been buzzed with excitement since they've arrived."

I really want to say that the girls at my school just won't let it die, but I decide that might be inappropriate.

Esme laughs. "So we've seen."

There's an awkward silence before I clear my throat again. "Well dinner is ready, if you'll all follow me."

I walk into the dining room and take my normal seat at the table. The rest of Cullen's and my father follow me into the room and say something about how delicious it smells. Without further ado, we all begin to divvy up the food and eat while exchanging casual conversation.

Every time I look up from my plate, I find Edward's eyes trained on me. And even when we make eye contact, he does not look away.

It was going to be a long evening.

**The rest of the dinner will begin next chapter and I promise that Bella and Edward will be getting closer soon. I just get annoyed with the fics that have Bella and Edward together and dating and professing love within the first chapter and a half. **

**I like them to both fight a little for it :) **

**Lots of love, **

**Emilia Elliot.**


	7. Friends

**Hello, Lovlies!**

**I apologize for the delay. College work often gets in the way of my fanfic writing. Whatevs.**

**Anywho, here is chapter 7. I hope you like it. I know I do!:) Please read and review. Reviews pretty much encourage me to write faster! **

**As usual, I own nothing. SM owns the characters. I just own the story line.**

**Now on with the story!**

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><p>I figured that after dinner, my dad would talk to Edward and his parents about security and how to keep Edward safe.<p>

But as I sit in the living room now, listening to Charlie and Carlisle tell fishing tales, I know that there is no way I'll be able to go up to my room anytime soon. After about half an hour of listening to adults talk about random things, I decide to go start the dishes.

At the rate this was going, I wouldn't have the energy to do it after everyone left.

I excuse myself quietly and walk carefully into the dining room, making sure not to trip over my own two feet. I grab a few plates, as many as I can carry without dropping them, and make my way into the kitchen. I gently place each dish into the dishwasher before I turn around.

And find Edward standing there holding a few plates in his hand.

"I didn't feel like hearing about fishing anymore," he says sheepishly.

I smile at him. "Same. Hearing about my father's fishing escapades isn't exactly what I qualify as a good time."

Edward laughs and I like the way it sounds.

He walks over and puts the plates into the dishwasher before he heads back into the dining room and grabs a few cups. He hands them to me and I put them in the dishwasher while he walks out and grabs more dishes. Once they're all loaded in, I put some soap in and start the dishwasher.

Then comes the awkward silence that neither one of us care to break for several long moments.

Finally, he speaks up quietly as though he is too afraid the people in the other room will hear him.

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asks. I look at him and see genuine curiosity in his eyes.

I give him an honest answer. "I don't hate you. I just don't like people who think they are better than everyone else," I say with a shrug. "That's the impression I got from you right away."

He rolls his eyes. "God, not you too," he groans. "Same fucking thing my parents have been saying. And my sister. But at least they know me. You don't know anything about me."

"So tell me then, Edward," I say. "There must be some reason why your parents made you move here." He raises an eyebrow at me. "I do have eyes and ears. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't see and hear things. I've noticed how you've suddenly started making shittier movies and how the only time I see your picture in the magazines, you look completely hammered."

He glares at me and pushes off the wall and sulks back into the living room, pushing an eavesdropping Alice out of the way. I raise an eyebrow at her and she blushes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to listen in…" at my pointed look she trails off and smiles sheepishly. "Okay, I did. But I didn't mean to get caught."

I laugh at her. "Seriously, though, what is his problem?"

She shakes her head, the smile gone. "You just hit the nail on the head. His reputation was going up in smoke," she says sadly. "Bella, he used to be a really great person. But then he started making more money and he dated this girl who thought the world revolved around her and pretty much brain washed him to think the same."

I sigh. "So he's here to be…un-brain washed?"

Alice nods. "Pretty much, yeah."

I look around Alice to the doorway where Edward had just disappeared through before looking back at her with a raised eyebrow. "There's more than that, isn't there?" I ask.

She looks down at her feet. "It's not my place to say. I've already said too much…" She trails off guiltily.

I smile at her. "Alice it's okay. We can drop it. Actually, we should probably get back in there before my father thinks I died putting away the dishes."

She smiles at me in silent thinks and leads the way back into the living room, her heels clicking gracefully through the hall.

My feet kind of clunk behind her.

Back in the room, Edward refuses to meet my eyes and I find myself feeling guilty. He was trying and I completely shut him down.

Yes, I was a self-proclaimed bitch to most people, but he hadn't ever personally done anything to warrant my bitchy-ness.

So I did that thing where you try to get people to look at you by staring at them intensely until they get the feeling that they're being watched so they look up.

I hear my dad begin the discussion on security when Edward stands up and walks out of the room and out the front door.

"Oh dear," Esme says as she watches Edward slam the door. "I apologize for his behavior, Charlie. He…hasn't been himself the past few months."

Charlie waves her off. "Don't worry about it. Bella went through the same stage not too long ago."

I roll my eyes as Esme stands up. "I should go check on him."

I stand up. "I'll do it. You guys can discuss the security measure while I go make sure he's okay."

Esme smiles. "Oh thank you. I'm sure he'd rather you come see him than me!" She laughs as she sits back down next to her husband, who lovingly grabs her hand.

Alice smiles knowingly from where she sits and I suppress the eye roll I can feel coming on as I grab my jacket and slip out of the door.

I see Edward sitting on a decorative bench my mom had put in our front yard years ago. It literally hadn't been touched in years, so it was covered in moss and had browned over time due to the weather.

I walk over towards him and notice that he's smoking a cigarette. I wrinkle my nose as I approach.

"You know smoking can kill you," I say as I approach.

He jumps. "Shit!" He looks at me. "You scared the hell out of me."

I grin. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he says coldly. After a moment of awkwardness, he takes of his jacket and places it on the bench next to him and gestures for me to sit down and, just for a moment, I can see the boy Alice new.

I quietly thank him as I sit down on his warm jacket.

We sit in silence for another minute or so, him smoking his cigarette and me coughing quietly as the smoke infiltrates my lungs. Finally, the silence becomes too much, so I speak.

"I'm sorry for what I said in the kitchen," I say quietly. "I'm not taking it back because I know I'm partially right. But it wasn't my place."

He sighs and throws his cigarette on the ground and stomps it out with his foot. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been such an ass about it."

I nod and we drop it.

"But smoking is really bad for you," I say as I stare at the still smoldering cigarette on the ground. "If you want to keep singing, quitting is probably the best idea."

He rolls his eyes and shrugs. "That'd probably make a lot of people happy," Edward says as he stomps on his cigarette again.

I stare at his chiseled features in confusion. "If you quit smoking?" I ask.

Edward shakes his head. "No. If I couldn't sing anymore. I'd probably make a lot of people happy that way."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "But what about yourself? Would that make you happy?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Honestly? I have no idea," he mumbles sadly.

I look at this guy, this boy, who seems so utterly lost at the moment that I can't help but feel pity for him. He has everything he could possibly want and more money than he needs and yet he looks completely miserable.

After a moment of hesitation, I reach out and touch his shoulder and feel the softness of his shirt and the strong muscles underneath it.

"You should probably figure that out," I say.

He straightens up, knocking my hand off his back, and smiles at me. "So. What do you say, Swan. Friends?" He stretches his hand out to me.

I smile and nod. "Friends," I say as I grab his hand.

He grips my hand for a few long seconds and it's as though there is some sort of current between us. I shrug it off as static electricity.

"Come on. Let's go back inside before my dad comes out," I say as I stand. I hand him his jacket and he throws it over his arm and, side-by-side, we walk back into the house.

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><p><strong>So what did you all think!<strong>

**Please, please, _Pleaseeeeeeee_ review!**

**Love always, **

**Emilia Elliot**


	8. Spoiled milk

**Two updates in a week. I'm patting myself on the back right now.**

**Hope you guys enjoy! **

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><p>Being friends was harder than I expected it to be.<p>

Sure, we'd say hi when we passed each other at school and sometimes, he'd walk over to our lunch table to talk to me and Alice for a few minutes.

Jasper still didn't trust him and, honestly, I didn't fully trust him either. Just because we were friends didn't mean I had to trust him.

Just as we started to fall into a comfortable relationship, things blew up.

It was just another day at school. It was during Biology. Edward normally sat next to Jessica, and nothing was different about that today. I watched with annoyance from my seat in the back as Jessica continuously flirted with Edward throughout the first 20 minutes of class. He would smile back at her politely, but never gave her much to work with.

But that was just enough to piss of my bio teacher.

"Okay that's it!" Mr. Banner finally yells. "I've been lenient for a few days because I figured it was the excitement of having Mr. Cullen here, but if you both can't pay attention, I'm moving you. Cullen, go sit in the back by Swan. Maybe she'll be kind enough to fill you in on what you missed while you were talking."

Edward grabs his books and stands up, waving a goodbye to Jessica before he turns his smile on me. I roll my eyes at him with a gentle smile and he chuckles.

"I hope I can trust you to still pay attention, Bella," Mr. Banner says seriously.

I smile and nod as Edward sits down next to me. "Yes, sir," I say.

Mr. Banner nods and turns back to the bored. Edward looks over at me and smiles. "Hello, Bella."

I punch his arm. "Focus on the bored," I whisper. He grins at me before doing what I ask.

Just as I start to scribble down more notes, I look forward to see Jessica Stanley watching me with narrowed eyes. I raise an eyebrow at her which only causes her glare to intensify.

The rest of the class passes without further incident. Edward takes notes quietly, but I can't help notice how much he fidgets. If he wasn't writing something, he was fidgeting with his hands. When his hands were busy, he was tapping his foot or bouncing his leg.

He even started to tap his pen incessantly, but I stopped that as soon as it started.

Shit hit the fan the instant I stepped into the lunch room.

My phone buzzes in my pocket as I step into the noisy ruckus that is the Forks cafeteria. I check it quickly, not surprised to see a text from Alice that said she'd be about 15 minutes late for lunch because she had to talk to Edward. That seemed to happen frequently with Alice and Edward, and she refused to talk to him in public.

As I stand near the door, waiting for Jasper to enter, Lauren approaches me with Jessica and the other members of her posse in tow.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lauren says to me with fake kindness.

I smile at her with all the fake happiness I can muster. "Waiting for Jasper so we can go eat. You should try eating sometime. It's really a great thing," I say with a wink.

Her face goes red before she speaks again. "Stay away from Edward. Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been looking at him lately. He's mine."

I roll my eyes. "It's okay to have friends, Lauren. And Edward and I are friends. Get over yourself."

She pushes me back against the wall. "Stay away from him," she practically hisses.

I can't help it. I laugh. "This is like some horrible movie about high school. What's next? Are you going to beat me up?" I mock. "Or dump something on me?"

She smiles at me with malice. "Well shit, you figured out the rest of the plan."

The next thing I know, I have chocolate milk being poured slowly over my head. It's cold and sticky. I can feel it seeping into my shirt as it makes its way down the short tendrils of my hair.

She pushes me into the wall again before she starts to back away. "Back off. He's mine," she says before she turns away.

I stand there for a few long moments, frozen in my spot with Jasper tugging on my arm, trying to get me to move. The chocolate milk smells sickeningly sweet as it starts soaking through my hair. I hate the smell of milk and, when a drop of it lands near by mouth, I can't stand it anymore.

I run.

I leave the cafeteria behind me along with the laughter of Lauren and her cohorts. I can hear Jasper chasing after me, yelling my name, but I refuse to stop.

I slow down for breath when I'm almost to the women's bathroom. I take a deep breath before I walk inside, but I barely put my hand on the door when I hear my name.

I turn around to see Alice and Edward staring at me in concern.

"What happened to you?" Alice says as she comes over to me.

"Lauren and her bitch friends, that's what happened," Jasper says as he runs up beside her. He looks at Edward with anger. "And even though I only saw the ending, I'm pretty sure I know what they were doing."

Edward stares at Jasper blankly for a moment before he looks over at me with horror on his face.

"They did this because of me?" He asks. Edward looks shaky again, almost as shaky as he was during Bio.

"It was nothing. Lauren's just a bitch. Now if you'll excuse me, I have chocolate milk coagulating in my hair that I need to attend to," I say snappily before I run into the bathroom.

I walk over to the sink and turn the water, cranking it so it's as hot as possible. I briefly glance under the door of each stall to make sure I'm alone before I turn back to the sink and dunk my head under.

I can feel the sticky milk begin to run out of my hair and blow out a sigh of relief. I'd rather have water in my hair the rest of the day than milk.

After I'm satisfied with my hair, I flip it back behind my back and feel the water begin to seep into my shirt. I splash some hot water on my face a few times before I blindly reach out to find the paper towel holder.

Imagine my surprise when I feel someone hand me one.

I wipe the water out of my eyes to see Alice standing next to me with a hand full of paper towels and a shirt draped over her arm.

She hands the rest of the paper towels to me before she pulls the purse off her shoulder. She unzips it and digs around for a long moment before she pulls out a small brush.

"Here," she says as she walks around behind me with a fresh handful of towels.

I feel her begin to squeeze out my hair while I continue to dry my face.

"I'm sorry for what they did to you," she whispers as she lets the towel absorb the water. "You didn't deserve that, especially not on account of Edward."

I shrug as I look at her in the mirror. "It probably would have happened eventually without Edward's presence. He just sped up the inevitable."

She groans as she walks over to the garbage can and throws away the used towels.

"People are bitches," she says as she hands the brush to me.

"Bitches pretty much run my life," I say as I pull the brush through my damp hair.

She giggles as she tosses the shirt at me. "Go change," she commands. "You're lucky I always carry an extra shirt."

I raise an eyebrow at her before I close the stall door. "And why do you do that?" I ask.

She's quiet for a long second before she answers. "It's a long story."

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><p><strong>Cryptic? Yes. <strong>

**It'll be explained later on. There's a lot about both Cullen children that will be explained later on.**

******Oh, and Emmett will be included in this story along with Rosalie eventually. Emmett will be related to Edward and Alice while Rosalie will probably just be introduced as Em's girlfriend.**

**Anywho, review, review, review, review, review. Please. It's a little discouraging when I don't get any feedback. It'll only take a sec and I really appreciate it :)**

**Love, **

**Emilia Elliot **


	9. Do you believe in life after love? No

**Hello my dears!**

**I'm super excited about this chapter, so please review.**

**I haven't really decided how long this story is going to be-probably around 25 chapters, but it depends on character development. I have a lot of good ideas for Alice, so those will begin next chapter.**

**Please review!**

**Here we go!**

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><p>When I walked out of the bathroom, Edward was waiting for me. His green eyes were alight with anger, but I'm not all that sure it was directed at Lauren.<p>

I've seen that look in my father's eyes. I've seen that look in my eyes.

Self-hatred.

He smiles sadly at me. "Wanna go for a car ride?" he asks. "I can have you back before the end of the day."

I look down at Alice's too-small-shirt. It really isn't that much smaller than I am, but it's a lot tighter than I am used to.

I smooth back my wet hair and nod, the thought of ditching gym making me more than willing to spend an awkward car ride with the guy who was indirectly responsible for my chocolate milk shower.

I look at Jasper. "Cover for me?" I ask.

He nods before pulling me into a Jasper hug. "I'm sorry that happened to you," he whispers.

I shrug. "Eh, it would have happened sooner or later," I say.

He rolls his eyes, but kisses my forehead before he and Alice walk away.

I look back over at Edward and he gestures for me to walk next to him. I do so silently and do my best to keep a few inches between us. I keep a cautious eye open as we walk, looking for either Lauren or the insane members of her posse who may decide to throw something worse on me…like a brick.

When we finally make it to the parking lot, I stop, realizing that I have no idea what his car looks like. I'd only ever seen his parents drop him off that first day and, after that, I hadn't cared to pay attention to what he was driving.

"It's right over there," Edward says as if he senses my confusion. He points across the parking lot to a silver Volvo.

"When did you get that?" I ask as we make our way to the sleek looking car.

He shrugs. "I bought it a few weeks before we moved here," he explains. "I wanted something fast, my parents wanted something safe. This was the only compromise we could come to."

I nod as I approach the passenger's side door. He quickly jumps in front of me and opens it. I raise an eyebrow at him with a smirk as I slide in.

"Quite the gentleman, aren't we?" I ask.

He smiles. "It's how my mother raised me."

Moments later, we're speeding out of the parking lot and down the road. A glance at the speed gage tells me we are going way over the speed limit. I'm about to tell him to slow down because I don't feel like dying today, but then I get a good look at his face.

This was the most peaceful and happy I've seen him since we met. His eyes were alight with happiness as he allowed the car to go a little bit faster. While the cop's daughter side of me wants to beg him to slow down, the thrill seeking side of me is enjoying the ride.

"So," he asks after a long moment of silence. "Where do you want to go?"

I look at him again. "You're driving, Edward. It's up to you."

He grins. "But I have no idea where to go in this town. You pick."

I think about it for a long moment. My dad knew too many people around town for me to go somewhere public, so I decide it has to be somewhere more remote.

"I know the perfect place."

Around thirty minutes later, we arrive at my favorite spot in all of Forks.

The meadow.

Jasper and I had found it a few years ago. We had been randomly hiking through the woods and we got horribly lost. I still remember saying that we were going to die of starvation and Jasper laughing at my dramatic antics. But, after a few hours of searching, we were able to find a beautiful meadow. Wild flowers grew in dozens of colors and you could hear the bubbling of a creek off in the distance.

It was beautiful.

And the only place we could find where we had cell phone reception.

Thankfully, Jasper's phone had a GPS on it so we could find our way out of the woods. Turns out there was a path nearby that led to the main road, which was only about 10 minutes from my house.

When we entered the meadow, Edward had the same reaction that Jasper and I had when we first found it.

"Wow," he whispers as he looks around.

I smile and continue walking into the meadow. I sat near the edge of the meadow and lean back against my normal tree. It seems as though the tree has molded to me over time as it fits the arch of my back perfectly.

I watch Edward as he takes in the meadow. He stands in the middle for about a minute before he seems to remember where he is. He turns around and smiles at me before he plops down on the ground in front of me and leans back on his arms.

We stare at each other for a long moment before I start to feel self-conscious. I pull my hair out of the ponytail holder and allow it to fall to my shoulders. I run my fingers through it and am momentarily thankful that it isn't sticky, just a little gross feeling.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward says quietly.

I shake my head. "It's not like you told them to do it, Edward. You can't stop other people's actions," I say.

He rolls his eyes at me. "I know that. But it still shouldn't have happened. You didn't do anything wrong," he insists.

I look at Edward for a moment and notice how inexplicably sad he looks. After the rush of driving fast and seeing the meadow has worn off, I can clearly see the bags under his eyes and the look on his face. It was what I saw earlier, the self-hatred, but more intensified.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I ask.

He widens his eyes at me. "What are you talking about?"

I raise an eyebrow at him. "This has to be about a lot more than spilled milk."

He chuckles humorlessly. "It's not about spilled milk. It's about them spilling milk on your head because of me."

I reach out and gently touch his knee. "Stop. It would have happened if came here or not. If it wasn't about you, it would have been about Mike Newton or Jasper," I say seriously.

At the mention of Jasper's name, Edwards eyes go from sad to curious. "Speaking of Jasper…is he your boyfriend or something?" he asks.

I make a face. "Hell no. That would be like incest. He's my best friend. Pretty much like a brother," I explain.

Edward still looks skeptical. "He seems rather protective of you for just being a friend," he says.

"Jasper knows me better than anyone else. He's seen me at my worst. And even if he did want more, which he doesn't, Jasper knows that I don't date," I say. "He wouldn't even bother."

Edward raises an eyebrow at m "You don't date?" he asks with surprise.

"Nope," I answer as I lean back against my tree.

"Why not?" He asks, looking way too interested.

I shrug. "I just…don't believe in it I guess," I say as I pull a handful of grass out of the ground. I lift it up in my hand and let the wind blow it away.

Edward stays silent for a long moment. He pulls some grass out from the ground and smiles as it follows the blades I had just let go.

"I have a lot of problems," he finally admits. "But whether or not love exists has never been a question for me. If it wasn't for the love of my parents and my sister, then I wouldn't have gotten to where I am today. I don't particularly want to be in Forks, but I know they are doing it because they love me."

I pick at the bark on the tree. "The only person I'm confident loves me is my father. But it's even hard for him," I whisper the last part. I have no clue why I'm telling him all of this. I barely know him, but maybe that's the beauty of it. He doesn't know me well, only knows what other people have told him. The other people in this town have their assumptions. Even if I told them all every insignificant detail, they wouldn't believe me.

"What about your mom?" he asks.

As if on cue, my phone rings. I know right away that it's my mother, so I take it out of my pocket and silence it.

"You can answer that if you want," he says.

I stare at the screen that is steadily blinking my mother's name. I know I should answer it. I can't avoid her forever. But the things I want to say to my mom…well they aren't things you want to say over the phone.

"No. She can go to voicemail," I say.

He looks at me with a funny expression before he leans forward and rests his hands just a few inches away from my knees.

"What happened today…well, I'm not going to let it happen again," he promises heatedly. "It never should have happened."

I smile sadly at him. "You do realize that being friends with me is worse for your reputation than it is for mine?" I ask. "All I've got is Jasper and, now, Alice. Are you sure you want to risk it?"

He smiles at me and stands up. He offers me his hand and I take it, allowing him to pull me up.

"Definitely."

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><p><strong>Review please! You guys are the best! :)<strong>

**Emilia Elliot **


	10. Someone's cranky

**Hello, my dears!**

**So here's another chapter! The response to the last one inspired me to write another! Keep sending them!**

**Anywho, on with the chapter! **

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><p>We were about half way to the school when Edward's car phone began to ring. He sends me an apologetic smile before he clicks the button hidden under his steering wheel to answer it.<p>

"Hello?"

"Hey, Edward!" Alice chirps through the phone. "Are you still with Bella?"

I clear my throat. "Hey, Alice," I say awkwardly. I'd never spoken to a car phone before.

I can hear her smile when she talks next. "Bella! Mom wants to know if you and your father want to come over for dinner tonight. Since you prepared such a nice dinner for us," she says.

I frown. "Sorry, Alice. My dad has to work the late shift tonight. He won't be done until midnight," I say sadly.

"That's fine!" Alice says. "You can still come. We can take you back to your truck after?" She asks. I don't answer for a long moment, so Alice chimes in again. "Please?"

I smile. "Sure, as long as you're sure it's okay?"

"It definitely is," she promises. "I'll see you both soon!"

Edward and I say a goodbye and hang up. I look over at him and smile.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding on your family dinner," I say with a grin.

He smiles back. "Bella, you are always welcome at our house. My mom is probably going to tell you that at least ten times tonight," Edward says with a laugh.

After a long moment he sighs. "I'm afraid it's me who should be apologizing to you," he says.

I roll my eyes as he turns onto a dirt road I've never been down before. "Edward, I told you. I'm over the milk thing." I promise.

He shakes his head. "I'm afraid it's much worse than that," he says as we drive over a small bridge.

I'm suddenly feeling nervous. "What?"

He looks at me seriously. "My brother's here."

I met Emmett, the other Cullen sibling, shortly after Alice forced me into the shower with a promise of fresh clothing and clean hair.

And he was something else.

I began to descend the stairs and head to the living room where Alice had told me she would be when I saw what had to be the bulkiest guy I've ever seen standing in the doorway. He was holding the hand of a beautiful blonde woman who was staring at Esme with striking blue eyes.

I tried to sneak around unnoticed, but Esme caught me.

"Oh! Emmett, this is Bella. She's a friend of Edward and Alice from school. I invited her over for dinner tonight," she explained. "Bella, this is Emmett and his fiancé, Rosalie."

I smile and walk over to them as I outstretch my hand. "It's nice to meet you," I say softly.

Emmett laughs and shakes my hand. "Well aren't you polite? Nice to meet you too! My sister has told us plenty about you," he says.

I look over to Rosalie and offer her my hand. After a long and extremely awkward moment, she half smiles at me and shakes my hand.

"Pleasure," she says.

I smile at her, confused by her slightly cold greeting. When she releases my hand, Emmett grabs hers and squeezes gently. Her blue eyes meet his and after a moment, she smiles.

Esme puts her hand gently on my shoulder and speaks to Emmett and Rose. "She's been such a dear to both Edward and Alice," she says kindly. Then her voice slips into a whisper. "And she hasn't treated Edward any differently than any normal person," she says, looking directly at Rosalie.

Rosalie nods and looks back at me, her smile just a little bit warmer.

Esme smiles down at me and winks. "Go on into the living room. Edward and Alice are in there," she says.

I smile in thanks to Esme and look back at Emmett and Rosalie. "It was nice to meet you both," I say with a wave.

Emmett booms another laugh, and his dark brown eyes light up as his curly brown hair bounces. "It was indeed," he says with a wink at Rosalie.

I feel like I'm missing out on some sort of joke, but I don't say anything.

As I walk towards where I assume the living room is, I take a few moments to admire the beauty of the house. As soon as I had entered 20 minutes ago, I had been taken aback by the grandness of the foyer and the massive staircase. To the right of the foyer was a room that held an easel and paint along with a few other artsy thins. To the left was a huge white wall that was covered with family photos. Pictures of Edward and Emmett playing as babies, then a few of a little Alice running around in bright dresses and insane hair ribbons.

As I journey farther down the hall, I can see the kitchen and as soon as I enter it, I can hear other voices coming from what I assume to be the living room.

"Alice, drop it!" Edward hisses.

"No," I hear Alice say. Her voice has a stubborn note to it. "I will not drop it until you listen to me!"

Edward groans loudly. "I _have _been listening to you. I've been listening to you since we left LA. And you're wrong."

I hear something hit the ground loudly before Alice speaks again.

"You know I'm right," she says.

"Shut up. It's my life! I think I would know what I've done. And it was only once," Edward demanded.

I decide to make my presence known as I am starting to feel extremely guilty about eavesdropping.

"Am I interrupting something?" I say as I enter the room. "I can come back if you want,"

Edward looks at me for a long moment before he storms out of the room angrily. He brushes my elbow as he leaves and I watch as he runs out the back door. As soon as he's five feet from the house, he pulls out a cigarette and lights up.

I look back at Alice who has tears in her eyes. "Oh God, I'm sorry, Bella! He's just so pigheaded sometimes, and I never know…I mean, I just want to help. Is that so bad?"

I walk over to Alice and awkwardly put my arm around her shoulder. "It's okay, Alice. I've only known Edward for a few weeks and I can already see he's moody."

She shakes her head. "He's either happy, extremely depressed, or extremely angry. I can't keep up with him anymore. And you'd think, after everything I've done for him, he'd just trust me," she whispers. She looks out the window at Edward.

"After everything I've been through because of him, you'd think he'd have more consideration for me," she whispers as she stares blankly out the window.

I take her hand and steer her over to the couch, which I take a moment to admire. It's super comfortable and leather, which is something my dad and I can't have because of Velma.

We'd see a couch; she'd see a personal scratching post.

"Alice," I say softly. I continue when she looks at me. "What happened to you?" I ask.

She stares into my eyes for a long moment, but before she can say anything, Emmett bounds in.

"Hey, Al!" he says before he comes to a running stop in front of us. His eyes flash between the two of us before he glances out the window.

"What happened?" he asked.

I shrug and Alice wipes her face before she smiles. "Just more of Edward being a butthead," she says with a grumble.

He laughs. "What else is new?"

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><p><strong>I almost told Alice's story, but I decided that it was too soon. She doesn't know Bella well enough and I know if I were Alice, I wouldn't tell her yet. <strong>

**But soon, I promise! And more of Edward's history will be coming up as well.**

**Review! :) **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	11. Dysfunctional family

Dinner was…

Well it was fucking weird.

Due to Edward's sudden crankiness and Alice trying to hold back tears, it was up to Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle, and I to keep an awkward conversation going. Due to my being new, it mostly revolved around me-my home life, what I wanted to do in college, how long I'd lived here, etc.

The only time it got awkward at the dinner table is when my mother became the topic of conversation. I quickly stated that my father and she were divorced and, thankfully, no one pressed me for details.

When dinner finally ended, Esme invited us to do whatever we wanted until the dessert was completely ready. Since Alice and Edward were both not in the mood to talk and I really didn't feel like prying, I decided to go sit outside. It was rare to have a decent day in Forks, so I was going to take advantage of it.

I curl up in a huge wicker chair that was disgustingly comfortable and stare blankly at the sky above me. The sun was going down, giving everything a slightly pink-orange tint.

It was almost magical.

But the tranquility I felt quickly left as Rosalie walked out onto the porch.

"Hello, Bella," she whispers quietly.

I smile at her. "Hi, Rosalie."

She gestures to the seat across from me. "Do you mind if I join you?"

I shake my head. "Not at all."

We sit in an awkward silence for about five minutes. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye and see her nervously fidgeting with her hands. I sigh and look back out in the distance, once again admiring the brief sunlight.

"Bella," Rosalie finally begins. "I want to apologize."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "For what?"

She rests her hands gently on her lap. "For the cold way I greeted you," she says sadly. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I've just seen this family go through a lot of turmoil because of Edward's celebrity status, especially Alice."

I don't say anything, sensing that she isn't quite done with her explanation and, after a long pause, she speaks again.

"The Cullen's are the only real family I've ever known and the thought of someone hurting them again…I just couldn't stand it," she whispers. "But Alice tells me that you've caused a change in Edward, and she's happy again. I was hoping we could start over. Be friends," she finally concludes.

I smile at her. "Of course, Rosalie. I didn't take any offense to the way you acted earlier and, honestly, I don't blame you," I say with a shrug.

She smiles a breath taking smile. "Thank you, Bella," she says. Her expression quickly goes back to serious though, and I briefly wonder if the entire family has trouble controlling their emotions.

"Just promise me you'll be there for Alice," she says. "I love her like my own little sister and know how hard it is for her to trust people. And I can see she's beginning to trust you. Don't make her regret that."

I nod at her. "I won't."

The dessert Esme made is probably the best thing I've ever eaten. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it has chocolate and strawberries in it, and it immediately wins me over. After two helpings and a large glass of milk, Emmett and Rose say they have to leave. After a gentle hug from Rosalie and a bear hug from Emmett, they leave with the promise to be back soon.

Apparently, they live in Port Angeles.

As we sit in the living room talking, I'm glad to see that Alice is livelier than she was and Edward, while still cranky, is at least listening to what we say. It's more than I'd seen from them since we got here, so I was grateful.

It was around 8 when I decided it was time for me to leave. Edward still hadn't said anything and I could see Alice was getting tired, so I stood up.

"It's getting late," I say. "I should probably get home."

Edward and Alice both stand up. "I'll drive you," they say in unison.

I raise an eyebrow at them and Alice looks at Edward. "Do you really want to put Bella through a long quiet car ride with your cranky self?" Alice says with a frown. "Because the way you've been acting all night? Well I wouldn't want to ride with you either," she growls at him.

Edward rolls his eyes and speaks for the first time in hours. "I am perfectly capable of taking her," he insists. "Plus, I'd rather have it quiet than have you blab my ear off."

They bicker between themselves for a bit before I look to Carlisle and Esme. "Does this happen a lot?" I ask.

Carlisle nods. "Unfortunately."

Esme stands up and starts telling them to stop, but they keep throwing insults at each other until Edward walks away from them both and grabs my hand, pulling me along behind them.

"I'm taking her home," he mumbles. I turn around and look at Alice and Esme and Carlisle. I could tell from the look on Esme's face that she was tired and Carlisle looked like he wanted to run after us and yell at Edward, but Alice looked the worse of all. She watched Edward's retreating back with sadness and anger. She attempted a smile at me, but I couldn't find it in me to smile back.

There was a lot more going on with this family than they let on.

As predicted, the car ride began with only the hum of the engine to ward of the silence. He took off out of the driveway faster than I expected and my heart started racing as he took each curve in the road at sharp angles.

After a minute, I couldn't keep quiet.

"Okay I know you have some sort of family drama going on, but slow the fuck down!" I yell. "You're going to kill us both!"

It's as though I snap him out of some sort of stupor. His eyes meet my terrified ones and I feel the car slowly begin to drop in speed until we're only going 15 mph.

I sigh in relief and loosen my grip on the side of my seat. "Thanks you."

He nods. "Yeah, probably shouldn't have gone that fast with the chief's daughter in the car," he says quietly.

"Or any other human being for that matter," I argue. "That was reckless, Edward. Seriously."

He rolls his eyes. "Grow a backbone, Swan. That was nothing," he growls.

It takes a moment for his rude words to register in my mind before I flip out.

"So what crawled up your ass and died?" I ask. "Because you may want to take care of that because you're acting like a complete fucker"

He looks at me, his green eyes ablaze with anger. He pulls off to the side of the road and slams on the breaks.

"Well who shoved a pole up your ass? Ever heard of having fun?" he asks with a sneer.

I look at him for a long moment. "Just because you're a celebrity does not give you the right to treat me like shit," I say. "I thought we decided on being friends earlier, Edward. What happened to that?"

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it quickly. He turns away from me and leans his head against the steering wheel with his eyes closed.

After what seemed like forever, he leans back up and looks at me.

"I'm sorry," he says gently. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I really don't know what came over me."

I can hear the lie in his voice, the denial, but I choose not to comment on it.

"It's okay," I say softly and, without another word, he pulls back out onto the main road and drives me back to my truck at the school.

Being at the school so late at night is creepy. The place that always seems so lively with people is as dead as the night. The only cars that are here belong to the night janitors.

Neither of us makes any movements after he parks the car. We both stare straight ahead at the empty school for a few minutes. But the silence is too heavy and I know something needs to be said.

"Listen," I start. "I can see at this point that something really bad happened to you and your family in LA. And honestly, it's none of my business. But you can't take that out on other people, especially not Alice. Yell at me all you want, but Alice loves you. She just wants you happy."

He turns his head to look at me. "You think I don't know that?" he sounds offended.

"I'm sure you do. But you need to control yourself sometime. I mean, you have these mood swings…you were perfectly content when we left the meadow but as soon as you stepped into your house, it was like you were a different person. You barely said two words the entire night," I say gently. I don't want to get him angry again, but he needs to hear it from someone.

He sighs. "I just need a good night's sleep. I'll see you tomorrow," he says quickly.

I groan and unbuckle my seatbelt before I throw the door open and slam it behind me.

I hear the whirl of the window going down before Edward calls my name softly. I stop and turn around to find him leaning out of the window, staring at me with sad eyes.

"Earlier, you said being friends with you would hurt my reputation…" he begins. "You should realize by now that it's the other way around. I'm only going to hurt you," he says sadly. "I hurt everybody."

Before I can respond, he's driving away while simultaneously rolling up the window.

And I just stare after him in confusion before I shake my head and jump into the cab of my truck. I turn on the heat after I start the car and pull my phone out of my pocket just as it starts to ring.

Alice.

"Hey Alice," I say in greeting.

"Can I come over to your house? I need to explain a few things," she says quickly.

I look at the clock on my dash and see that it's almost 9. My dad should be home in an hour, but I think he'll understand.

"Sure. See you in ten."


	12. Don't trust a hoe

**I'm super nervous about this chapter, so stick with me! I hope you guys enjoy it!**

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><p>I only have a few minutes before Alice arrives.<p>

She pulls up in her father's black Mercedes and smiles a weary smile as she shuts the door.

"Hey," I say as I push Velma back with my foot. She meows loudly so I lean down and pick her up. "I'm sure you remember Velma," I say to Alice as the cat in my arms struggles to get down.

I drop Velma to the ground and she immediately begins to smell Alice's shoes-black converse heels-before she becomes bored and walks away into the living room.

Alice smiles after the cat. "She certainly has personality," she says as she slips off her shoes.

I nod. "She gets it from her mother," I say with pride. Alice laughs but it only lasts a moment. I can see something is weighing heavily on her as she stands awkwardly in the doorway.

"Uhm, come on in," I say. "Can I get you something to drink?"

She shakes her head. "No, thanks," she replies as she sits in my father's old recliner. She curls her legs under her body before she leans back in the chair. I sit down on the couch and allow Velma to curl up on my lap. She purrs loudly a few times before she falls asleep with her head resting gently on my arm.

"So," I begin. "What's this all about?"

Alice avoids looking at me and instead chooses to focus on wringing her hands together over and over again. Her skin is much paler than usual and the way she is folding in on herself worries me. I haven't known Alice long, but I know that this isn't normal for her.

"I just…I feel horrible about dinner," she says. "My brother and I ruined that for you and I feel as though I owe you an explanation…well, as much of an explanation as I can give," she rambles on.

"Alice," I say, cutting her off. She looks at me with sad eyes and I smile as reassuringly as possible. "You don't owe me any explanations. I mean, I'm not stupid. I know something is going on. But I only want you to tell me because you want to, not because you feel obligated."

She smiles at me. "I want to," she reassures me. "I trust you, Bella. I don't know why, but I just do. I haven't had many close friends over the years, but you're different. Everyone can see that, even Rosalie and Emmett." She looks at me seriously. "You won't betray me."

I shake my head. "Whatever you tell me stays with me, Alice. I won't repeat anything."

She smiles, but it's not a happy smile. "I know," she says. "So I don't see the point in keeping it a secret any longer. It's nothing I should be ashamed of really. I just…it's hard."

I nod in encouragement and, after a long moment, she speaks.

"Well, for starters, I'm adopted," she says.

My eyes widen. "Really?" I ask stupidly.

She nods. "When I was 6, my parents died in a horrible accident. Carlisle was helping out at the hospital in Los Padres, California. It's about two hours outside of LA. He was helping out on a special case when I came in. We were in the car and it was storming really badly. My dad…he just lost control of the car," she whispered. "They died on impact."

I shake my head, unable to speak for a long moment. "I'm so sorry," I finally squeak out.

Alice shrugs. "It was a long time ago," she whispers. "The worst part happened when I was 16 at my old high school," she says. "I had a lot of friends. I mean, I was Alice Cullen. Sister of the famous Edward. Being my friend was how you became popular, but I was stupid enough to believe that they liked me for me.

"So one night, they invited me to a party and they hinted strongly that I should invite Edward," she continues. Her face grows hard and I begin to get nervous. "He promised to make an appearance but the night of the party he was…occupied. I left my house really late and by the time I arrived at the party, everyone was drunk. The minute I got there, I went to find Irina. She was my _best friend_ at my old high school. I told her Edward wasn't coming…"

I just stared at her, waiting for her to continue. I could feel the tension radiating off of her as she stared straight forward. Her body was present, but her mind was somewhere else, somewhere in LA.

"She was so mad. She told everyone there that I was a lying slut and, because she was so popular and everyone was so drunk, the believed her. I had an entire keg of beer dumped over me and took a few slaps to the face from Irina and her cronies. And then Max, the guy I liked at the time…well, he really thought I was easy," she whispers.

I gasp in horror. "Alice…he didn't…?" I don't want to say it. I hope that if I don't, it will somehow make the situation less true, less horrible than it is.

She shakes her head. "He almost did. Thankfully, the cops busted it just as shit started to get bad," she says softly. "But the worst part is that I really thought of all of these people as my friends, but they just wanted me for what I could give them. What my brother could give them. "

I look out the window into the night for a long moment, trying to process everything she just told me. But things made a lot more sense now. Why Alice didn't want to be known as Edward's sister. Why Rosalie was so defensive when she first met me.

Why she always carried an extra shirt.

"Alice…I don't know what to say…I mean, that's just…" I flounder for the right thing to say, something that will make this situation better than it seems.

She shakes her head. "Don't say that you're sorry. It's not your fault," she says fiercely. "But now you know my story. Hopefully, Eddie boy will realize that he needs to fill you in on all of his issues. You've been good for him, Bella, and I think you're going to be the right person to get through to him," she says with a smile.

I shake my head. "I don't know about that. He…well he wasn't all that happy with me when he dropped me off," I say as his last words to me float back into my mind.

_"You should realize by now that it's the other way around. I'm only going to hurt you. I hurt everybody. _

I nod as realization hits me. "He blames himself for what happened to you," I say. "It makes more sense now."

She nods. "And I admit for some time, I did blame him. But he knows I'm done with it. I don't blame him. I blame myself. I blame Irina. I blame Max," she spits his name out angrily. "But there's more than that. He has his own problems that he refuses to admit. But you'll be good for him. He's almost there now, he just needs that extra push."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "That's where I come in?"

Alice smiles widely. "That's where you come in."

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><p><strong>Review! More about Edward in the next chapter! <strong>


	13. Last Friday nighthow 'bout not

**So here's another chapter! This one is rated M, so read with caution. It's nothing to extreme, but the next chapter will probably go a little more in depth. **

**Anywho. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I really like it even though it's shorter than I normally do. **

**Please enjoy this glimpse into Edward's back story!**

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><p>Edward's mood swings seem to get worse as the next few weeks pass. When I seem him in the morning, I'm never quite sure what Edward I'm going to get. He's either happy to see me, angry at something I don't really understand, or just depressed.<p>

Maybe it's progress though. I'm one of the only people he shows his emotions to. Everyone else still seems to think that he's the perfect Edward Cullen. When he sits with them at lunch, he still smiles at acts like everything is fine.

As I sit in lunch today, talking with Alice and Jasper, I realize how much it bothers me that he still sits with all of them at lunch. I understand that he has other friends besides me, but after Lauren was kind enough to provide me with some free milk at lunch two weeks ago, I kind of expected him to stick up for me.

But no. He still sits with them and smiles like everything is okay. But he and I both know that things aren't okay.

While Alice has continued to tell me more about herself since that night at my house, Edward has remained as cryptic as ever. He won't tell me anything or even explain what he meant after he dropped me off at my house.

_"You should realize by now that it's the other way around. I'm only going to hurt you. I hurt everybody." _

I understand that everyone has secrets, but this is just getting annoying.

Patience is not a virtue of mine. I can be patient if I try really hard, but half the time, I just don't feel like trying. And Edward…well, he's wearing on my last nerve.

He'll let little things slip once in a while to me, whether it's in Biology or at his house, but there isn't much to go off of. He's said something about a girl, Tanya, and her getting him into trouble.

What that means, I have no clue.

So I try to be patient.

"Bella?" Jasper's voice snaps me back to the present.

"Sorry, what?" I ask as I grab my bottle of water.

Jasper raises an eyebrow. "I asked if you were wanted to go to Newton's party tonight," he says.

I bite my lip. It's Friday and I think after the few weeks I've had, I have the right to go out and have a drink. And Lauren and Jessica tend to be better behaved at parties. They know I have the ability to call my father and shut the whole thing down.

I'd never actually do that, but they don't need to know that.

"I don't know," I say as I unscrew the lid on my water. "I don't know if I want to deal with a bunch of drunks tonight."

Alice smiles and grabs my hand. "Please, Bella. I really want to go, but it won't be any fun without you," she begs. "Please."

I think about it for a long moment, mainly because I think it's funny to see Alice bouncing in her seat, waiting for my answer. Finally, I giggle and nod.

"Why not?"

~O~

By the time I arrive at Newton's party, it's about ten. The party is clearly in full swing, judging by the music blaring from the windows and the red solo cups that are already strewn across the front lawn. Alice, Jasper, and I squish in through the door and I wonder why everyone is standing at the entrance.

That's when I see Mike Newton himself and Tyler Crowley chugging beer through a funnel.

Oh, the things that entertain the masses.

We scoot past everyone and manage to make it into the kitchen. I reach into the fridge and grab three sealed beers. I pass one to Jasper and one to Alice before I pop the top on my own bottle. I take a long swig and allow the alcohol to burn down my throat before I sigh.

That's when I notice Alice and Jasper holding hands.

I knew it was coming, but instead of commenting on it, I smile at Alice. Jasper, who is talking to some tool from our history class, doesn't notice.

She smiles back and I wiggle my eyebrows. She laughs, which catches Jasper's attention.

"What's so funny?" he asks, smiling down at Alice.

She grins and shakes her head. "Nothing, Jazz. Nothing whatsoever."

As they start to get into a deeper conversation, I begin to feel like a third wheel. I look around the room and decide to sneak out the back door and give the love birds their alone time. Thankfully, the party is too loud for them to notice when the door slams behind my back.

It's a cool night, but the sky is clear. I look up at the stars and start picking out constellations in my head.

I remember once, when I was little, my mom laid a blanket on the grass one warm night in the middle of summer. She called me outside and we lay down on the blanket and she taught me how to tell which constellations were which. My dad came out not long after and joined us. He kept making up fake constellations to make me laugh and my mom would giggle loudly and smack my dad playfully on the chest.

We were so happy then. I miss those days.

I'm distracted from my memories when the door behind me slams. I turn around quickly, startled, and see none other than Edward Cullen standing near the door with a huge smile on his face.

"Hello, Bella," he says. His voice sounds funny. I figure it's the alcohol.

"Hi, Edward. Are you having fun?" I ask politely.

He nods. "Yes I am. It doesn't look like you are though," he says with a laugh.

I shrug and turn back around. I glance back up at the stars. "I'm just star gazing. Partying isn't really my scene," I confess.

He laughs again and bounds over to my side. "That's because you're not doing it right!" he exclaims. "Come here," he says as he pulls me over to the patio table.

The flood lights come on with our sudden movement and, for the first time tonight, I can see his face clearly.

Edward's normally green eyes are almost completely black. His pupils are huge, taking out almost all of the green, leaving only a small sliver. The white part of his eyes looks bloodshot. I reach up and gently touch his forehead and notice how warm he feels. His body doesn't stop moving as he smiles at me, grabs my hand from his face and holds it between his.

"Edward," I begin. I can barely get the words out. "Are you high?"

In reply, he pulls a bag of white powder from his coat pocket.

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><p><strong>So...there's that.<strong>

**The next chapter will follow up on Edward's habits a lot more. It will NOT be that explicit, b****ut if drug use makes you uncomfortable, I'll find a way to make it so you don't have to read that part. **

**Also, there will be more on Bella's mother in the upcoming chapters. Bella still has that whole "I need to fix everyone before I fix myself" thing going on. So Edward will be taken care of a little more before Bella will be. **

**But don't worry. I haven't forgotten her!**

**Review, please! I love reading them. **

**Oh, and Happy Easter! :) **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	14. When things get bad

**This chapter has literally exhausted me. I hope you guys like where the story is progressing. This fic is probably going to be about 25 chapters at most, so we're halfway there. **

**Warning: There is a lot of talk of drug use in this chapter and a brief moment of someone actually ingesting a drug. It only lasts a quick moment though.**

**Anywho, enjoy the chapter and, as usual, review! :) **

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><p>I watch as Edward dumps the cocaine on the table. He begins to put it into a straight line with his credit card before taking a dollar bill out of his pocket.<p>

"Wanna go first?" he asks with an excited smile on his face.

I'm in shock and, for a long moment, I can do nothing besides stare at his excited face. He looks alive and ecstatic. I remember the day in the car when he was driving fast like a maniac, and how I thought he looked so happy. That is nothing compared to how he looks now.

His black eyes focus on mine. "Well?" he prods, holding the dollar bill out to me.

I nod and take the dollar bill from him and he looks even more surprised and excited than he did a moment ago.

I rip the dollar bill in half before I lean over and blow the cocaine off the table. I use my sleeve to wipe off the rest of it and turn around to a furious looking Edward.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" he yells. "I paid money for that!"

I roll my eyes and pat my sleeve off. "Like you don't have enough to buy more if you really wanted to," I sneer as I toss my beer bottle on the ground behind me.

He tries to collect the powder that remained on the table, but barely gets a pinky full. "Damn it!" he yells. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he turns his eyes to me and I'm thankful to see a little more green than there had been a few minutes ago.

"What is wrong with _me_? What's wrong with _you?_!" I scream. "Are you stupid? Drugs, Edward? That's your big issue? _Drugs_?"

Edward rolls his eyes at me. "Don't fucking judge me. You don't understand shit, Bella. This," he says as he snorts the little bit of cocaine off his pinkie, "is the only thing that's gotten me through anything."

I roll my eyes as Alice and Jasper run outside. Alice's eyes are wide and Jasper looks confused as he wraps his arm around Alice.

"That's bull. You have a family that loves you, all the money you could ever ask for, and people treat you like you're God. Yes, life is so fucking terrible for you," I say sarcastically.

He rolls his eyes. "You don't know anything."

"Bella! Edward! What is going on?" Alice practically screeches from her spot.

I look at her with a frown, but before I can say anything, Edward jumps in.

"Nothing, Alice. Just go back inside. I can handle this," he says harshly.

I move closer to him and begin to yell. "No, Edward. Why don't you tell her what was going on!" I glare at him. "I'm sure she won't be surprised."

He gets in my face. "Shut up!" he yells.

Jasper lets go of Alice and walks towards Edward. "Do not talk to her like that," he whispers menacingly before turning to me. "Bella, what's going on?"

I look at Alice. "Has he always been into drugs, or was this his first time?" I ask in answer.

Alice walks closer to Edward and he averts his eyes. She forcefully grabs his face and turns it so he has to look at her. Jasper and I watch as she takes in his dilated pupils and bloodshot eyes. Before I can say anything, I see Alice's shoulders begin to shake.

"Only one time, Edward? Really? Only once. I knew that was bullshit!" she shrieks as she pushes Edward away from her. "Damn it! What were you thinking?"

At this point, a crowd is beginning to form. I look at Jasper and he nods before he grabs Alice's hand and pulls her away. I give Edward a serious look before telling him to follow me. He surprises me by complying.

Once we're back in the front yard, I look at him.

"Did you drive?" I ask.

He nods and points to his car that's parked directly across the street. I hold my hand out and he reluctantly gives me the keys.

I turn to Jasper and Alice. "Alice, are your parents at home?"

She shakes her head. "No," she says between sniffles, "they're at some conference in Seattle."

I nod. "Jasper, take her somewhere, get some food in her. I'll take Edward back home and get his stupid ass under control." I say.

Jasper shakes his head and looks at Edward, who looks like he's beginning to come down. "I'm not leaving you alone with him," he says as he glares at Edward.

I roll my eyes. "Go, Jasper. If anything happens, I'll call you," I promise.

After a long moment, he nods reluctantly and puts his arm around a crying Alice. She looks back at us over her shoulder and shakes her head at Edward before turning back around and leaning her head on Jasper's shoulder.

I look at Edward, who is looking down at his trembling hands. I look at him and sigh, catching his attention.

"Come on. I'm taking you home," I command.

~O~

The car ride to the Cullen's is awkward at best. He doesn't say much, but is jittery the entire time and chuckles to himself frequently. A few times, I almost ask him if I can be let in on the joke, but then I remember what he did tonight and why he's laughing and become angry and disgusted all over again.

When we pull up to his house, I put the car in park and take out the keys. I step out of the car and, after we're both out, I lock the doors.

He only has three keys on his key chain, so figuring out which key goes to the front door isn't hard. One of the keys is to his Volvo, while the other one looks as though it goes to a safe. That only leaves one, and it slides in the lock easily.

He surprises me by remaining silent as we walk through the house and into the kitchen. I tell him to go into the living room and wait for me, and again, he surprises me by doing what I say. I can see him sitting silently on the couch as I get some water from the fridge and make him a sandwich.

I flip on the lights in the living room and he jumps slightly. When he looks at me, his pupils are back to normal again and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Eat this," I command as I hand him the sandwich.

Edward reaches forward and grabs the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and shows it down before he drinks the glass of water. I don't say anything for a long time after he finishes. I just stare at the wall blankly, wondering what to say.

"How long have you been doing cocaine?" I ask bluntly.

Edward doesn't answer right away, but suddenly, he finds the floor to be increasingly interesting. I wait, allowing him time to decide what he wants to say.

"There's no point in lying to me, Edward. I'm not below asking Alice to fill me in," I threaten.

He sighs loudly before he puts the plate and cup onto the coffee table. He looks up at me and studies my face for a long moment before he speaks.

"A friend in LA made me try it once," he finally says. "I did it a few times after that, but that's it. I'm not addicted or anything. I can stop whenever I want."

I can't help it; I laugh. "And you realize you just said the most classic line for an addict?"

He rolls his eyes and stands up. "God, Bella. I just wish you would understand. I wish you _could_ understand. My life isn't as easy as everyone thinks it is. I'm under so much pressure. The drugs just took the edge of when shit got bad."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "When shit got bad? Shit got bad in your life? Tell me. What was so bad that it made you turn to cocaine?"

He paces back and forth in front of the couch. "Everyone wanted something from me. Whether it was time or money or just my body. I was being torn apart and I could do nothing to stop it. I couldn't let anyone see that I was getting tired of it. I would just end up being known as a stuck up celebrity. So I did what I could to keep myself happy and personable," he admits. "Cocaine helped. It kept me happy. So when things get bad, that's what I turn to."

I look at him with disgusted eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you saying that when things get bad, drugs are okay? That people should be able to snort whatever they want if it makes them feel good?"

He shrugs. "If that's what it takes," Edward says softly.

I glare at him. "That is so fucking backwards, I can't even take it! You know your sister? The one who was adopted because her parents died and then almost fucking raped? She _never_ did drugs. She didn't rely on alcohol to get through it. She just got through it.

"But a woman," I begin quietly, "who has a loving husband that provides for her and a daughter that admired the shit out of her, has the right to do any drugs wants," I sneer. "As long as it keeps her 'happy'?"

Edward looks taken aback for a moment before he regains his composure and speaks.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he asks as he moves towards me.

I stand up and stare at him with narrowed eyes. "My mother didn't just walk out for the fuck of it, Edward. She left because she was a cheater who got addicted to heroin."

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><p><strong>So.<strong>

**We get a little more about each character. Bella will explain more in the next chapter. And yes, Bella's mom will come in ****later on. I think our Bella deserves some closure on that, don't you think?**

**PLEASE review! It makes me happy and makes me write faster! :) **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot**


	15. Like mother, like famous celebrity

**So here's the next chapter. I'm not going to lie, I like this one a lot. Hopefully, you all will too.**

**It's shorter than my normal chapters, but this one is kind of a turning point for Bella and for Edward. **

**Anywho, please read and review! Tell me what you think! **

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><p>"<em>What the fuck are you talking about?" he asks as he moves towards me.<em>

_I stand up and stare at him with narrowed eyes. "My mother didn't just walk out for the fuck of it, Edward. She left because she was a cheater who got addicted to heroin." _

Edward doesn't move for a long moment. He just stares at me as my words seep in. He shakes his head in disbelief.

"I…you've never talked about your mom before," he whispers.

I roll my eyes. "It's not something I want to broadcast, Edward. I'm ashamed of my mother. Everyone else just thinks she cheated. And she did with about five different guys. When she started disappearing for days at a time, my dad and I knew something was up. I was looking through her jewelry box so I could borrow a pair of earrings, but instead I found a needle. By then, it was too late. She was gone," I finish.

Edward sits down on a nearby chair and rolls his eyes at me. "Just because you found a needle doesn't mean she's into heroin, Bella," he says defensively.

I raise an eyebrow. "No shit. But my dad knew about it before I found the needle. He had confronted her, begged her to get help, and she had said she'd think about it. The two weeks later, she was gone."

Edward leans back in his chair and studies my face. He opens his mouth a few times before snapping it shut. I wait for him to give some sort of response and, when he doesn't, I grab my coat.

"The only drugs that are excusable are the ones prescribed by doctors. Shit like heroin and cocaine ruins lives. It ruined mine and my fathers. It's ruining Alice's. And if you don't get your shit together, Edward? It's going to ruin yours. Is a fifteen minute high really fucking worth the inevitable fall?" I ask as I put my coat on.

Edward stands back up and crosses his arms defensively. "Alice is fine. I'm fine. And your father loves you. You're all he could talk about at dinner. Just because your mom was addicted doesn't mean it has to ruin your life," he says in a condescending tone. "I think you're being dramatic."

I scoff. "Fuck that! Remember how I told you I didn't believe in love? That's my mother's fault. She used to write me letters when she first left. And each time, there was a new guy she'd talk about. Shane, Robert, Kyle, Frankie, Tom. I can't even count anymore. I don't know how many there has been since then. She stopped writing when she figured out I'd never answer her." I need him to understand.

Edward doesn't say anything for a long time and, at this point, I'm done with the awkward silences. I'm done with his bitchy attitude. I'm just done. I sigh in frustration, throw his car keys down on the coffee table, and start to leave but, before I can even make it out of the living room, he grabs my wrist and pulls me back to him.

"Bella, I'm not your mom," he says softly.

I shake my head. "I know that," I whisper. "But Edward I…care about you. And I don't want to see you turn into her, but in one way or another, you will."

Then I pull my arm away from Edward and run. I run from him, from the situation, from my mother, and from myself.

Because in Edward, I see myself. I see my mother and her weaknesses. Edward is the epitome of everything I've tried to avoid in my life.

But as I run down the narrow pathway towards the road, I want nothing more than to turn and run back to him and embrace the man who could very well be the end of me.

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><p><strong>Is our Bella starting to feel something for Drugward?<strong>

**Review and maybe in the next chapter, I'll give you a little more fluff between Edward and Bella.**

**I think they deserve some at this point. **

**Review! **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	16. Ever heard of a door?

**I deserve a prize for getting out two chapters in one day. **

**I really hope you guys like this chapter-it has a good mix of the serious stuff, but has the fluff that I promised you guys.**

**And it has Velma, who I have to ad****mit is one of my favorite characters :)**

******Anywho, on with the chapter!**

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><p>By the time I get home, I'm freezing. It may be warm out for an October day in Forks, but that doesn't mean it's warm. And it's not day anymore. It's night time, almost 12:30am. I grumble in frustration as I approach my front door, but am thankful that my father doesn't seem to be home.<p>

The last thing I want to do is play 20 question.

I spot Velma sleeping on the staircase as soon as I walk in. Her ears perk up as she lazily opens her eyes to see who it is. When she realizes it's me, she leaps up and greets me as I shut the door and lock it behind me.

"It's been a bad night, Velma," I whisper as I pick her up. "People are so stupid."

She nuzzles my face and begins to purr. I scratch her ears as I walk up the stairs, anxious to get out of my cold clothing and into a pair of sweats and a hoodie.

I toss Velma onto my bed, earning me a growl in response, before I walk over to my dresser and pull out my favorite pair of sweatpants. They're probably about ten sizes too big for me, but that's why I like them-they make me feel comfortable.

I grab a dark blue hoodie off of my floor and toss it on over a t-shirt before I crawl into my bed. Velma immediately makes her way up to my head and curls up next to me on the pillow. She stretches her paws out so that the pads touch the side of my face. I chuckle and pull her down off of my pillow and under the covers.

"You are the biggest bed hog ever, Velmster," I tell her.

She responds by falling asleep.

I, however, am restless. Every time I close my eyes, I see Edward's eyes as they were at the party. I, thankfully, never had to see my mother high. But seeing Edward the way he was, I'm even more thankful that I didn't have to.

My thoughts continue to wander from Edward to my mother and back again when I hear my dad come home. He slams the door shut before I hear him lumber his way into the kitchen. About five minutes later, I can see the light in the hallway flick on from the crack beneath my door. I close my eyes and wait, knowing that, after a few minutes he'll come check on me.

When my door creeks open, I keep my eyes closed gently and make sure my breathing is steady as Velma perks up from underneath my blankets. I hear her jump off my bed and pad across the floor to where my dad stands.

I hear her meow and my dad says hi to her before he closes the door, putting my room back into the darkness of the night.

Seconds later, Velma is back on my bed, her butt in my face as she curls up to lay down. I watch the light in the hallway flick off before I push her away from my face.

"I love you, Velma, but I don't want your butt in my face," I explain.

She gives me a look, but curls up at the end of my bed, her eyes trained on my face.

I roll my eyes and look away. I can hear my dad begin to snore in the distance and I groan. Sleep just didn't seem like a possibility tonight.

After an hour of laying in the dark, I can feel myself beginning to drift off.

But suddenly, Velma hisses from her place on the bed and when I look down at her, her face is trained on the window. Her hair is standing up as she growls and hisses at the window. My heart begins to race as I grab Velma and pull her tightly to my chest as I look at the dark window from my spot on the bed.

I see a dark form perched on the branch closest to my window and I can feel the panic bubbling up inside of me just as the shape lifts a flashlight to their face, revealing the now completely green eyes of Edward Cullen.

I put a hand to my heart and listen intently, making sure that my dad is still snoring before I lock my door and walk over to the window.

I slide open the glass with ease and lean out the window.

"Are you fucking insane?" I whisper screech as he smirks at me.

"I'm beginning to think so. Now can you let me in before I fall off this tree and die?" he whispers back.

I roll my eyes and stand back, allowing him to gracefully swing into my room.

His landing, however, is not so graceful and he falls into me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he steadies himself.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" I ask as I inspect him.

He nods but doesn't let go of me. "Yeah, I'm fine," he whispers. His warm breathe washes on my face, and I briefly wonder how someone's breath can actually smell good.

We stand there for a long moment, his arms wrapped around me with our eyes locked, before he finally releases me with a squeeze. He doesn't let go of me completely however, choosing to keep my hand in his much larger one. He leads me over to the bed and sits down, pulling me along with him. I pull away, letting his hand drop to the bed before I speak.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as Velma curls up on my lap protectively. "You didn't drive did you?"

He shakes his head. "No, I walked. I definitely needed the walk," he says. He looks up at me with nervous green eyes. "I had a lot to think about."

I scratch Velma between the ears, suddenly extremely thankful for her presence. I need a way to keep my hands busy without looking to obvious.

"And what's that?" I ask quietly. "What did you have to think about?"

Edward leans back onto his elbows and looks at me. "You called me out on a lot of stuff tonight," he begins softly. "And now that I've had time to…calm down, I see that you were just trying to help. I'm not admitting that I'm addicted, because I'm not. But I do admit that cocaine is probably not the best answer. I've known that since the night with Alice.

"Ever since then, I've known that doing_ that_ isn't the answer," he continues. "Knowing that I could have stopped what was happening to Alice is what made me stop for a while, but coming back here and seeing her happy and just feeling so…miserable…I craved the high that only drugs could give me," he explains quietly.

I reach out and grab his hand again, causing Velma to glare at me before readjusting her position.

"I really wish you could just see it the way I do," I say. "I can see where you're coming from in a way. I know what it's like to be miserable and not having a way to get through it. But I would never turn to drugs because…well that doesn't make me any better than my mom," I explain as I look deeply into his eyes.

Edward smiles sadly. "But Bella, you're better than your mom. You're better than me. You're stronger than I've ever been," he admits.

I shake my head. "You are not weak. But the drugs will _make _you weak. My mom could have been strong and just talked about it with my father and figured out a better solution before walking out. But she was too far gone to think of anyone but herself.

"But you still care," I say with a smile. "You told me once that without your family, you would have been lost. You said that everything they do, they do because they love you. And I've seen how much you love them. You need to fight for that. My mother didn't fight for the ones that loved her. She was too weak, too selfish." I take a deep breath, refusing to let myself cry.

I haven't cried in years, and I sure as hell don't intend to start doing that now.

He looks at me seriously for a long moment before dropping his gaze. "You're right," he whispers. When he looks back up, his eyes are filled with determination. "I promise to fight. I'm not going to let the ones I love and care about view me the way you do your mother," he says heatedly.

I smile at him in pride, but before I can say anything, he begins speaking again.

"But Bella, you need to do something for me," he says seriously.

I look at him and raise an eyebrow. "What?"

Edward sighs and reaches out to pet Velma, who surprisingly doesn't try and bite him.

"I know you don't believe in love," he begins softly.

I nod. "It's like a fairy tale. It's fake. Love isn't real. Telling someone you love them is pretty much the biggest lie you can ever tell," I conclude.

He shakes his head. "Listen. If I'm going to try and be a better person for my family, for my friends…for you," he says with a shy smile. "Then you need to try to believe for me. People love you Bella. Your dad, Alice, my parents, and I'm sure that in her own way, your mother loves you.

"Just be open minded," he begs. "You never know what could come of it."

I just stare at him for a long time. I'm a stubborn person-getting me to change my mind is like getting a cat to enjoy being in water: not impossible, but really fucking hard.

But what he's going to do? That's harder. I've seen what it's like when someone goes through withdrawal. It's hard, harder than trying to believe in something you just don't believe in.

So with a sigh, I nod. "I'll try."

He smiles and kisses my forehead, causing me to blush.

"Thank you," he whispers.

I grab his hand again. "Thank _you_," I say and, for the first time in years, I feel a stirring in the pit of my stomach that is only fueled when he runs his thumb over my knuckles. I feel it again when I think of his warm lips on my forehead. The burn intensifies and, finally, I can place a word to it.

Attraction.

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><p><strong>Finally!<strong>

******I've literally been waiting to write this chapter since I started the story! **

**I hope you guys enjoyed it!**

******Please, please, pleaseeee review! The responses I've received have been awesome. A special thanks goes out to Darkward Darling for always coming through for me with a review and some words of encouragement! Thank you for being awesome! :)**

**Lots of love, **

**Emilia Elliot **


	17. Unexpected visitor

**Yet another exhausting chapter. I literally cannot wait to go to sleep.**

**A lot happens in this chapter. A lot more than I originally planned actually. **

**Please review and pardon any mistakes. I got on a roll and just want to get this chapter up asap.**

**Anywho, enjoy the chapter! :) **

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><p>Watching someone fight an addiction isn't an easy thing to do.<p>

Even though he still won't admit anything, Edward is clearly going through withdrawal and it's killing me and his entire family to watch it. His mood swings pretty much suck, even though he's doing a much better job trying to keep them in check. He goes from being happy and satisfied to angry to depressed within an hour. It's more exhausting for him than it is for us, but each night when I lay down to go to sleep, I'm immediately pulled under.

Edward, on the other hand, rarely sleeps. The deep purple circles under his eyes show that he hasn't been sleeping well, even though he denies it repeatedly. In the two weeks it has been since we had our talk in my bedroom, Alice suspects he's gotten about twenty hours of sleep. She says she can hear him wandering the house at all hours and, once in a while, she can hear the faint strains of his piano as he plays songs that sound fit for a funeral.

Basically, while it's hard for us to see him like this, it's got to be even harder for him to be like this and not be able to stop it.

It's pretty much a tradition now for me to come to the Cullen's house after school. Charlie has been working a lot of shifts at the police station lately, so when I go home, it's just me and Velma. And she can be really horrible company sometimes.

As I walk into the Cullen's house today, I'm surprised by everyone's attitudes. Carlisle and Esme, who normally welcome me so warmly barely give me a smile as they run around the house, dusting and sweeping.

Edward is nowhere to be seen, but Alice runs down the stairs with a panicked look on her face.

"Bella!" she exclaims as she grabs my hand. She pulls me quickly up the stairs behind her. "You have to come with me. We need to get ready!" Alice sounds as though she's about to burst into tears and I'm even more confused and worried.

"Ali, what is going on?" I ask as she pulls me into her room. She slams the door behind us and I jump. "Is Edward okay?" I ask, suddenly worried. I had seen them at school not even an hour ago. What could have happened since then?

Alice locks the door and looks at me seriously. "Did Edward ever mention someone named Tanya?"

I bite my lip. "A few times in passing, but he's never said anything important about her," I say. "Why?"

Alice sighs and sits down on the side of her bed. "She's…well, she's pretty much the one I blame for Edward's downfall. My parents do, too. The minute he did that film with her, he started acting different."

I feel my eyes get huge as I look at her. "OH! Tanya Denali!" I exclaim. "Duh. I should have figured that out earlier," I grumble as I think of the movie I had watched a few weeks ago, starring none other than Edward and Tanya

Alice nods. "Yeah, well she's the one who got Edward into drugs and drinking. He was still a good kid before he knew her. Yeah, he could act a little spoiled, but I could deal with that," she explains. "But then she comes in and convinces him that he's better than everyone else and introduces him to cocaine. Ever since then…" she shrugs sadly.

I nod and think back to when that movie was released almost a year ago. That's when I started to see magazines covered with pictures of a trashed looking Edward on the front.

"So what does she have to do with anything?" I ask.

Alice puts her face in her hands. "She's coming to stay the weekend with us," she says with a grumble.

I freeze and raise an eyebrow at her. "Why?" I ask.

Alice stands up and walks over to her closet and begins pulling things out as she answers. "I don't know. She says she 'misses Edward' and that she has 'like, so much time off.' She's just going to screw him up again!"

I shake my head and walk over to Alice. I place my hands on her shoulders and force her to face me. "Alice, take a deep breath. How does Edward feel about this?" I ask.

She shrugs. "I haven't seen him since we found out. He's in his room getting ready which is what we need to be doing!" she screeches as she pulls away and dives back into her closet.

"For what?" I ask as she tosses clothes in my waiting arms.

"Mom's planning a really nice dinner for the family and Tanya. She considers you apart of the family and honestly, I'd be so grateful if you stayed," she says as she holds a dress up to me.

I shrug. "Alice…I don't want to intrude on this. I mean, it may make Edward uncomfortable if I'm here while she is. I don't want to overstep my boundaries," I explain.

Alice hugs me close to her. "Please, Bella. I don't care what Edward says. I want you to be here for me. If there's anyone that can keep me calm during this, it's you," she says with a smile.

I raise an eyebrow. "I think Jasper could help as well," I say with a smirk.

Alice blushes immediately and I laugh. "Well…that's different…I mean, well…just-"

I laugh. "Alice, stop. It's fine. And I'll stay if you really want me to," I tell her with a grin.

She thanks me with a huge smile and then holds a dark blue dress out to me. "Then throw this on. I'll take care of your hair and makeup," she says to me with a large smile.

I take the dress from her hesitantly. "Why are we dressing up?" I ask.

She pulls out a purple dress for herself. "Publicity. We don't want Tanya to tell the paparazzi that she that we made her eat plainly at the dinner table without four courses," Alice practically sneers. "So we told her to dress up and be ready for a four-star meal."

I nod as I look at the dress in front of me. The material feels almost silky and I have to admit it's gorgeous. Alice slips off her clothing without warning and pulls the dress on quickly.

"Hurry up! We want to be ready when she arrives!" Alice says as she shoves me over to the corner. I quickly strip off my clothing and slip it on.

"Can you help me tie the straps?" I ask as I hold the front of my dress up.

Alice hums a yes and runs over, tying the straps around my neck quickly. She tells me to sit down on the bed and with expert hands, she fixes my hair quickly so it's half up in an elegant ponytail. She throws some curlers in my hair and, while she lets them do their job, she quickly fixes up her own hair and makeup.

She smiles at herself in satisfaction before she hurries over to me and takes out my curlers. The hair she releases spring into bouncy curls and, after all of them are out, she runs a brush through it gently, sprays the brush with hair spray, and runs it through my hair again.

After handing me her mascara and telling me to put some on, we're both ready to go downstairs. She unlocks her door and as we exit the room, I hear the click of a door at the other end of the hallway. I glance over to see a dashing looking Edward and I can't help but smile.

Damn it, he is so attractive.

He's not wearing anything over extravagant, just a light blue dress shirt and black dress pants with black shoes, but he looks like he's ready for the red carpet. I watch as his nimble fingers tighten his watch around his wrist and after he's satisfied, he looks up at me.

He just stares at me for a long moment before he smiles at me. He walks over and grabs my hand gently.

"You look beautiful," he says. He reaches up and brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear, causing me to blush.

I smile back at him. "You don't look too bad yourself," I say as I squeeze his hand. "How are you holding up?" I ask. I hear Alice's heels click down the stairs and realizing she's giving us a moment.

He shrugs. "I think it'll be good to see her," he says as he averts his eyes. "She was really important to me at one point in my life. I've kind of missed her."

I feel my stomach drop as he says that and I can't help but feel inferior all of a sudden. He has a right to miss her and no one has ever indicated that they were more than friends.

But that doesn't stop me from feeling as though I've been betrayed in some horrible way that I just don't understand.

The doorbell rings in the distance and I pull my hand away from his.

"We should get down there. Don't want to keep your guest waiting," I say softly.

I have to be supportive. I need to be strong for Edward and Alice.

I click down the stairs slowly and, after a long moment, I can hear Edward follow behind me. When I make it to the bottom of the stairs, I literally stop in my tracks at the sight in front of me.

Much to my dismay, Tanya Denali is even more beautiful in real life than she is on camera.

Her strawberry blonde hair rolls down in luscious waves to her waist, and her bangs fall into her eyes in a way that makes you notice how blue they are. Her skin is tan and flawless, and her figure is the perfect hourglass.

She's perfect.

I watch as Tanya leans forward and hugs Alice gently before her eyes trail back to me and Edward. Her eyes land on me just long enough to make me feel judged before they jump over to Edward and light up.

"Edward!" she squeals loudly.

He laughs his perfect laugh and walks forward, quickly enveloping her in a hug which she returns passionately.

My stomach turns again, but I remain standing quietly in the back.

After the hug gets uncomfortable for everyone else, Carlisle clears his throat.

"Tanya, this is our good friend Bella. The kids met her at school," he says with a gentle smile in my direction.

Tanya holds onto Edward's hand as she walks over to me with her hand extended. "Nice to meet you, Bella," she says in her bell of a voice.

I smile back. "Nice to meet you, too." I'm disgusted by my own voice for a moment before I realize how ridiculous I'm being.

"Oh Esme," she says as she turns around. She still has Edward's hand clasped tightly in hers. I can feel his eyes on me, but I choose to ignore him and focus on the conversations happening in front of me. "Something smells fantastic!"

Esme smiles and I'm surprised to see it looks a little strained. "It should be ready shortly," she says. "Why don't you guys go into the sitting room while Carlisle and I go and finish up?"

I watch as Tanya drags Edward into the Cullen's living room while I hang back for a moment.

"Are you coming, Bella?" Alice asks. Edward comes to a stop, dragging Tanya to one as well, as he awaits my answer.

"Yes. I just have to…call my dad. Let him know that I'm going to be here for dinner," I say with a shrug.

Alice smiles. "You can just spend the night," she tells me. "We have a lot to talk about." Her smile is almost evil as she turns away from me.

I stare after her, Edward, and Tanya as they make their way into the living room and, as soon as they are out of sight, I practically run to the bathroom.

I do text my father and tell him my plans for tonight and remind him to make sure Velma's food bowl is full.

Then I stare at myself for a long moment in the mirror.

_What is wrong with you, Bella? Get ahold of yourself!_ I think to myself. _You're confident. You're snarky. Don't let one bitch get to you._

But then I stop myself and think about it.

Why was she getting to me?

Edward has never said anything about them being..._together_. But the way she greeted him? And the hand holding? That has got to mean something more than he was letting on.

But why is that my business? Edward Cullen has the right to date anyone he wants. And if he wants to date Tanya, that is no one's business but his own!

Then why does the thought of them dating make me want to rip her hair out? Why does the thought of him being with anyone drive me completely insane? Why does the image of him tucking a piece of hair behind Tanya's ear make my stomach clench up painfully?

I know that I'm attracted to him. I mean, I've always found him attractive, but after that night in my room…well I found myself attracted to more than just his looks. I like it when he smiles and when he laughs. I like it when he casually puts his arm over the back of the chair I'm sitting in until it slips down over my shoulder. I like it when he holds my hand.

"_Mom?" I asked her as she stood in my kitchen preparing dinner for my father and I. "I have a question."_

"_Yes honey?" She started to stir the noodles and my seven year old mind celebrated in the fact that we were having 'sghetti for dinner._

"_How did you know that you wanted to marry daddy?" I asked._

_My mom laughed. "Why would you want to know a silly thing like that?" She asked as she ruffled my hair. _

_I shrugged and blushed. "Because I think I want to marry a boy in my class," I admitted. "He's real cute."_

_My mom laughed again and crouched down in front of me. "Only grownups are allowed to get married, sweetheart. But I knew I wanted to marry your daddy…when I knew that going a day without seeing him would be worse than…" she trailed off and looked around the room. "Going a day without seeing him would be worse than never eating spaghetti again."_

_She laughed at me as my eyed widened. "Wow!" I yelled. "I don't think I could ever like anyone that much!" _

_My mother smiled gently. "Well you won't just like them, baby girl. You'll love him. And when you love that special guy, you'll know." _

I shake my head and come back to the present. That all happened before my mother left, before I became cynical about all things romantic.

But as I stand here, staring at my mother's eyes, I start to realize that maybe, just maybe, I've been wrong all along.

And while I'm far away from ever admitting that I _love_ anyone, I can admit that I _like_ Edward.

And being in _like_ is the scariest feeling I've ever experienced.

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><p><strong>So there's that.<strong>

**I hope you guys liked it! I promise that Tanya will not be around for long. She'll do her damage and then get the fuck out. And there will be more Velma love in the next chapter. **

**So review and stay tuned for another chapter! If I get enough reviews, I'll update tomorrow!**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	18. How quaint

**Hello my lovelies!**

**I am very excited about this chapter! I won't bore you with a long author's note, but, as usual, review! **

**Anywho, let's get down to business! **

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><p>As we sat down for dinner, everyone besides Edward and Tanya look uncomfortable. Alice and I sit next to each other with Edward and Tanya across from us while Carlisle and Esme sit at the heads of the table, doing their best to keep the conversation flowing.<p>

Tanya, who sits across from Alice, makes their job easy because she blabs about each and every detail of her latest movies. I poke at my peas as I listen.

"Oh Edward," she says as she turns a bright smile on him. "I just wish you could be playing the male lead. I mean, Jacob is good, but we don't have the chemistry that you and I have."

Edward smiles back and spears a piece of chicken. "There will be more movies, Tan. I promise," he says sweetly.

I raise an eyebrow. _Tan_? It has a nickname for her? What, does he call her pookie in private?

…_ugh, get ahold of yourself, Bella. _

"So Bella," Tanya says, and my palms begin to sweat. "Tell me about yourself. I already know scads about the Cullen's, but I know nothing about you," she smiles sweetly.

I shrug. "There's not much to know," I begin quietly. "I mean, I've lived here my whole life."

She giggles. "How quaint. What do your parents do for a living in such a small town?" she arches a perfect brow at me.

I sigh to myself. "My father is the police chief," I answer. "He has been since before I was born."

Tanya smiles a condescending grin. "Oh that's just adorable! What does your mom do? Oh, is she a school teacher? That would be just perfect!" she exclaims.

I see Alice tense up next to me and Edward has the decency to look guilty.

"I don't know," I answer.

That stops Tanya for a long moment before she takes a sip of her water.

"Oh!" she exclaims. "So does she like, work for the government? Are you not allowed to go?"

I sip my coke and suppress the need to roll my eyes. "No," I say. "I just don't know. My mom left my dad and me a few years ago," I admit.

Tanya's mouth drops into a perfect "o." "Well isn't that just perfectly tragic!"

"Oh yes, just perfectly tragic," I say sarcastically.

She ignores me and takes a bit of her salad. "Well listen, Bella," she says after she swallows. "I know that being a police chief in such a small town cannot pay much so college is probably out of the question for a few years. But I could get you a job backstage on one of my summer movies to help you save-"

"Excuse me, Tanya, but I am _not_ a charity case. I can afford college and I refuse to be your lackey," I say as politely as possible.

She smiles at me in satisfaction. "Suit yourself."

Esme controls the conversation after that and, thankfully, she makes sure it stays away from me.

I skip out on dessert, choosing instead to lie on Alice's bed until Tanya leaves. I'd stripped my dress off and put on my jeans and my shirt from earlier.

After about 20 minutes of sitting by myself, I decide to sneak outside to my tuck. My backpack has my favorite book, Wuthering Heights, inside of it and suddenly, I want nothing more than to loose myself in a book.

When I'm convinced that everyone is in the living room, I sneak out the front door and, once I'm outside, I sprint to the cab of my truck, slip inside, and shut the door behind me.

I reach down to grab my backpack off the floor when I suddenly see the front door open just as an expensive looking car pulls up the long driveway.

Edward and Tanya walk outside and I duck down so that I can't be seen.

I hold by breath and listen as carefully as I can.

"Did you want to go for a ride?" I hear Tanya ask.

There's a long moment of silence before I hear Edward say "No, I probably shouldn't."

Please? I have some…_stuff_ in my purse," she says in a suggestive voice.

"Shit, Tanya! You can't bring that into my house! What if my parents saw that? Or Alice? Or…" he trails off and my heart beats faster.

"Or Bella?" Tanya says. I hear the bitterness in her voice.

Edward groans loudly. "Drop it Tanya! Just go. I'll see you over the summer."

Tanya is quiet for a long moment before she speaks. "Goodbye, babe."

I peek over the dashboard and gasp to myself before I disappear again. The image of Edward and Tanya wrapped in each other's arms with their lips locked together is burned behind my eyelids and I find I can't breathe for a log moment.

As soon as I hear the car drive away, I peak over the edge and see Edward standing on the porch smoking a cigarette. He leans against the white post and runs his free hand through his hair.

I decide that there is no point hiding so I open my car, hoist my backpack onto my shoulder, and slam the truck shut.

I enjoy the way Edward jumps, dropping his cigarette, before he turns to look at me.

"How long have you been there?" he asks angrily.

I shrug. "Long enough."

He stomps on the cigarette and glares at me. "Didn't your parents ever teach you that it's rude to eavesdrop?" he seethes.

I shrug. "The only thing my mother ever taught me was how to stick a needle in my arm, and my dad is never around. You do the math," I throw back at him as I clomp up the stairs.

His glare begins to soften as he looks at me. "You changed out of your dress," he says randomly.

I roll my eyes. "I didn't really feel like pretending anymore. I hate dresses. I only did it tonight because Alice begged me. But next time she comes," I say as I cross my arms over my chest, "I'm leaving."

He nods. "I'm sorry about dinner. Tanya doesn't really have a filter," he says with a grimace.

I scoff. "Or boundaries," I mumble.

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Is someone jealous?" he asks with an amused grin.

I shove him a little too hard. "What the fuck, Edward? She's the one who got you into drugs, wasn't she?" I demand. "I was there. I heard everything she said! And yet you let her into your life?"

He rolls his eyes. "Bella, you _know_ that I haven't touched any cocaine in weeks. And since you heard everything, then you heard me tell her no. So what's the problem?" he demands as he steps closer to me.

I groan and throw my backpack down. "The fact that you're with her!" I exclaim. "She's not good for you, Edward! Think about it! She's the one who got you into drugs in the first place. So what's to stop her from doing that again?"

He lets out a scoff. "What? Do you not trust me? Don't think I'm strong enough to resist the temptation?" he asks. "Well guess what, Bella. I've been resisting temptation since I arrived in this stupid fucking town."

I take another step towards him and find myself resisting the urge to slap him. "She's bad news, Edward. She's the kind of girl who will lure you into doing bad things. Someone like that is going to end up killing you," I yell. "You need someone who's balanced and knows what she's doing. Someone that can handle your stupid fucking mood swings and your addiction, even though you refuse to admit it! Someone that will support you, not try to encourage you to get back on drugs. You need someone like…" I trail off, catching myself before I said something really stupid.

Edward takes another slow step towards me. "Someone like who, Bella?"

I kick my foot into the ground, not sure of what to say. "Just…someone better than Tanya," I whisper.

"Someone like you?" he asks softly.

I look down at the ground and allow my hair to cover my face. It doesn't work as well as it did when I had long hair.

I feel his finger touch the underside of my chin as he tilts my face up. When my eyes meet his, I gasp quietly, surprised by the intensity I see in his.

"I'm not with Tanya, Bella. We haven't been together for quite some time now," he admits. His eyes are focused on my lips.

"Oh," I whisper. That's the only thing I can think of to say due to the fact that I literally cannot look away from his eyes. He has invaded me completely. His scent is heavy in my nose. I can feel the heat of his body radiating against mine. All I can hear is his deep breathing, and all I can see are his perfect lips and his green eyes.

"Bella," he whispers softly before he presses his lips gently against mine.

And then, I'm on fire.

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><p><strong>So? What did you all think!<strong>

**Tanya will only do one more bitchy thing before the story is over, so don't be _too _worried about her.**

**Please please review! It's really discouraging not to get any feedback, and I love hearing from you guys :) **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	19. Like one of your french girls

**'Ello loves!**

**Here's another chapter for everyone! I won't bore you with a long authors note, so let's just dive right in! :) **

**Enjoy! **

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><p>Every nerve ending in my body is alive and buzzing as Edward gently kisses me. His arms wrap around my waist as mine creep up around his neck. I allow my fingers to gently tail through the hair on the back of his head and, in response, he kisses me a bit harder and all of my thoughts fly out the window.<p>

I know this can't last forever, even though I want it to. Either way, I'm disappointed when he pulls back with a smile on his face. He reaches out and strokes my cheek gently with the back of his hand.

"I've wanted to do that since I got here," he admits with a sheepish smile.

I don't know what to say back because he knows how I felt about him when he first got here. It's like he realizes that because he smirks slightly before leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to my lips.

"Come on," he says as he grabs my hand. "Let's go inside and watch a movie."

I nod and follow behind him as he leads me into the house. Alice, who is now in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, smiles at us when she sees our intertwined hands.

"What are you two up to?" she asks as she follows behind us.

"Watching a movie. Want to join?" Edward asks as we turn the corner into the living room.

She smiles. "Sure. What movie do you want to watch?"

After much debate, and whining on Alice's side, Edward finally agrees to watch Titanic. I even have to admit that I was on Alice's side-it's one of my favorite movies and I'm guilty of watching it every time it's on TV.

Edward and I sit on the love seat while Alice sprawls out on the couch with her head resting on a pillow. She tosses a blanket over at Edward and I and while he adjusts it over us, she winks at me with a grin.

I ignore her and focus on the TV.

Edward, however, has other plans.

His hand slips into mine under the blanket and he begins to gently run his thumb back and forth over my knuckles. I glance at him from the corner of my eye, but all of his focus seems to be on the TV in front of us.

Too bad I can't focus on anything but the feel of his hand in mine and the way they fit together perfectly.

He releases my hand moments later only to wrap his arm around my shoulder. I find myself curling into him as though it's the most natural thing in the world and, instead of watching Jack and Rose fall in love on screen, I begin to overthink everything.

What's new?

But Edward wasn't supposed to love a girl like me. He was supposed to love a girl like Tanya, someone that was famous…and someone I had just talked him out of loving.

I don't even understand myself.

And who ever said anything about love? Edward could _not_ fall in love with someone like me? Right?

And if I use the phrase "someone like" one more time, people are going to start thinking I'm Adele.

Now I'm just annoying myself.

Edward's fingers start to gently message my shoulder and I realize he can probably feel how tense I am. I take a deep breath and tell myself to relax and focus on the movie in front of me. I look at the screen just in time to see Kate Winslet step out of her car and, as usual, I wish I was born during that time just so I could wear hats like that.

I allow myself to lean into Edward and I try to subtly breathe in his scent. He smells so good and so comforting that I can't help but to relax completely into his arms.

By the time the ship starts to actually sink, my eyelids feel extremely heavy. The last thing I remember is Rose saying "I won't let go" to frozen Jack before she does, in fact, let him go.

When I wake up the next morning, I'm still curled up on the couch next to Edward on the couch. Someone had thrown a comforter over us as we slept-Alice, I assume. The sun is lightly streaming through the window and I decide to stay where I am for just a little while longer.

I don't know how long _this_ is going to last, so I decide to enjoy as much as I can.

Not like I'd have a choice. Edward has his arms wrapped tightly around me from the behind me, and our legs are so intertwined together that I wouldn't be able to get up, even if I wanted to.

So I pull the comforter farther up my body as I feel him tighten his grip around me and, in moments, I'm back asleep, dreaming of his vibrant green eyes and his strong arms.

~O~

The rest of the weekend goes by quickly. I only see Edward once more, when I come over with Jasper on Sunday for dinner, and he greets me with a tentative kiss on the cheek when I arrive. After that, he casually holds my hand under the table as we eat, and kisses me on the forehead before I leave.

When I walk into school Monday morning, I wonder if he'll be any different. Will he sit with me during lunch, or will he sit with Lauren and her friends like he normally does? Will he hold my hand at school as casually as he does when it's just us and his family? Am I only good enough for him when people aren't around?

This was entirely new territory for me, so I don't know how to react. Should I approach him when we get to school? Or should I wait for him to come and talk to me?

I was beginning to freak myself out.

But when I finally walk into school, I don't see Edward anywhere. As I walk to my locker, I can't help but notice the people around me staring intently at me, some of them even snickering as I pass. I try not to pay attention to them, but by the time I get to my locker, I'm so annoyed that I'm in an even worse mood than I was ten minutes ago.

When Jasper walks in, he walks straight over to me, shoving Mike out of the way-he had just been standing there laughing at me.

Jasper takes one look at me and frowns. "I'm guessing you know," he says softly as he pulls a magazine out from behind his back.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Know what?" I demand as I slam my locker shut.

His eyes darken as he stares at me. "Bella, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this," he says softly.

"Tell me what? Holy shit, I'm getting tired of this. Everyone is treating me weirder than normal in this hell hole and I've only been here ten minutes. What is going on?" I yell as I grab the magazine out of his hand.

I freeze as soon as I see the cover.

There's a picture of Edward and Tanya taking up most of the cover. But there are two smaller boxes below Edward and Tanya. One box has a picture of the Cullen family, including Alice, who had tried so hard to remain separate from the Cullen name since she got here.

The other box was a picture of me that had been taken from a yearbook. My hair was still long, but it was clearly me.

The caption: _Cullen family helping Forks one disadvantaged child at a time!_

And in my head, I could practically hear Tanya's voice calling me a charity case.

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><p><strong>Mhmm, Tanya is a bitch.<strong>

**I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! _Please_ review. Thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far. Each and everyone means so much to me and really encourages me to keep writing! The more reviews, the more reviews, the faster the updates!**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	20. Wrong number?

__**Hello my lovelies! **

**The response to the last chapter was AMAZING. I love you all so much for reading and reviewing. It means so much to me :)**

**This chapter isn't that long, but I promise to update asap.**

**OH and the last chapter was dedicated to anyone who was involved with the Titanic. It's hard to believe that it's been 100 years since it sunk. As I watch the movie Titanic right now, I'm literally holding back sobs (this movie kills me every time). _ Never_ forget the tragedy that was the Titanic.**

**Anywho, on with the chapter!**

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><p><em>Heartthrob Edward Cullen may have disappeared from Hollywood but, while he may not have been acting, he has been rather busy!<em>

_Tanya Denali, Cullen's rumored romantic interest, recently visited Edward in the small town of Forks, Washington._

"_It was so scenic and lovely," Denali said. "And as usual, the Cullen's are doing everything they can to help the small community."_

_Cullen's father has been warmly welcomed at the local hospital, while his mother has continued to dabble in interior design. _

_But the Cullen's, as usual, have gone above in beyond in their charity work. _

"_They've taken in a girl who they have all become smitten with," Denali said. "Alice met her at school and brought her home for dinner and the rest is history! Bella Swan is a lovely girl who just isn't as blessed as some are."_

_When asked about Swan's home life, Denali said "It's not my place to say much. All I would feel comfortable saying is that her mother left her a few years back…I can't even imagine what it would be like to be unwanted by your own mother."_

_When asked for his comment, Cullen said "She's nice and has her feet solidly planted on the ground. She's been good for all of us and has taught us a lot."_

"_They've been so good to her!" Denali said. "It's easy to see how much she's changed since they got a hold of her. And Edward's darling sister, Alice, just can't get enough. She dressed her up all nice when I came over. She even let her borrow one of the dresses Alice had worn to a premier last year. It's just heartwarming to see."_

"_We all care about her. I'll be sad to see her go when we head back to LA," Edward said._

_The question all of our eager fans want to know? Is Bella going to end up being more to Edward then just charity?_

_Denali laughed loudly. "Goodness no. They're just friends! Edward said so himself. And Bella is a quaint girl who wants nothing more than that and with Edward returning to LA over the summer, who knows what will happen to the friendship. Plus," she said with sly smile. "We all know Edward's interests lay somewhere else." _

_Denali ended the interview saying she hopes to help Bella in the future as much as possible. _

"_I offered her a job working backstage at one of my movies over the summer, but she seemed a bit reluctant-she's a stubborn one, but I think she'll come around."_

The article went on to talk about my father for a brief moment before the writer changed directions completely and wrote about what movies both Edward and Tanya would be appearing in as soon as Edward returned to Hollywood.

I hand Jasper back the magazine without a word before I hike my backpack up higher on my shoulders. I can't allow my mind to process everything I just read. I know that if I do, I won't be able to handle my thoughts, my feelings.

So I do what I'm best at. I shrug it off like it means absolutely nothing.

"Bella," Jasper says softly. "Are you okay?"

I look into the gray eyes of my best friend, the one who knows me better than anyone else, and for the first time ever, I lie.

"Yeah. It's stupid, really. I know that…we'll never go anywhere. It's just…" I trail off as I see Edward and Alice enter the school. Their eyes find me immediately. Both of them try to act casual, but I can read the panic in their eyes despite how much they try to hide it.

"Good morning, Bella," Alice says tentatively.

I force out a smile. "Hey guys," I say. "How's it going?"

Edward doesn't say anything; he stares at me with an emotion in his eyes I cannot comprehend.

Jasper stares at me, keeping the magazine tucked behind his back.

"How has your morning been?" Alice asks. I can tell that she's trying to figure out what I know, if I've seen the magazine, so I refuse to say anything.

I shrug. "It's been okay," I say with another smile. "Not really feeling well today." I'm being completely honest-I feel like someone has punched me in the gut repeatedly.

I look up at Edward. _I'll be sad to see her go when we head back to LA._

The bell rings, making me jump, so I start to back away.

"I'll see you guys at lunch," I say before I speed away. I hear Edward shout after me, but I ignore him as I walk as fast as I can.

"Hey, Bella," I hear someone sneer as I pass them.

I turn to see Lauren standing there, her hands on her hips with her chest popped out.

"Not in the mood today, Lauren," I mumble as I start to walk again.

She laughs. "I should have known that was why Edward was hanging around you so much. Because to him, you're just a fucking charity case." I can hear the smile in her voice as she speaks, the satisfaction, and I take off towards the front door of the school.

I don't stop moving until I'm safely in my truck, far away from everything. Far away from Edward.

My phone starts to ring as I wait for the heat to turn on, and I answer it quickly, already knowing that it would be Jasper.

"I just need some time alone, okay? I'm fine," I promise him as I place my free hand in front of the heater.

"Bella?"

It's not Jasper.

It's my mother.

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><p><strong>Oh snap.<strong>

**Well shit just got real. I promise to update sometime later today. And Velma will also bring her adorableness to the next chapter. In all honestly, I miss her :)**

**Review! :)**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	21. Velma my love

**Hello my lovely readers!**

**Here is another chapter filled with Edward, Velma, and a love sick Bella. **

**Please enjoy the chapter and review :) **

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><p>"Mom?" I manage to choke out.<p>

"Bella! I can't believe you finally answered! I was beginning to think you'd never answer," she says excitedly.

I don't say anything. Instead, I allow her to babble on about how much she has missed me and how good it is to hear my voice, and how thankful she was that I answered.

Finally I cut her off. "Mom, this really isn't a good time," I say loudly.

I hear a sigh of disappointment. "Well when is a good time, Bella? You can't avoid me forever. I am your mother," she says sternly.

I bark out a laugh. "Being my mother didn't stop you from leaving," I retort. "Calling me and texting me every five minutes is not the way to fix anything. Just leave me alone." I snap before I hang up the phone.

I toss the phone onto the passenger's seat before I crank up the volume on my radio, allowing the sounds of Adele to sooth the guilt.

~O~

When I arrive home, I throw my backpack on the floor in front of the door before I walk into the living room. I lay down on the couch with my face buried in a pillow. I take a deep breath and attempt to swallow the lump of emotion I can feel in my throat. My phone vibrates in my pocket but I ignore it, knowing that no matter who it is, I don't want to talk to them.

"Meow."

I turn my head to see Velma sitting on the floor next to me, staring at me with her big yellow eyes. She meows again, almost as if asking me a question.

"I wish I was a cat," I tell her. "Life would be so much easier."

She meows again before she curls up on the ground next to me. She closes her eyes and, almost immediately, she is asleep.

"I mean honestly," I say loudly, causing her eyes to open again. "You just sit around all day, eat, drink water, and then go to sleep. That's all I want to do."

She stares at me for another long moment, gives a grunt, and then closes her eyes again with an exaggerated sigh.

I look up at the ceiling and groan to myself. This is why I don't believe in love. This is why I don't believe in romance or dating. Because the _first_ time I let myself feel something for someone, I get hurt. I don't kiss people that I am _just friends_ with. And yet, Edward says that we will never be anything more than friends.

Once that they go back to LA this summer, I'll just be another memory, another charity case.

Just another girl that Edward messed up.

I roll of the couch and onto the floor, landing with my face in Velma's stomach. She growls, but doesn't move away, so I don't bother to move.

"Velma," I sigh. "You are the only person I can honestly count on anymore," I say into the fur of her stomach.

She meows. I ignore her.

After a few minutes, I hear the door unlock and the familiar sound of Charlie's loud footsteps as he walks inside the house.

There's a long moment of silence as he passes the living room.

"Uhm, Bella?" he asks. "What are you doing?"

"Cuddling with my one true love," I say as I lift my head up. I grab Velma in my arms and crane my neck around. "Dad, I'm marrying Velma. I'd appreciate it if you gave me away."

My dad just stares at me for a long moment before he coughs. "Bells, you can't marry a cat," he says seriously.

I sigh. "Watch me," I declare before I shove my face back into Velma's stomach.

"Why aren't you in school?" he asks.

I shrug. "I don't feel well," I say simply. "So I came home early."

I hear Charlie start to walk towards the kitchen. "Okay. If you need anything, let me know."

A few moments later, there is a loud knock on the door. I grab Velma and stand up before peeking out of the window.

A silver Volvo is parked right behind my truck. Shit.

"Dad!" I whisper scream. "I'm not home. I…went for a walk!" Charlie walks out of the kitchen with a sandwich in his hand and a confused look on his face.

"Why?" he asks.

I run up the stairs and don't give him an answer. I shut the door to my room and curl up on my bed with Velma in my arms. I hear the low sound of male voices downstairs, but cannot make out anything they're saying. I wait until I hear the sound of the door shutting and a car pull away from the house before I breathe a sigh of relief.

The door to my room creeks open.

"Is he gone?" I ask.

"If by 'he' you mean me," Edward responds, "then no. But your father is. He got called into the station."

I nearly fall off of my bed in surprise.

"Edward!" I squeal as Velma takes off towards him.

She rubs his legs and I glare at her.

_You're supposed to be on my side, traitor._ I think at her.

She lowers her head and heads back to me. I suppress a smile.

"Why did you leave?" Edward asks.

Any joy I felt at Velma's cuteness is gone as I look back at Edward and his sad green eyes. I shrug instead of answering and pull Velma back into my arms as he crosses the room. Edward sits down on the edge of my bed and pets Velma gently behind her ears. She looks at me in apology before she begins to purr loudly. I roll my eyes.

"You read the article, didn't you?" he asks.

I look at him for a long time. "So when do you plan to actually go back to LA?" I question.

He groans. "Bella, please tell me you didn't believe any of that?" he asks loudly as he stands up. He begins to pace the room and Velma follows him with her eyes.

"Is there any reason why I shouldn't?" I ask. "I mean, you kiss me and act like you actually like me, but at the same time, you and Tanya looked pretty damn cozy at your house."

He rolls his eyes. "Bella, we're friends! That's it. No more!" he exclaims. "I wish you would just get that through your thick stubborn skull!"

I stand up and cross my arms in front of my chest. "I normally don't kiss my 'friends,' but whatever you say, Edward," I say with a sad smile.

"You and Jasper act pretty cozy together all the time, Bella. Don't be a hypocrite," he says in defense.

I bark out a laugh. "Please! The thought of kissing Jasper literally makes me want to vomit! He's like my brother! And he's pretty much dating your sister, so that's not even going to work."

He sighs and sits in the rocking chair I have across the room from when I was a baby. "I don't know what you want me to say," he says. "I didn't have anything to do with that article."

I look at him with doubt in my eyes. "Edward, the quoted you. You must have had some clue that they were writing _something_," I insist. "You must have known she was planning something. She wants you, Edward. This is her way of trying to get you," I say, and I'm surprised by how jealous I am of her.

He shakes his head. "I don't care about Tanya that way anymore. Maybe I did once, but then again yes, I was high all the time!" he exclaims. "But Bella, you can't shut me out because of a stupid article. I may have said those things, but I didn't know the article was going present you as some sort of charity project! My family and I have never seen you that. If _anyone_ is the charity project here, it's me! You've changed me, Bella.

"You can't just write me off," he says, softer now. "I'm not your mother, Bella. I won't stay away just because you won't answer the phone."

My heart clenches at the mention of my mother, but I push through. "You're not a charity project, Edward. Not to me," I whisper quietly.

"Bella," he whispers as he walks over to me. He kneels down in front of me and places his hands on my knees. "I need to admit something," he says. "And this is really hard for me, so just let me get this out."

I nod and wait for him to continue.

"I'm addicted to cocaine," he whispers. "I've known it all along but I refused to admit that I was that weak." He sounds so broken, so helpless, that I don't know what to do.

"I realized it when Tanya left," he continues. "She offered me coke and every fiber of my being wanted to take her up on her offer and go get high. I almost did. If you hadn't of walked out of your truck when you did, I probably would have," he admits.

He closes his eyes and hangs his head in shame. I reach forward and take his head between my hands and pull it up.

"Edward, I'm proud of you. Admitting it is the first step. It'll be hard, but I have faith in you," I promise him. "And I'll be here for you." I want to add "until you leave" but I decide against it.

He looks up and smiles a sad smile. "I'm sorry about everything, Bella. Please believe me, had I known she was going to say that stuff, I never would have gone along with it."

I nod. "You have to understand though, Edward. I have trust issues. As in I trust no one. Well, besides Velma," I say with a nod at my cat. "I started to trust you though. I started to think that maybe…" I trail off, afraid to finish my sentence.

_I started to think that maybe love is possible._

He grabs my hands gently in his and looks at me with soft eyes.

"Bella, have you maybe thought that it would help if you talked to your mom?" he wonders with a shrug. "It couldn't hurt."

I look at him for a long moment before I speak. "I have talked to her," I say. "Today, she called me. I answered on accident…needless to say, it didn't go well. I hung up on her." I curl my legs under me and pull Edward up on the bed next to me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," he says.

I look at him. "There's no way you could have known," I say with a shrug.

Edward and I readjust ourselves on my bed. We lean against the headboard, our shoulders touching and our hands only intertwined at the pinkies.

It's a long time before either of us speaks. Velma curls up at my feet as I stare blankly at the wall in front of me, my mind working nonstop to work through everything I'm thinking and feeling.

"You know what the worst thing is?" I say quietly as I continue to stare at the wall. "Hearing her voice made me feel like a kid again. I just…hearing her talk to me, hearing her say my name brought me back to when my mother was my world. I've never allowed myself to miss her, but I can't just ignore it anymore.

"I wish I could go back to a time when she was my mommy, not the woman who left me to do drugs," I say, trying to work around the lump in my throat. "I just…I've never felt more longing in my life. And it hurts so bad," I whimper.

And for the first time in years, I allow myself to cry, and the only thing holding me together is Edward's arms wrapped tightly around me.

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><p><strong>Bella and Velma-OTP. Enough said!<strong>

**Please review and tell me what you think :) Thank you so much for reading!**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	22. Dinner for two

**Hello all.**

**I apologize for how long its been since I updated. I've had a lot of family issues that have been keeping me extremely busy. I'll try to update more. **

**But enjoy this chapter and, in apology for my absence, I'll be releasing a one shot soon.**

**Anywho, here it is.**

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><p>I have no idea how long I cry. When I finally lift my head from his chest, it's getting dark outside, but I can't tell if it's late or just cloudy. The only sounds in the room are my sniffles and an occasional purr from Velma. Edward doesn't say much, which I'm thankful for. Besides an occasional "shhh" and "it's okay," he stays silent and allows me to have my much needed moment of weakness.<p>

I hate showing weakness, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

When I glance at the clock, I notice that's it's already almost 3:45. I know that I should get up and do something productive, maybe do some cleaning or homework. But Edward's arms are too comfortable, and his embrace is too inviting. So I allow myself a few more minutes of solace in his arms before I have to face my life.

Sadly, Velma has other plans. She slowly creeps up to me and Edward and paws gently at my face. I wave her away with my hand, but she thinks I'm playing and begins to bat at my fingers. I roll my eyes and, after a deep sigh, I lift my head off of Edward's chest and look at him.

"I'm sorry about that," I say. My voice is raspy, so I gently clear my throat.

Edward smiles at me and smoothes my hair back so it's no longer dangling in my face. "Don't apologize. I'm glad I could be here for you."

I smile at him and sit up slowly and he follows suit. Velma jumps onto my lap the instant I'm up straight and I rub her ears gently. She purrs loudly.

"So, do you have any plans tonight?" I ask Edward as I gently push Velma off of me.

Edward scratches his head dramatically in thought. "Well I did have an evening of self loathing and homework ahead of me, but I can always reschedule," he says with a playful gleam in his eyes.

I roll my eyes. "Smart ass. Would you like to stay for dinner? I can make us a mean pasta," I tell him with a grin.

Edward nods enthusiastically. "With alfredo sauce?"

I nod. "Sure. Come on," I say as I push Velma off of me. Edward moves off the bed and offers me his hand which I take without hesitation.

We head downstairs and make our way into the kitchen with Velma on our tails. She curls up in the corner of the kitchen on a pile of dirty laundry while I head to the stove and turn it on. Edward stays close as I rummage around the kitchen, getting out the ingredients that I need to make my alfredo sauce. I through the noodles into the boiling water and begin to stir the sauce. Thankfully, my dad and I had chicken a few nights before so I added that to the sauce as well.

Edward comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head gently on my shoulder. I sigh with satisfaction as I relax into him.

Why am I so resistant to this? I love the way it feels when his arms are wrapped around me, but it terrifies me at the same time. Love can't be real. If it was, why was my dad miserable? Why did my mom leave us? Why did she find a bunch of drugs to be more important than me?

I think back to how amazing it felt to hear her voice on the phone. I hate myself for how excited I was to hear it. But as I stand here now with this amazing guy, I realize that I have to talk to her. If I don't, I'll never be able to let it go.

Edward and I enjoy a lovely dinner together. He hums with delight after every bite of the pasta and compliments my cooking constantly. Velma meows in delight when I toss a piece of chicken on the ground.

And for this moment, everything is perfect.

When Edward leaves, I spend almost twenty minutes pacing back and forth in the living room in front of the couch with my cell phone in my hand. I open it up several times and begin to dial the number I have committed to memory, but I chicken out and hang it up every time.

When my cell phone buzzes in my hand signaling a text message, I open it up quickly, glad for the distraction. It's a message from Edward.

_Tonight was wonderful. Thank you :)_

I smile and begin to text back but before I can, my phone buzzes with another message.

_Oh. And call your mother back, Bella. It's time to get your answers. _

I close the phone in surprise and blink. How did he know that was what I was doing?

_You know me too well._

And before I can think about it too much, I dial my mother's number and hold my breath as I wait for her to pick up.

"Bella?"

I'm quiet for a long moment before I finally speak.

"Hi, mom."

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><p><strong>REVIEW!<strong>

**Lots of love**

**Emilia Elliot **


	23. Stupid Paparazzi

**Hi.**

**I'm the worst person ever, I know. For those of you who actually come back to read this, bless your patient souls. I have a lot of free time as of late, so I'm going to try and update more. **

**No one edited it, so please excuse any and all errors. **

**Enjoy the chapter :) **

* * *

><p>My heart thumps loudly in my chest as my mom and I talk. The conversations proves to be primarily one sided; she talks on and on about a man named Phil and how happy they are together. She says that he does construction and that the two have a small house on the outskirts of town. She asks me a few questions here and there, but mainly talks about herself and her life.<p>

Eventually, the conversation winds down, and she asks the question I've been dreading to deal with.

"I'd love to see you."

Every bone in my body is urging me to say no and tell her to leave me alone, but a small voice in the back of my mind tells me I have to do it. I need to see her, to prove to myself that even though she was just as bad as Edward, she could get better.

"Sure. When?"

We agree on meeting next week in Seattle. She says she is bringing Phil with her, so I tell her I am going to bring my special someone.

First I have to ask him.

I dial his number, and he picks up on the second ring.

"Miss me already?" he asks.

I roll my eyes, but there's a huge smile on my face.

"Oh yes, my heart is breaking from your absence," I say with a laugh. "But I actually need to ask a favor of you…" I trail off, picking at the fuzz on my blanket.

"Anything, babe. What's up?"

I sigh and flop back on my bed. "Well I called my mom," I begin quietly, nervous for some reason.

"Good for you, Bella. I'm proud of you," he says, and I can hear the admiration in his voice.

"I agreed to see her," I say with a sigh. "Next week, we're going to meet in Seattle, and I'm terrified about it. But I know something that would help me."

"What's that?" he asks, sounding extremely hesitant.

"Will you come with me?"

I can't help my surprise when there's a long pause, as he seems to consider my question. I expected him to jump at the opportunity to help me out, seeing as he is the one who ragged on me to get ahold of her. But after a full minute of silence, my stomach starts turning.

"I mean…if you don't want to, you don't have to. I could just really use you there," I begin to ramble. "I'm really worried about seeing her and I don't know what she's going to say or even what she's going to look like, and I would really…."

"It's not that I don't want to go, Bella," he finally says quietly. "I just have to check with my agent to make sure that it would be safe for me to head into the city that day. This day is going to be hard enough for you and I don't want to screw it up by having a bunch of paparazzi up my ass."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "I understand. Just, you know…let me know. I'd be really great to have you there, paparazzi or not."

"I'll call my agent in the morning and try to figure something out," he promises.

For some reason, I didn't believe him.

I tell my dad about the phone call the next morning, and he surprises me with how supportive he is. Even though it would have been awkward as all get out, he even offered to go with me until I told him the date; he had to work that night, as usual, but it was the thought that counted.

"I really don't want you to go alone, though," he says. "Why don't you ask Jasper, or that Cullen boy?"

Ever since he heard "through the rumor mill" that Edward and I were dating, he'd taken to calling Edward "that Cullen Boy."

"I asked Edward," I say. "But he's not sure if he can go."

My dad looks at me funny. "Why the hell not?"

"Uhm…something about not wanting to make it worse by having paparazzi follow him around."

My dad grunts loudly. "Well if he really is your boyfriend, he should still be there."

_I know, dad. I know. _

The week flies by quickly, and with it flies my sanity. As my trip in Seattle approaches, I find myself becoming more and more nervous. I don't sleep at night and I can barely eat any food. Alice does her best to keep me preoccupied. She takes me on shopping trips to Port Angeles and has me over for dinner a few nights. I know she means well, but the distractions don't help and I only get more frustrated.

What frustrates me more is Edward.

He acts normal most of the time but every time Seattle or my mother is mentioned, he gets nervous and fidgety. He keeps telling me his agent is working on it, that he's going to do his best to be there, but for some reason, I don't believe him.

The Thursday before I leave, he finally gives me an answer.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't," he says as we sit in his living room. "My agent says there's a ton of press in Seattle right now because some movie is being filmed there, and chances are, I'd be followed. I don't want to put you through that."

I nod and bite my lip, keeping my eyes focused on my hands. "I understand."

"I'm really sorry," he says.

"It's fine," I say, glancing at the clock. "But I actually have to get home. My dad wants me home for dinner tonight, and I have to do homework and stuff…" I trail off as I stand up. "I'll see you in school tomorrow?"

He nods and stands up, wrapping his arms around me. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

I walk to the front door just as Alice and Jasper are walking up the stairs hand and hand. Alice smiles at me but Jasper, who knows me all too well, stops in his tracks.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

I shake my head and grab my backpack off the floor. "Nothing, uhhh…I just…I'm gonna head home. I'll see you two later."

I rush past them and jump into my truck. Jasper and Alice just stare at me as I pull away, and I barely make it to my house before I'm in tears. I'm thankful Charlie isn't home yet as I head into the living room and fall down on the couch. Velma hops onto my back and meows, but not even her cuteness can help me today.

I don't know why Edward's refusal bothers me so much. On a logical sense, I understand. It would be obnoxious to have photographers follow us around all day. But on the other hand we were…

What were we? And when did I even start hoping that we were…a thing?

I jump in surprise when I feel a hand brush the back of my head, but I know the touch immediately.

"Come on, Bells. Sit up," Jasper whispers.

I do as he says and the minute he wraps his arms around me, I fall apart.

"I don't know what this bothers me so much," I groan.

"Because you love him."

I freeze in his arms and look up at Jasper. "No, I don't."

He rolls his eyes. "Bella, I know you have that whole 'love cynic' thing going on, but I can tell you care about him more than you want to. You love him, or at least you're on your way there."

I don't want to talk about it, so I rest my head against his shoulder.

"I'm terrified, Jasper," I whisper. "I'm terrified about how I feel, I'm terrified about seeing my mom…I'm just scared."

He squeezes me. "Well I'm no Edward, but would it make you feel better if I tagged along?"

I smile at him through my tears. "I'd feel a lot better."

Saturday morning, Jasper and I sat in some random park, waiting for my mother to show up. We had gotten there a little early, mainly to give myself some time to calm down and think. But as the small hand got closer and closer to eleven, my heart started to pound harder and faster.

But when I finally saw her, my heart almost stopped.

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><p><strong>Next chapter, we finally meet her mom!<strong>

**Lots of Love!**


	24. Change

**Look at me, actually updating again.**

**Here's the interaction between Bella and her mom. I don't know how I feel about this chapter, and I didn't want to drag it out too long (because let's be honest, that'd be obnoxious). **

**So here it is! Enjoy. **

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><p>After the divorce papers arrived, my mom and dad had to meet together with their lawyers, primarily for formalities. My dad kept me out of it, knowing that seeing my mother would only confuse and upset me. Later that night, I heard him telling our family friend, Harry, that she put up a fight about custody.<p>

She must have been too high at the time to realize she didn't have a fighting chance. Seeing as she was the one who left and had a known problem with drugs, the court gave my dad full custody and said that they would revisit in a year and a half if my mother would go into rehab. According to my dad, she agreed but never expressed any interest in seeing me again. He hadn't heard from her, hadn't seen her. She wrote me occasional letters, telling me about the new love of her life and how happy she was.

When I didn't reply, she stopped writing and, somewhere in the back of my mind, I assumed that she really was happy. She realized that she didn't want a piece of her old life back and had moved on and started a new family. I pictured here being obnoxiously happy, as happy as she sounded on the phone when she talked about Phil and their small, adorable life.

But the woman in front of me didn't match up with that scenario.

When Renee left, she still looked like my mother. Sure she was a little paler and maybe a little skinnier, but nothing compared to the way she looked now. Her hair that used to be so long and beautiful and healthy is now stringy and short. She tried to make it look more presentable by putting it back in a ponytail, but that doesn't help. There are dark bags under her eyes as if she hasn't slept in months. Her skin is so pale she makes me look tan. And while my mother had always been thin, she looks disgustingly so now. Her skin looks like it's being stretched over her bones in the most unpleasant way.

Behind her stands a man who I assume is Phil. He has a baseball cap on backwards and his arms are covered in tattoos, not the kind of man I imagined my mother with. He looks like he'd rather anywhere else but here, and despite my immediate dislike of this man, I feel like we at least have that one thing in common.

"Oh my goodness. Just look at you," she says. Even though her appearance has changed, her voice is still very much the same, and I cringe. Jasper reaches over and grabs my hand.

"You're so grown up!" she exclaims. "Isn't she beautiful, Phil?"

He grunts.

I stand up, clutching Jasper's hand in mine, and feel like I'm going to vomit when she wraps her arms around me in a bone crushing hug.

"And who's this strapping young man?" she asks, eyeing Jasper. "Is this your boyfriend?"

I roll my eyes. "This is Jasper. Don't you remember him?" I ask.

She looks at him and squints her eyes. "This isn't little Jazzy. That's just not possible."

He smiles a very forced looking smile and shakes her hand. "Nice to see you again, Mrs…"

She grins. "Oh please. You're old enough to call me Renee."

He nods. "Renee."

Renee points out a diner a little ways down the road and asks if we would all like to go get something to eat and Jasper, God bless him, agrees when I can't make myself form a coherent thought.

We sit together on a crappy old booth made out of fake red leather. It's awkward at best, and Jasper keeps glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as we all order our food. Jasper and I both order a simple sandwich and a coke, while my mother orders a glass of water and some toast. Phil doesn't order anything besides a coffee and keeps glaring out the window.

"So, how's your father?" she asks after she takes a sip of her water.

"He's fine," I answer simply.

"I half expected him to come with you today out of fear that I might corrupt you," she says with a carefree laugh.

"Well, he has a right," I say quietly.

"Excuse me?" she says.

Jasper clears his throat uncomfortably and Phil actually turns his head in our direction.

"He has a right to be worried," I say, suddenly feeling bold. "I mean, let's be honest. You didn't exactly leave for the most noble reasons."

Renee scratches her arm and looks down. "I know you're angry with me, Bella, but I'm still your mother and you need to speak to me with respect, do you understand?"

I look at her and raise an eyebrow. The waitress chooses that moment to come over and deliver our food, but I've lost my appetite. Renee bites a piece of toast and looks at me.

"So do you have a boyfriend? Or is Jasper your boyfriend?" she asks.

I laugh for the first time that day and so does Jasper. "No, Jasper isn't my boyfriend. Just my best friend. Still."

She nods. "Is there someone else then?"

I shrug, really unsure of what to say. "Well, there's someone at home. We've been seeing each other, but I don't think it's anything serious yet."

"I'm proud of you," she says. "Getting involved with anyone that early in your life is a huge mistake. I was about your age when I met your father and it's my biggest regret."

I nearly choke on my coke. "What?"

"Well meeting your father, getting married that early, everything," she explains. "Had that not happened, I wouldn't have…well, done everything I did. I wouldn't have had to work so long to be happy."

I stiffen and Jasper reaches over to grab my hand, silently trying to relieve the sting her words left behind.

"I'm sorry we were such a hardship for you," I whisper.

"Oh stop, that's not what I meant," she says. "I regret your father. Not you. I love you."

"Oh cut it out, Renee," I say, trying to keep my voice down. "You don't love me. You don't even know me. And you can't regret dad without regretting me. If you hadn't of met dad, you would never of had me!"

Renee gives me a dirty look and pushes up her sleeves. "You are blowing this out of proportion, Isabella. That is not what I meant, and you know it! I don't regret you. I've turned my life around for you, just so I could see you again."

I can't reply. I can't say anything. My eyes are stuck to Renee's arms and the repulsive needle marks in the crook of her arm. Some of them are healed and are just little pot marks, but some of them are still obviously fresh.

"Yeah, you've really turned your life around," I say as I stand up, Jasper in tow. "God, I can't believe you!"

"Bella, please," she says as she stands up. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't work anymore, Renee," I say as I look away form her. "Don't contact me ever again. Just let me live my damn life without you screwing me up anymore."

~O~

The ride home was quiet. My phone went off once, a message from Edward asking me how it was going, but I couldn't find it in myself to answer. Instead, I turned my phone off and leaned my head against the cold window. Jasper didn't try to make me talk and for that I was thankful.

When he dropped me off a few hours later, he kissed the top of my head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry this happened," he whispered.

"Me too."

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><p><strong>Next chapter will be in a different POV, so be ready for that. <strong>

**Please review! It means the world to me:)**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot. **


	25. Friends are the family we choose

**So this is a short chapter, but I wanted to try a different point of view. I wanted Jasper to be able to say his piece to Edward. Jasper and Bella are like brother and sister, so that protectiveness Jasper feels for Bella needed to come through. **

**So here's Jasper's point of view! Enjoy. **

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><p><em>Jasper Point of View <em>

When Bella's mom left, I'd never seen a person more devastated. Even when my own dad's mom died, Bella's devastation seemed worse. She was young, but she still knew the difference between my dad's loss and her loss.

My grandma didn't want to go; she fought hard and long to stay. Bella's mom willingly walked away from everything.

I knew Bella needed to talk to her mother again; she would never have any closure until she finally got to say her piece. I'm the kind of person who likes to see the best in people and I believe in second chances, even for someone as shitty as Renee.

But yesterday, when we saw Renee walk up to that park looking like a moving corpse, I knew that she was going to throw away the second chance Bella was giving her as faster than she threw away the first.

I didn't know what to say to her on the way home, so I didn't say anything. I don't think anything I said would make a difference, so I had to hope that just being there made the disappointment somewhat better.

But when she got out of my car and walked slowly up to her front door, I knew she as heartbroken. She was heartbroken that her mother regretted her. She was heartbroken that her mother hadn't changed. And she was heartbroken that the person she loved the most-even though she wouldn't admit it-wasn't here for her today.

Alice is waiting outside for me when I drive up the Cullen's long driveway for their traditional Sunday brunch. She looks anxious as she walks down the front steps to greet me.

"Hey, Jazz," she says as she hugs me.

I hug her back and take a deep breath, knowing that even though Alice didn't want to pry, she was going to ask.

"Was it really that bad?" she asks as soon as we are in the front door of her house.

I nod. "Worse."

"So I'm guessing you couldn't convince her to come over for brunch?" she asks sadly.

I run a hand over my face. "She won't answer her phone. I think she just needs space for now. She has a lot she needs to think about."

We turn to head into the living room but I stop when I hear someone call my name from upstairs.

I lock eyes with Edward as he walks down the stairs. He looks tired and upset, and while I don't consider myself to be a sadistic person, I'm glad he looks so miserable.

"Bella won't answer my phone calls," he says, gesturing to the phone he has gripped in his hand. "Is she okay?"

I grab Alice's hand, hoping the anchor will keep me calm. "She's not answering anyone," I say.

"What happened?"

I look at him for a long moment, trying to figure out what I can say that won't be stepping on Bella's privacy.

"She needed you yesterday," I finally say. "She didn't need me. She needed you."

"I told her why I didn't want to go," he says defensively, but his face is red. "I didn't want my presence to cause any more of a problem for her."

"Bullshit," I say, probably to loudly. But I don't care. "You were too afraid to see her mother in case she hadn't recovered. You were too afraid to see what your future would look like if you didn't shape the fuck up and be a man."

"That's not-"

I throw a hand up to shut him up. "And just in case you were wondering, Bella's mom is a wreck. She's still an addict." I run a hand through my hair and step closer to him. "I'm not going to tell you all the fucked up shit she said to Bella because it's not my place. But if she decides to open up to her, be a man about it. Don't back down because you're too scared."

Edward doesn't say anything else, just stares at me with wide eyes.

I turn to Alice. "Can we go for a walk, please?" I ask quietly.

She nods and slips on a pair of shoes before we walk back out the front door and into the fresh air. I take a deep breath to calm myself as we walk down her long drive way.

"What happened, Jasper?" she asks quietly.

I look at Alice and know that I have nothing to hide from her. So I take a deep breath and tell her everything.

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><p><strong>I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Please review!<strong>

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	26. It's hard to do

**I love you guys.**

**The response to the past few chapters has been great. I love reading your reviews and your PMs, so please continue to send me your feedback! I love it. **

**Some of you have been saying that you really hope Bella doesn't forgive Edward so easily and that you're worried about their relationship. So I will just say this: I am a firm believer in happy endings, but I don't believe the come easily. So this story will have some sort of happy ending, but it's not going to be easy. This chapter should relieve some of your concerns.**

**So please read and enjoy! **

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><p>My dad wasn't home when Jasper dropped me off. Even though I really didn't want to talk about it, I guess a part of me wanted to see him when I got home. I needed to see the familiar face of my father who, despite everything I had been through, had always been there for me. But the house was empty, except for Velma of course, so I scooped her up and ran upstairs to my bedroom.<p>

I lay down and sunk in to my covers. I didn't want to resurface.

~O~

A tentative knock on my door a few hours later rouses me from my stupor. I grunt, letting Charlie know I'm in here and am alive. He pokes his head inside and smiles at me.

"How'd it go?" he asks, and I can hear in his voice how hopeful he is that she didn't mess up. But one look at my face must give him the answer he needs. "What happened?"

I sit up and let Velma scamper over to my father. He walks into the room and sits on the bed.

"She, uh…" I itch my arm absentmindedly at the thought of Renee's scars. "She's no better, dad."

He rubs a hand over his face and groans. "Damn it."

"Did you know?" I ask, looking him straight in his eyes.

He shakes his head. "I always wondered why she never attempted to at least get visitation rights, but I always just figured it was because she thought she hurt you too much. But then when she started calling you again, I thought she finally turned her life around." He looks at me seriously. "I'm sorry, Bella."

I stand up and glare at him. "Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for," I say. "I'm so stupid. I don't know why I expected her to be different. I just hoped she would try. Dad, she told me she regretted everything. She regretted meeting you and marrying you so early and everything that followed."

He looks at me. I know this isn't the first time he's heard my mother say that, but I don't think he was getting it. "Dad, if that never would have happened, I wouldn't be here. She regrets me. She blames me for the way she is now, and how am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to live with thinking I'm a mistake that ruined her life?" I'm yelling at him now, but he doesn't say anything. He just looks at me sadly.

"Why am I not good enough for her? Why am I not good enough for anyone?" I'm starting to cry, but I can't find it in me to stop. I sink to the floor and start to full on sob, and I know I must be terrifying Charlie, but he surprises me when he kneels down next to me and wraps his arms around my shuttering form.

"You're good enough for me, Bells," he whispers quietly.

~O~

I don't go to school that Monday. Dad doesn't even bother coming up to my room to check and see if I'm going. I hear the door shut around 7:30 and know that he's allowing me to have the day to myself. Something shifted yesterday between my dad and I. We've never been particularly touchy feely, but after yesterday, I feel closer to him than ever.

That's the only positive I can pull out of this situation between my mom and I.

I hear my phone ding again, but I don't bother looking at the screen; I know it's just another message from Edward, and I don't want to deal with that right now. I've already listened to some of the voicemails and read some of the text messages. I know he feels bad about not coming with me and he wants to explain, but I'm beyond that at this point.

Seeing my mom living with her addiction would have given me hope. Instead she tore any hope I had to shreds.

~O~

I knew I couldn't avoid Edward much longer. By Monday night, my phone was full. I knew the only reason he wasn't coming over was probably because Jasper told him to back off.

I need to make that boy dinner soon.

So I finally break down and text him a simple "I'm fine."

He calls me right away.

"Hey, Edward," I say, my stomach rolling nervously.

"Thank God, Bella," he says and I can hear the relief in his voice. "I was really starting to freak out. Jasper told me to stay away from you, but I was about three texts away from breaking into your house to see what was going on."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just had a lot to process and I couldn't…I didn't…I don't know."

"I want to be there for you, Bella," he murmurs. "But I can't do that unless you tell me what happened. Can I come over?"

I don't really want to deal with this conversation right now, but as I think about it, I realize I'm never going to want to talk with him about what happened. I sigh and tell him to come over now.

I pace by the door, anxious, knowing that this conversation isn't going to end well. I had to make a decision. Could I deal with this again? Could I deal with another person in my life that has no control over their actions, that is controlled by their addictions?

When Edward knocks on the door my heart rate spikes and I can't breathe for a second. But as soon as I open the door and look into his familiar green eyes, my heart rate slows back down and I finally catch my breath.

I can do this.

"Come on in," I say as I move out of the way.

He walks into the house and I can't help but stare at him, this beautiful boy who crashed into my life and in his own way changed everything for me.

I could have loved him. I know that now.

We sit down on the couch and face each other, and I think we both know this isn't going to end well. He reaches out and grabs my hand and, even though I know it'll make it harder, I allow myself this moment.

"You really let me down," I say as I stare at our hands. I look up into his eyes and I can see he already knows that.

"I know," he whispers. "Jasper wouldn't give me details but he said it was bad."

I sigh and drop his hand. "It's not just that, Edward," I say. "I mean, yeah, seeing my mom was awful. She's a terrible person who refuses to try to get better because she doesn't care enough about herself. But Edward, when I looked at her, all I could see was you."

He looks taken aback for a moment, and then he narrows his eyes.

"Bella, your mom and I are not the same person!" he exclaims.

I roll my eyes and stand up. "I know! But you could be!"

"I haven't done anything in a long time, you know that!"

"Just listen!" I yell. "My mother only ever tried to get better so that she could see me again. But somewhere along the line, I stopped being enough. And when you decided to finally start getting help, you kept saying you were doing it because you wanted to be better for me, not for yourself. And Edward, you need to want to get better for yourself.

"Because someday, I'm going to stop being enough," I say. "You're famous, Edward. Every director wants you in their films and every girl wants you in their bed. I'm not going to be enough to help you."

"Bella, you are enough!" he says as he stands up and walks to stand in front of me. "You will always be enough for me."

I shake my head. "You say that now. But Edward, I don't want you to come to resent me later on in life. I don't want you to look at me and just see me as the person who made you become clean. It's a battle. You have to fight every day. And I need you to fight for yourself. Not for me. I can't be that person. I'm sorry."

He stops moving and just stares at me. "What are you trying to say, Bella?"

"I can't do this anymore," I whisper. "Whatever we are, I can't do it. I'm sorry."

I'm surprised when tears well up in his eyes. He grabs my hands and pulls me to him and I take a deep breath so I won't start crying.

"I love you, Bella. I can't do this without you."

I push away from him. "I want to love you, Edward. But I can't. Not yet."

Edward doesn't say anything for a long minute. He just stares at me. But suddenly his features twist into anger and he walks away from me and walks outside, slamming the door behind him.

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><p><strong>So there's that. <strong>

**Please review! Like I said I love reading your responses. I'll hopefully be updating again tonight; now that I'm confident with how I want this story to go, I'll be able to get the chapters out decently quick. **

**Lots of Love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	27. I will always be proud to have known you

**Hello! **

**So here's the next chapter. It's not super long, but the story's going to jump forward after the next chapter, so this is kind of setting it up.**

**Enjoy the chapter.**

**Also, if anyone can figure out what song the chapter title is from, I'll give you an imaginary gold star and a shoutout before the story is over :)**

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><p>Edward left.<p>

After our argument or break up or whatever you want to call it, we didn't talk for a couple of days. School was awkward; we all sat near each other at lunch, but most of the conversation was made up of Alice and Jasper talking. They would attempt to bring Edward and I into different conversations, but we would simply reply to whatever was said before we'd go back to staring at our lunches.

It was uncomfortable, but I didn't regret it.

I knew I did the right thing, no matter how much it sucked.

But a few days later, he called me and despite my surprise and my nerves, I answered.

"Hey Edward," I said in greeting.

"Hi," he responded quietly. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but I just need to tell you something."

"I'm glad you called, Edward," I replied as I stand up to shut my bedroom door. "What's up?"

There was along moment of silence before he spoke again.

"I'm going back to LA," he said quickly. "I've had enough time out of my world. I need to go back."

I was shocked. Was he ready to go back? Could he handle it? Did I even have the right to care? I was the one who cut him off and stopped it all. Did I have the right to tell him how worried it made me, him going back to LA and possibly ruining all the progress he made?

"If that's what you think is best," I finally said. "I'll miss you, Edward."

He sighed loudly and I waited for him to respond.

"I'll miss you too. I'm sorry, Bella. For everything."

My eyes begin to water, and I briefly wonder where that snarky girl went and where this blubbery mess came from.

"Me, too."

He was gone the next day.

~O~

I hear from Alice from time to time. Her and Jasper are attempting the long distance relationship and since the Cullen's have more than enough money, she promised she'd be able to fly back and forth until he graduates. They were going to try to go to colleges near each other.

Even though I never heard from Edward in person, I see enough of him on magazine covers. The instant his plane landed in LA, he was on the front page of People and US. He hadn't done any interviews since he had gotten back, but all the tabloids were speculating about what had happened during his time in Forks. My name showed up a few times, but none of the Cullen's would comment.

Everything seemed to be slowly going back to normal. Edward was becoming a person I hardly knew. Lauren and Jessica went back to throwing out the occasional "Buddah Bella" at me, but nothing worse. My mom hadn't tried contacting me since we saw each other.

Until today.

A letter arrived addressed to me from Renee, and my first instinct was to rip it up and forget about it. I didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want anything from her.

But at the same time, I needed to know what she could possibly have to say to me.

I opened it slowly and took a long deep breath before I started to read.

_Bella,_

_I've been trying to figure out what to say to you. I still don't know what to say, but I'm trying to get all my thoughts out and I figure you deserve to know everything so I'm just going to write whatever comes to my mind._

_First of all, let me say I'm sorry. I know I've been an awful person and an even worse mother. But please let me try and explain why I've been such a screw up._

_When I met your father, we were very young. I thought I loved him, and I knew he loved me. We moved too fast. We got married right out of high school and had you so soon, and it was just so much to handle. At first, I was in the honeymoon stage and I was so happy with your dad and with you. You were perfect in my eyes. But then, as you got older and as the bliss faded away, I started to get antsy. I've always been a free spirit, Bella. But I knew I had an obligation to you and your father. And I loved you so much. And even though I figured out I didn't love him, I knew I cared for him and I couldn't leave him behind. So after a while, I found ways to make it easier. It started with prescription drugs. Then it progressed until heroin was all I could think about. _

_I never did it to hurt you, but I felt so trapped and terrified. I needed to find a way to feel free again, and that's what it did. It helped me get through the day and feel like myself again. When I left, I thought I was doing the right thing for you and for your dad. But after I was gone and when your father and I met with the lawyers, I realized I wanted you in my life. And I had every intention of getting clean, but there was more to it than just that. _

_I blamed you. I didn't realize it until I saw you in Seattle, but I blamed you completely. But seeing you again made me realize that you aren't to blame. You never were. It's not your fault I rushed into things with Charlie. It's not your fault, and I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way. I'm sorry that you thought I regretted you. _

_I'm sorry that, for a while, I did._

_I was in a dark place for a long time, Bella. And I blamed everyone except for the person who I should blame: me. Seeing you again made me finally blame myself for everything. _

_Since I saw you, I left Phil. I'm going to try and get better. I want a different life. I want a better life. So I'm going to try my best to get clean. _

_I'm sorry for everything, Bella. And I know that you may not believe this, but I do love you. _

_If you want to reply, I'd love to hear from you. But if you don't, I will understand. I'm so proud of you, Bella. You've grown into such a lovely young woman and I know you are going to do great things with your life. I love you. _

_Mom_

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><p><strong>Review!<strong>

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	28. Who is to blame?

**Hello, friends!**

**I was without internet access for a lot of today, which meant that I had a lot of time to write without interruptions. So I'll probably be able to update a few times tonight it all goes well. **

**Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

><p>I read the letter at least ten times before Charlie gets home. When he walks in the house he says a quick hello but pauses when I don't reply. I just look at him, the letter gripped in my hand. He walks over and sits down next to me, his eyebrows pulling together in concern.<p>

"What's that?" he asks.

"It's from mom," I say, and my voice is scratchy.

He reads it over and when he's done, he hands it back to me without saying anything. We both sit in silence for a long moment, and I imagine that mom's words hurt my dad a lot, even though it was something he always knew.

"Are you going to reply?" he finally asks.

"I don't know."

I go up to my room and read the letter one more time. I set it on my bedside table and curl up under the covers, guilt eating away at my stomach. I felt awful. I ruined everything. I've let this whole situation control my life. I let my mother ruin the way I look at relationships and I've taken my anger out on everyone around me.

I bury my face in my pillow and start to cry yet again.

What have I done?

~O~

Have you ever felt so shitty that you literally have no interest in doing anything? Like even the idea of changing out of your sweatpants and taking a quick shower sounds like too much effort so you just keep your hair in a ponytail and keep your old ratty sweatpants on?

Have you ever just hated yourself so much that you don't want to eat, that you don't want to drink, you don't even want to move? All you want to do is lay in bed and wish that everything in your life has all been a miserable awful nightmare and that when you wake up, everything will be okay?

That's how I felt. I had no interest in anything anymore. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to sleep. I just want to be left alone to wallow in my own misery.

Unfortunately, Jasper and my dad refuse to let me do that.

"Get out of bed, Bella," Jasper says as he barges into my room. "You've already missed three days of school, and I honestly don't know how you got the chief to let you do that."

I roll over to face him. "I don't understand either, but he's leaving me room. Please do the same."

"This is ridiculous," he mutters before he walks over and rips the covers off of my bed. "I don't understand why you're sulking. I get that the letter threw you off, but jeeze, Bella. This is getting obnoxious."

I glare at him and pull the covers back over me, but I sit up. "I'm just tired, Jasper. Leave me alone. I'll be fine."

"I'm saying this because I love you, Bella," he says before he takes a deep breath. "Get the fuck over yourself."

I stare at him in astonishment. He's never spoken to me like that before, and I don't know how to react.

"Excuse me?"

"I've always just kind of accepted the way you are because I understood why you were so bitter, but that letter should have sparked a positive change in you!" he exclaims. "But instead, you're letting it eat at you. And you're dwelling on your failed relationship with Edward, but you never even gave the fucking thing a chance to go anywhere. You were so busy trying to fix him that you don't realize that you fucked up too.

"You're constantly trying to fix other situations, but you're completely forgetting to fix everything that's fucked up in your own life!"

I glare at him. "I thought you were on my side!"

"I'm always going to be on your side, Bells! But sometimes, being on someone's side means getting behind them and kicking their ass when they get stuck in a rut. And you've been stuck in a rut since you were a kid," he says. "And I just…you need to work on you."

I don't know what to say. I feel like I'm frozen in my spot as I stare into Jasper's eyes. He's knows me better than I know myself, but right now, I feel like I've just been stabbed in the gut by my best friend.

"I've gotta go," he says. "I'll see you in school tomorrow."

He walks out of my bedroom and I hear him mutter a "hello, chief" before his footsteps descend the stairs.

My dad comes and stands in my doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

"How much of that did you hear?" I ask, not meeting his eyes.

"Enough," he replies as he walks towards my bed. He sits down on the edge, and I remember the last time Charlie came into my room and sat on my bed and my stomach rolls.

"Do you know why I've let you miss so much school?" he asks quietly.

I look at him and shake my head.

"Because it's my fault."

I bark out a laugh, and it sounds hard and bitter. "None of this is your fault."

"But it is my fault. When you're mom left," he begins to explain, "I had hoped that you would be young enough that it wouldn't change you too much. But after you found that needle, I knew you would put everything together. I saw you start to close yourself off from everyone.

"I thought you were getting better for a while. But when you're mother started to call, something shifted. I realized nothing had changed, that you hadn't gotten any better." He looks down and picks at his sleeve. "You've always been a self-sustaining person. You never needed help with anything, and I thought that this would be the same. I figured letting you take a few days off of school would make things better, but it hasn't."

"What are you trying to say, dad?"

He looks at me, and I'm shocked when I see tears in his eyes.

"I'm saying that this is my fault because I should have gotten you help as soon as she left," he says. "I should have gotten you into a therapist so you would understand that it was your mom who was messed up. But instead, I let you be bitter and angry with everyone, and it is all my fault."

For the second time today, I'm frozen in my seat.

"I want to fix this, Bella."

"I don't think I can be fixed, dad," I say. "I have no idea where to start."

"You aren't broken, Bella," he whispers. "You just need to change your perspective. And as for where to start…"

He stands up and walks over to my desk where there's a notebook and a pen. He hands them to me and then places my mother's note next to it.

"Write her back," he instructs. "Tell her everything. Explain how you feel. I think it could do a world of good to get that out there."

I crack a smile for the first time in days. "When did you become a life coach?"

Charlie coughs and starts walking towards the door. "Being the police chief of a thriving metropolis like Forks teaches you a few things."

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><p><strong>So the next few chapters are going to be jumping around a bit. It'll be an interesting ride. <strong>

**Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. **

**Lots of love, **

**Emilia Elliot **


	29. When you mind's made up

**Hello!**

**Here's another chapter. I told you I was going to be jumping around a little bit with time. This chapter jumps ahead a few months from the previous chapter. The next chapter will jump ahead even farther. **

**Stick with me. Things will start getting better eventually.**

**Enjoy! **

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><p><em>June<em>

"So you graduate tomorrow?" Heidi asks as she takes a seat across from me.

"Yup," I say with a smile. "Finally! I'm so ready to get out of that place."

Heidi laughs. "I'd tell you to cherish this time and that you'll eventually want it back, but I know that's a lie."

I laugh with her. After the first few sessions, I opened up and told Heidi everything the girls at school had done to me, from the nicknames to the milk incident to the most recent, which consisted of them tripping me in the hallway and causing me to sprain my ankle…which caused them a week of suspension.

My dad made me start seeing Heidi a few weeks after our talk back in February. At first, I hated her. She was gorgeous and perfect and blonde, which reminded me too much of Lauren, but after a couple sessions, she proved to me that I was far too judgmental. She was great and she really seemed to understand me. We stuck to lighter topics at first, about how I was treated in high school and about my friends, primarily Jasper and Alice.

But the first session we had in April, she sat me down and asked me to talk about my parents. I told her a ton about Charlie and our relationship, about how we had gotten closer in the past few months and how similar we were. But then she asked about mom and it was like a dam opened. I told her everything about her, how amazing she was when I was really young and how happy she seemed. I told her about finding the needle and realizing something else was happening. I told her about the letters and phone calls and the visit and the newest letter that I wasn't sure I wanted to answer.

And after that, I trusted her. She was able to help me see the situation in a different light. Eventually, I started to realize how much of my life I've wasted being bitter about something that I couldn't change instead of just moving on and tying to get over it.

And after we opened the can of worms with my mom, I told her about what happened with Edward. She remained very professional when we talked about it, but I could tell a part of her wanted to fangirl over it. She asked me what happened and when I explained how I told him to leave, she agreed that I was afraid. She said the next step was getting over that fear, and that's what we've been working on.

Edward was a mystery to me nowadays. I hadn't heard from him-which didn't surprise me-and he appeared less and less in the tabloids. There were rumors about movies he was planning to star in and people he was dating (which did hurt), but that was it. He still hadn't really done any interviews. When Jasper talked to Alice, he said she never really wanted to talk about Edward, but would always say that he was fine, just figuring things out.

I could understand that.

"Have you sent anything to your mom yet?" she asks, snapping me back to the present.

I shake my head. "No, but I think I'm ready," I say nervously. "I've been thinking about what I want to say and I finally think I know."

"Good for you, Bella," she says. "I'm proud of you."

I grin at her. Hearing Heidi say that meant a lot to me. I know she was just my therapist, but I had come to consider her my friend. I respected her a great deal and I loved knowing that she was proud of me.

"Any ideas on college yet?" she asks.

I groan. That was the one place in my life that was still at a standstill. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Did I want to go to college? And if so, what did I want to major in? Did I want to take a year off and explore my options before I firmly decide on something?

I had so many choices, but I had no idea which way to go.

"Nope," I reply. "I'm just not sure I want to jump back into school so soon. I've never been out of Washington. I want to just…be for a while, if that makes sense."

Heidi nods encouragingly. "There's nothing wrong with that. People take time off of school all the time. Letting yourself have a year or two off isn't a bad thing. Not going to college isn't a bad thing. You have to figure out what's right for you."

Easier said than done.

~O~

When I get home, I go upstairs to my room and sit down at my desk. I pick up a pen, the same pen Charlie handed me months ago, and pull out a sheet of paper. I take a long, deep breath and start writing.

_Renee, _

_I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond. I've had a lot to think about the past few months and I wanted to be able to write this with as much of a clear head as possible. _

_When I saw you in Seattle, I didn't handle things the right way. I panicked and flipped out and got defensive. I was right, but I should have taken a step back and calmed down._

_But can you blame me for freaking out?_

_After reading your letter, I have a better sense of why you did what you did. But I still don't understand, and I don't think I ever will. But since I sat down and read your letter (more than once) and took the time to hear you out, I want the chance to do the same. _

_I fell in love with a guy. A great guy. And it wasn't until I let him go that I realized that I messed everything up. And even though I was the one who told him to go, I realized that it was your actions that made me do it. When I was a kid, you and Dad were the very definition of love to me. I saw you two together and was reminded of all those princess and princes in the books you would read me. _

_But then you left. Dad was devastated. I was devastated. I found the needle and, after some time and a lot of questions, I put the pieces together. You left me because of what you did with that needle. You got so caught up in yourself that you couldn't even stand to stay with your family. Dad never found anyone else again and then you would write me these letters about all of these different men and you were madly in love with all of them and somewhere along the line, I stopped believing in love all together. _

_When I first met this guy, I hated him. (I won't tell you who it is, but if you ever pick up a magazine or watch TV, you may be able to figure it out). He just came across as this pompous, arrogant jerk and I immediately hated him. But then I got to know him and I started to genuinely care about him. Though I wouldn't admit it and never got to tell him, I fell in love. And then I found out he had his own addiction. And he became you. After I saw you, not only was I completely crushed that you hadn't kicked the addiction, but in you, I saw what he could become. I couldn't stand the idea of becoming a regret to him like I had to you. So I told him I couldn't be with him and he left. _

_I hate you for what you did, but I will always love you because you're my mom. Nothing in the world can change that and, when I was a kid, I remember having a lot of great times with you. I don't know if I'll ever want to see you again, but you can write to me. I can't promise I'll always reply. _

_Bella. _

I walk down the street to the mailbox and slip the letter inside.

I feel lighter already.

* * *

><p><strong>Another chapter done! We're getting so so so close to the end, and I can't believe it.<strong>

**The support I've received over the past couple chapters has been amazing! I've gotten so many follows, favorites and reviews and I'm so honored and flattered and ridiculously happy! Pleaseee continue to review. I love hearing what you have to say. **

**Thank you all again!**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	30. But I can't change time

**You guys are THE BEST.**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with me and reading and reviewing. I'm so happy with the response to this story and I can't tell you how much it means to me. **

**This chapter is a bit longer than the others, but a lot happen, so I hope you enjoy it! **

* * *

><p><em>One Year Later<br>July  
>Seattle<em>

I love watching planes.

When I was little and we would go to Seattle for whatever reason, I would always beg to drive by the airport and watch the planes take off. I always wanted to fly, and I was so envious of anyone that could, so I loved watching and imagining that I was on the plane.

Even today, as I sit next to my best friend who is bouncing his leg at a fast tempo, I find myself fixated on the plane taking off out the window.

"The plane is late. Why is the plane late?" Jasper mutters as he looks at his watch for the fifteenth time in sixty seconds.

"Jasper, it's a minute late, will you calm down?" I say, pushing his arm with my shoulder. "And stop bouncing your leg. You're making me seasick."

The bouncing immediately stops and he chuckles. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it."

I laugh. "Why are you so nervous? It's not like she's going to say no."

"You don't know that!" he exclaims, standing up. "What if she thinks I'm moving too fast? We're only going into our sophomore year of college. And what if the reason she's flying here is because she wants to break up with me?"

"I highly doubt she would fly all this way to do that," I mumble. "And are we talking about the same Alice? I'm pretty sure she told me she was going to marry you back in high school. And just because you're asking her to marry you doesn't mean you have to get married tomorrow. You can wait until you both graduate college."

He takes a deep breath. "I know, I know."

A new wave of people start to pour out of the exit, and Jasper and I stand up, looking for that spikey black hair we both miss so much.

Before we can find her, I hear a loud "JAZZ!" break through the cacophony of voices.

I stand back and smile while I watch Alice drop her carry on bag and jump into Jasper's open arms. I look away when they start to kiss, but I'm still smiling.

I only saw Alice once or twice after graduation. I decided to forgo college for a little while and spend sometime on me. Heidi and I talked about it for a long time and decided that was the best route for me to take. I visited a few of the places I'd always wanted to. I flew to New York City with Jasper and saw "The Phantom of the Opera" on Broadway (and I sobbed for a good twenty minutes straight at the end). I drove to Las Vegas with a girl named Leah, my dad's best friends daughter, and went to my first casino. I went to Atlanta (by myself, which was admittedly terrifying) and went on "The Walking Dead" tour.

I learned how to enjoy life again and to not constantly have a bitter outlook.

It was amazing.

Alice looked behind Jasper and saw me and started to cry as she let him go and folded me into a hug.

"I'm so happy you're here," she says.

"It's good to see you, Alice," I reply, hugging her back tightly. "Unfortunately, I have to make my own flight."

She pulls back. "Where are you going this time?" she asks.

"Santa Monica," I say with a shrug.

"What's in Santa Monica?"

I give her a half smile. "I don't know. That's what I'm going to find out."

~O~

The flight isn't long, which I'm thankful for. I think sitting in one small-enclosed space for hours while I'm this nervous would cause me to have a meltdown. As soon as we touch down, I say a quick prayer, asking God to help me remember everything I learned in therapy.

I push my way through all the happy couples and friends greeting each other and head towards baggage claim and my bag appears mercifully quick. I head to the rent a car desk and am extremely happy that I decided to get a car in advance so all I had to do was sign a few forms and get the keys. I asked for a car with a built in GPS, and am extremely surprised to find that it is really easy to work. I type in the address I was given and nervously pull out of the parking lot.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

I get caught in a few bad traffic jams, but after an hour, I finally make it to my destination.

The house is small, especially compared to some of the huge ones I passed on my way here. Even though the house is still technically in Santa Monica, it's on the very outskirts. It's a ranch style home painted a light red color. There's a little garden outside filled with little pink and white flowers. Cobblestones lead up to the light brown door. It's almost too picturesque. Without realizing it, I imagined I would be coming to a nasty box of a house that looked like it should house rats instead of anything else.

The person who stepped out the door wasn't anything like I imagined either.

Renee looked good, a complete 180 from the last time I saw her. She put on a few pounds and had a nice tan. Her hair was back to the way I remember it, long and brown and healthy. She was wearing a short sleeve shirt and my eyes were immediately drawn to the bandage wrapped around her elbow. My stomach turned at the memory and my first reaction was to panic, but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

"Bella," she says in greeting as she walks up to the car. "It's good to see you."

I smile at her, making sure my eyes stay on hers and not on the bandage on her arm. "It's good to see you, too. The house is beautiful."

She shrugs. "It's nothing too extravagant, but I like it."

I grab my bags out of the back and we walk towards the house in silence, but it's not awkward. Not like last time.

After I sent my letter, I received another one in response a few weeks later. This one, however, had a different return address. She sent it from a rehab facility in Santa Monica. She told me that this time, it was going to be different. She said was going to stay in therapy until she could walk out of the door confidently.

"No more relapses, no more bullshit excuses," she had said. "I'm going to get better."

Her newfound intensity proved to be helpful. She made it through the program and, after seven and a half months, checked out with all of her doctors supporting her. She knew the battle wasn't over by any means, but she was determined to make it this time. She still attended therapy sessions twice a week, once by herself and once with a group.

When she finally found a permanent job and settled into a house, I told her I would come visit her. I wanted to see if she was making a genuine effort this time. Some part of me would always remember and be angry about my past with Renee. But I wanted a relationship with my mother, so I was willing to try.

She's right about the house; it isn't extravagant. But it was homey. It smelled like the perfume my mom used to wear and instead of making me bitter and angry, I found it comforting.

She led me into the living room and gestured to the couch, which had a few blankets and a pillow stacked neatly on the end.

"I'm sorry that you have to sleep on the couch," she says. "It's a small house, and there's only one bedroom."

I wave it off. "The couch is fine."

She beams at me. "Have a seat. I'll go grab some drinks. What sounds good, iced tea, soda, water?"

"Uhm, iced tea is fine," I say.

She nods and breezes out of the room. I look around the living room and it makes me sad; the walls are all pretty much bare. There's a few generic pictures of flowers and one or two of landscapes, but nothing personal.

She comes back into the room with a bottle of water, a glass of iced tea and a bowl of pretzels.

"I figure you must be hungry from the flight," she explains as she sets them down on the small coffee table in front of me. "If you're up for it later, we can actually go out to get some food or we can order in."

"That sounds nice," I say, knowing that the small talk was coming to an end.

"So how are you?" she questions as she opens her water. "Your letters were a real joy while I was in rehab. They were always so entertaining."

_Nice segue,_ I think.

"I'm glad," I say out loud. "I thought about you a lot on my trips."

She smiles. "That makes me happy. I'm glad you got to go out and explore a little bit. I wish I would have done that."

"That was actually one of the things Heidi and I talked about," I reply.

"Who's Heidi?"

I blush. "Oh, she's my therapist," I explain. "We talked a lot about whether going to college would be the right route, or if I wanted to go out and explore and find a life outside of Forks. We talked about how that might have helped you."

I say everything tentatively. I don't want to upset her, but when I look up at her, she's not mad. She's nodding.

"That probably would have," she admits. "It would have saved everyone a lot of heart ache. But can I tell you what I talked about with my therapist?"

"Sure."

"We talked about everything I had done and all of my regrets," she says. "And he taught me how to see things I regretted as lessons. Marrying Charlie wasn't the best idea I've ever had. But it brought me you. That's a positive. I might not have gotten to see the world, but I got to have you. I got to love you. And even though it may not have seemed like it, I've always loved you."

I don't know what to say. It was one thing having hard conversations through letters; it's another thing completely doing it in person.

"Thank you," I say. "That means a lot to me. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for the way I acted last time."

"Don't be." She waves me off. "That gave me the kick I needed. If that day hadn't happened the way it did, I don't know where I would be today."

I finally ask the question that's been bugging me since we were outside. "What's the deal with the bandage?" I ask, gesturing to her arm.

She looks down as if she forgot the bandage were there. "Oh! I should have explained that earlier," she says with an embarrassed smile. "It's a reminder. I keep it there so that I always remember what I was and what I did." She lifts the bandage up and shows me her lightly scared elbow.

"I'm proud of you," I say. And I mean it.

She smiles at me, and for the first time in a long time, I have my mom back.

~O~

After much deliberation, we decided on Chinese food for dinner and had it delivered. I am, honestly, exhausted from the day's activities and really have no interest in going out on the town.

We sit on opposite ends of the couch, me with my sweet and sour chicken and Renee with her chicken friend rice and noodles. She clicks on the television and starts flipping channels.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" she asks. "Or find a TV show? I think "Friends" is on…"

"Uhm it doesn't matter to me," I mutter, watching the channels flick by. "Whatever you-"

I stop and am paralyzed for a moment before I yell. "Go back a channel! Please!"

Renee gives me a funny look but clicks a button, and my breath catches in my throat and my heart thunders loudly in my chest.

The woman on the television stands smiling, her microphone poised in front of her.

"After months and months of wondering what happened to the Hollywood heartthrob, Edward Cullen is finally sitting down to talk about his absence and what he's been up to." She smiles widely. "And only E! has the exclusive interview."

And standing next to her stands the man I'd been simultaneously dreading and hoping to see for months, smiling at the camera with his green eyes glowing.

"Stay tuned."

* * *

><p><strong>Like I said, a lot happens. <strong>

**Now, I want to clarify before a bunch of people yell at me: Bella and her mother are not going to be picking out "Mother-Daughter" bracelets anytime soon. They are on the road to a relationship, but with all the pain Bella has been through because of the situation, it isn't going to be perfect. **

**I'll have the next chapter up hopefully by tomorrow! :) **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot**


	31. I just met a girl named Maria

**This chapter actually exhausted me. **

**I banged this out pretty quickly, so please excuse any mistakes.**

**Enjoy the interview! **

* * *

><p>"Bella, what's wrong?" Renee asks, looking between the television and me.<p>

I can't say anything. Even as the camera fades out and a Burger King commercial comes on, I'm still frozen in my seat, my eyes trained on the spot his eyes had been. A part of me convinced myself that he just stopped existing, especially with his absence in the tabloids. But there he was, in full color on my mom's average sized television screen.

"You're starting to worry me, sweetheart."

I look at Renee. I told her a little about Edward, mentioned that he might show up in a few magazines, but never actually confessed his true identity.

"Uhm…remember the guy I mentioned? In my first letter?" I ask tentatively.

"Yes, you said he had the same sort of problem I did," she says, nodding. "Why?"

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can she gasps.

"Oh my God, you were dating Edward Cullen!" she exclaims. "How the heck did you meet him?"

I jump in surprise. I found it strange that my mother new who Edward was. Even though he was one of the hottest names in Hollywood, my mom just didn't seem like the kind of person who kept up on pop culture.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh jeeze, Bella," she laughs. "Rehab wasn't a prison. I still got to watch TV and movies. A girl I was in rehab with was completely enamored with Edward. I've seen all his movies."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say.

"So how did you meet him?"

I rest my head on the back of the couch and give her the Sparknotes version of how I met Edward Cullen. I was sure to include how bitchy I was and how pompous he was but somehow, we found a middle ground but it was so rocky and shitty because neither of us were stable enough to be in a relationship but we were both to stubborn to see it.

Renee looks from me to the television, her expression thoughtful.

"Can we watch the interview?" she finally asks. "Or would that be too hard for you?"

I think of Heidi and what she would want me to do. She'd tell me that there would be no harm in watching it. Only Renee and I would know. Edward would never find out unless I told him.

"Let's watch it."

Renee turns the volume up a bit as the reporter comes back on the screen. They start doing a brief biography on Edward.

"I'm proud of you," Renee says softly as the reporter talks about Edward's big break into Hollywood. "You got out of the relationship and you got help. That's admirable."

I smile at her and she smiles back. Words aren't necessary.

"_After a few questionable reports, Edward disappeared from the spotlight and found reprieve in the small Washington town of Forks," _the reporter says. An image of the Forks town sign pops up and I smile at the familiar sight. _"Speculations have been flying about since his departure, and even more rumors surfaced after he returned. But his return was short lived. A few months after Edward came back to LA, he disappeared again for some "personal time."_

We finally see the reporter again, but this time, she's in a large red chair. She looks very serious as she stares into the camera.

"_But tonight is about answers," _she says. _"Edward is here, and he's going to talk about his disappearances and his personal trauma. Thank you for being here, Edward."_

The camera switches to a close up of Edward smiling, sitting in an identical chair. _"Thanks for having me, Maria," _he says. His voice fills me with a strange feeling that takes me a moment to identify: longing.

"_Edward, I know this is a delicate situation and that you went through quite a lot,"_ she says in a clearly fake sympathetic voice.

Edward nods and takes a deep breath. _"I had a lot of problems,_" he admits.

"_Why don't we start with the weeks before you left for Forks," _she says. _"What happened to the clean cut boy America had grown to love?"_

Edward shrugs. _"He grew up too fast,"_ he says. _"My story isn't really all that unique. I did a movie and met some new people. They introduced me to a different Hollywood, one that I'd grown up reading about._"

Maria shifts slightly in her seat and leans forward. _"What happened?"_

"_I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol,_" he says bluntly. _"The stress started to get to me and I didn't know how to handle it. It started off innocent enough on my part. I'd sneak a few beers here and there, maybe borrow some meds from a friend or two. But then a _friend_ got me into the harder stuff. Coke, mainly."_

Maria's eyebrows shoot up, and I believe she is genuinely surprised. Edward's PR must have done a fantastic job of covering everything up.

"_I'd heard that rumor," _she confesses. _"But you had a reputation of being the ideal teen star for a long time. Most of us fans didn't believe it."_

Edward runs a hand through his hair, and I can tell he's nervous. I find myself starting to wonder how much he's actually going to reveal about his time away.

"_It was very true,_" he says sadly. _"I'm human, just like everyone else. I make mistakes and do stupid things. I finally realized there was a problem when there was a very close incident at a party one night. Someone I love and care about very much was almost seriously hurt, all because I was too drugged up to realize there was a problem. After that, my team, my family and I all decided to try to take care of this without causing too much media stress."_

Maria is good at her job. Her face looks completely heartbroken as she nods slowly along with what Edward says.

"_Is that why you decided to make the move to Forks?"_ she asks.

He nods. _"Yes. My father had a friend on the medical staff at the Fork's hospital. He said the town was a great place if we wanted peace and privacy. So we made the move."_

"_That must have been big news in such a small town!" _Maria exclaims. I think back to his first day and laugh to myself. I was such a bitch to him, and he thought he was God's gift to all of us.

Edward lets out the first genuine laugh I've heard from him in a long time and I can't help but smile with him.

"_You have no idea,_" he says. _"My first day at school there was just crazy. But everyone was extremely welcoming and I made a lot of good friends. A few in particular…"_

I freeze. No way. There was no way. Nope. It can't happen.

Maria nods vigorously. _"Yes, I remember the interview Tanya did after she returned from Forks. You made a friend by the name of Isabella Swan, correct?"_

I stiffen and I feel my mom look at my face, and I'm surprised when she tentatively reaches out and grabs my hand. But I welcome the contact. I squeeze her hand tightly in mine but I never take my eyes off the screen.

Edward doesn't give anything away, but I see a slight shift in his eyes as he nods.

"_According to Tanya, she had quite the rough life," _Maria says as a picture of me appears on the screen.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Edward doesn't say anything. He just looks at Maria.

"_I'm glad you were able to find someone to help while you were struggling with yourself," _she says, admiration clear in her tone.

"_Tanya was completely in the wrong with that interview," _Edward says and I can hear the strain in his voice. _"Bella…she helped me. She made me see that I had a problem and that it would only get worse if I ignored it like I was trying to do."_

"_She sounds like quite a girl." _I can hear the apology in her voice.

Edward smiles. _"She is. She got me through a lot."_

"_Was Tanya's interview completely false?" _Maria asks, switching gears completely. _"When the interview asked her about the nature of your relationship with Bella, she said that you were already with someone else and that Bella was only a friend. Was all that true."_

Edward stiffens. I can see the argument he's having with himself. Does he reveal everything about us? Does he keep it simple? Does he say no comment?

My stomach is in knots and the few seconds that pass between the question and his answer feel like an eternity.

"_I loved her," _he admits and my stomach drops and spins all at the same time. _"She changed my life. She was a ballbuster and hated me at times, but she taught me a lot about myself and what my life would be if I didn't shape up."_

My heart is racing and I'm squeezing Renee's hand so hard I'm confident that her hand is turning blue.

"_Then why did you leave?_" Maria wonders. _"If you were so happy with this small town Bella, then why did you leave? Did you miss stardom that much?"_

He shakes his head. _"No. I mean, I love what I do, but I left because I started to give up. Everything just became too overwhelming and I wanted to come back and just try to jump back into my life. But my main problem was that I was trying to get better for everyone around me. I didn't care about getting better for myself. I needed that commitment from myself." _

"_So what happened when you returned to LA?"_ Maria asks as she leans forward again. _"And why did you disappear so fast?"_

"_When I returned to LA, I jumped right back into work," _he explains. _"But then I relapsed."_

Maria sits back in her seat and puts a hand to her chest. _"That terrifying, Edward."_

He nods. _"You're telling me,"_ he mumbles. _"It wasn't a big one, but it was enough that it terrified me into finally seeing what I had to do. So I packed up and checked into rehab."_

"_That's very brave of you,"_ Maria says.

Edward shrugs. _"It's something I should have done a long time ago," _he begins. _"But one of the things I learned was that you need to forget regret. And the more I thought about it, I realized I wouldn't change a thing. Refusing help, going to Forks, meeting Bella…I wouldn't change any of it."_

"Sounds like he had a good therapist," Renee mumbles next to me and I smile at her. It was the same thing she had said earlier. Regrets are pointless.

Maria and Edward begin to talk about his upcoming projects, but I'm replaying the interview over and over again in my head. He loved me. He didn't regret me. He was thankful for how bitchy I was.

As soon as the interview is over, Renee shuts the TV off and looks over at me.

"Are you okay?" she asks, her eyes filled with concern.

In response, I flop my head on the couch cushion between us and groan.

Now what?

* * *

><p><strong>Now what?<strong>

**You guys will find out soon!**

**Review! **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	32. Tried to make me go to rehab

Jasper calls me a few minutes after the interview ends, partially to ask if I'm okay and partially to tell me that Alice said yes to his proposal. Even though I'm utterly confused about everything that has happened today, I'm still extremely excited for my best friend. I've never heard him sound so happy, and when Alice jacks the phone away from him, I can hear the same excitement in her voice…just a few pitches higher.

After a few minutes of talking to her, Jasper steals the phone back and asks what I thought of the interview.

"I honestly don't know what to think," I say. "You know how I felt…how I feel. I just don't know what to do."

Jasper sighs into the phone. "Well either way, you're going to have to see him."

My stomach rolls. "When? Why?"

"The wedding," he says and I can hear the eye roll in his voice. "He's Alice's brother so he'll be there. And you're going to be my best man, so you have no choice."

I smile and can't help the tears the flood into my eyes. "Really?"

"I wouldn't want anyone else to stand with me on my wedding day but you," he says. "You'll do it?"

"Of course! I'd be honored, Jasper."

We talk for a few minutes after that and by the time we finish up, my mom has already made her way up to bed. So I curl up on the couch with a pillow and a sheet and flip on "Friends."

The last thing I hear before I fall asleep is Joey saying "How you doin?"

~O~

The next morning, I wake to the smell of fresh coffee and waffles. My stomach rumbles and I roll over to see a spread on the coffee table in front of me.

"Morning, Bella," my mom says as she breezes back into the room. She puts some sugar and milk on the table and sits down in her plush chair next to the couch.

"How'd you sleep?" she asks before she sips her cup of coffee.

I reach for my own cup and rip open a pack of sugar. "Really well, surprisingly. After the crazy day yesterday, I didn't think I'd sleep at all."

"Well we can just take it easy today," Renee says. "We can get better acquainted with each other again."

And that's exactly what we do. Compared to yesterday, it is extremely difficult. With the actual reunion out of the way, we talk about my childhood after she left. At times, I get extremely angry and have to stop talking for a minute. I recount the times where I really could have used a mother's advice, like when I had my first real crush in middle school and he ended up trying to have sex with me. Even the memories I don't say out loud make me angry. When I think about how difficult it was for me when I got my period the first time (thank GOD for Jasper's mom or else I wouldn't have had a clue what to do), I find myself wanting to lash out at her.

She seems to get that. Whenever I stop talking or stand up to go get a drink from the kitchen, she doesn't follow me. She sits and waits for me to get my head together. The Renee I saw in Seattle a year ago wouldn't have understood, but this Renee got it. She knew her mistakes took a toll on me and she gave me the time I needed to collect myself.

When dinnertime came around, we decided to go out to a local pizza place. I got a regular coke while my mom orders a glass of water. She tells me she limits her caffeine intake to once a day, with her cup of coffee in the morning.

"I'm already kicking a heroin addiction," she says. "I don't need to tack on a caffeine addiction, too."

The next morning when I wake up, Renee is on the phone in the kitchen. I listen in, not really intending to eavesdrop, but wondering whom my mom could be talking to. She hadn't mentioned anyone else to me.

"That sounds good," she says in a quiet voice. "Will everyone be bringing their families?"

There's a pause as the other person speaks.

"I'll see if she wants to go then," Renee says. "Thanks for letting me know, Paul. I'll talk to you soon."

She hangs up the phone and I hear her start moving around the kitchen. After a few moments, I start to smell fresh coffee. I stretch and push my hair out of my face and after a few minutes, Renee walks in, carrying a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Bella!" she sings as she sets the cup down. "I have something I want to run past you."

I grab the cup and take a sip of the black coffee, too lazy to go into the kitchen and grab sugar.

"What's up?"

"Well my counselor, Paul, just called," she begins, staring at me tentatively. "There's going to be an…open house of sorts at my rehab facility."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "Doesn't that break some sort of confidentiality code or something?"

She shakes her head. "The rehab facility I went to has two locations. One of them is the hospital you stay at when you begin your recovery. The second facility is where you go after for your appointments. The day after tomorrow, there's going to be an open house, just for patients and their families. It's voluntary, so unless you sign up you don't have to go. But I thought it might be nice for us to try out."

I look at her. "What would I have to do?"

She shrugs. "We'll go to a few little lectures, I guess. There's going to be a few guest speakers, specialists on addiction and a few old patients to tell success stories. There will be a few group sessions happening, but we don't have to join in unless you feel comfortable."

I sigh and look into my coffee cup to contemplate for a moment. This could be good, I finally decide. This could be just what we need.

"I'm in."

~O~

The day of, my mom and I both wake up pretty early to get ready. I put on the only skirt I bought, a knee length white and black stripped skirt with a light pink tank top. Renee wears a simple brown dress with small brown heels.

I stick with my flip-flops. Today was going to be long enough without the stress of heels.

The facility is really nice. When we walk in the front doors, the homey feel surprises me. I don't feel like I'm in a hospital. The colors are all light and neutral and everything feels strangely relaxed, which I guess is the point.

A tall man with a buzz cut walks over to my mom and gives her a hug.

"Renee," he says in greeting.

"Paul," she says with a smile. "I'd like you to meet my daughter, Bella."

He turns his bright smile to me and shakes my hand. "It's a pleasure, Bella. I've heard a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you," I say back.

"Why don't you walk around and check out the facility, Bella," Paul says. "I just want to discuss a few things with your mom before hand."

I look at my mom and she nods at me with a smile, so I walk towards the other side of the room where there's a few groups of people milling about. There are a few tables set up. One is topped with different types of cookies and drinks. Another one has a few brochures and pictures of the place with patients milling about along with an itinerary for the days events. I start reading it over to scope out what Renee and I might do, when I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Excuse me," a teenage girl says. "Are you Bella Swan?"

I raise an eyebrow at her, confused. "Uhm…yes. Can I help you?"

She beams at me and grabs my hand. "Oh my God, I can't believe it's you!" she squeals. "What's Edward like? I'm, like, so thankful that you got him back on track. Can you believe he's-"

"Michelle!"

She stops babbling and turns towards the man who yelled her name.

"I'm sorry about my daughter," he says. "She gets over excited."

I just nod as the girl groans at her father while he pulls her away. That was probably the weirdest experience of my life, and I feel super awkward. I slip away, back towards Renee who smiles when she sees me.

She takes the itinerary out of my hand and glances at it. "Why don't we check out the first lecture with the primary doctor here? Then we'll see what's going on after that."

"Sounds good," I say, my mind still on Michelle.

She knows who I am, and I know that's just the tip of the iceberg.

~O~

The first couple of lectures are informative. I learn a lot about what it's like to live with an addiction and, in the process, I learn a lot about my mother. For the first time, I can really sympathize with her. Even though I'll never understand why she turned to drugs in the first place, I'm beginning to see why she couldn't stay away from them.

Her main doctor, Dr. Graham, talked a lot about the actual mechanics of an addiction. He showed pictures of the brain and how different drugs stimulate it and talked about what causes the addiction to become so strong. The next doctor, Dr. Baker, spoke about his wife, who was an addict and, sadly, died from her addiction. He was able to talk about both the clinical and emotional side effects of the drugs, having witnessed it all first hand with someone he knew well.

After a brief session with Paul, where I offered very little and allowed everyone else to do the talking, Renee led me to a room I assumed was normally some sort of cafeteria for the workers, where several rows of folding chairs were lined up in front of a podium.

"What's this?" I ask as we take a seat in the back.

She smiles. "A success story seminar. They've lined up a few patients with success stories to show addicts that we can get back to a normal life."

I nod and look around, only to see Michelle staring at me. She smiles widely and waves and I give her a small smile and wave back.

After about five minutes, I get my phone out to send a few quick messages to Charlie, Jasper and Heidi, just to let them know everything is going well. When I look back up, the seats are all filled and there's a few people milling around towards the back. The microphone squeaks and everyone looks forward.

"Welcome," Dr. Graham says into the microphone. "And thank you all for joining us here today. All of you are here today because you want to get back to your life. You want to beat down the addiction and start living your life again instead of letting your addictions live it for you. We've asked a few guest speakers to come in today to show you that life after an addiction is possible. So let's welcome our guests. First, we have Lena Martin, a former patient who dealt with an alcohol addiction."

Lena stands up from the front row and waves as everyone applauds.

"Second, we have Jason Briggs, a well known sports journalist, who dealt with an addiction to pain killers."

He stands up and gives everyone a small smile as they applaud for him.

"Last, we are very honored to welcome the man who recently made headlines for fighting back against his addiction to cocaine. Let's give a warm welcome to Edward Cullen."

I sit up straight in my chair, eyes wide and heart racing, as Edward Cullen stands up.


	33. Keep fighting

**I'm the worst, I know.**

**I've been doing a lot of traveling and frankly have had zero time to write. But now that my life is getting back to normal, I'm hoping to have this story finished soon. So thank you for those who have stuck with it this long; I'll try and pound out the last few chapters in the next few days. **

**As usual, I own nothing. It's all SM's. **

**I'm also working without a Beta, so sorry for any mistakes. **

**Here we go!**

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><p>I'm sure the first speakers are great. I'm sure they are inspirational and helpful and brave. But I don't hear a word they say. I don't hear a single word. All I can do is stare. My mom keeps looking at me, but I ignore her. He's here. After what feels like ages of only seeing him on magazine covers and on TV, here's here. He's within my grasp and I can hardly breathe.<p>

When he finally stands up, I shrink down farther into my seat, terrified of what might happen if he sees me. Will he be excited? Furious? Indifferent? All feel is an all-consuming fear of how he'll react. Do I even want him to see me? Am I ready for that?

He looks around at the audience awkwardly, and I let my hair fall in front of my face. Thankfully, his eyes glide right over me. He pulls out a few index cards and clears his throat before he starts speaking.

"I know most of you are thinking I don't deserve to be here, and you're right," he begins. "I'm not a success story. I've been clean for a while and I've worked hard to get to where I am, but I'm not a success story. But when I was approached about this opportunity, I thought I might be able to do some good. Not because I'm a success story, but because I'm just like most of you.

"I'm a person who is still fighting daily with my addiction, but I'm winning that fight." He puts down the index cards and looks at the audience again. I keep my hair in front of my face. "Every morning when I wake up, I feel that temptation. I feel the urge to throw all my hard work away and fall back into old patterns. I'm not a success story, but I want to be. And it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. But for those of you out there who are still in the beginning of your fight and are still trying to find a way to win, I want you to look around you. I want you to look at the loved ones who came with you today. I want you to think about the people you've let down in the past because of your sickness. But above all, I want you to think about yourself. Because unless you want to fight back for yourself, you won't get better. Don't just fight for the people you love. Fight for yourself."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before looking down at the podium in front of him. "When I first tried to get better, I only did it for the people I loved. And they're worth it, but I didn't really start to fight until I realized that I was worth it. So I'm not done with my fight, and truthfully, I don't think I ever will be. But I know that my life is worth the fight. The people I love are worth the fight. Fight back. And if I ever see any of you again, I hope I can tell you then that I feel like a success story, and I hope that you can say the same. Keep fighting for you life. Stay strong. Live."

He steps back from the podium and even though I don't have a right, I feel immensely proud of him. He may not see himself as a success story, but I do. To me, he's winning his battle and that's all that matters.

Dr. Graham walks back up to the podium and waits for the applause to die down before speaking.

"Thank you to all three of our guests for sharing with us today," he says, gesturing to where they are all sitting. "Before we finish up, we're going to put aside some time for questions, so if you have-"

Before he can finish talking, someone jumps in front of us. My heart drops into my stomach when Michelle begins to speak.

"Okay, so my question is kind of for Edward," she says, giving him a dreamy smile. "Like, you said that you started to fight back for yourself, but at first you gave up drugs for someone else." Her dad starts to pull on her arm, trying to get her to sit down, but she shrugs him off and keeps going. He lowers his head into his hand. "My mom is kind of the same way. Like she only fights back for me. So, like, what can I tell her to start doing it for herself?"

And then, to my absolute horror, she turns around and looks at me. "And Bella, can you help me to like…deal with the pressure of being someone's reason?"

My eyes shoot to the front and lock with Edward's, who is staring at me, his face completely ashen. My eyes fill with tears of embarrassment, and I quickly wipe them away. I can feel the blood pooling in my cheeks and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

Thankfully, Dr. Graham intervenes. "I was going to say to make a line at the front of the room so you can have a one-on-one. So please hold your questions until it's your turn. Thank you all for being here, and if you have no questions, return to the lobby to learn about what else we are offering today."

Edward and I are still staring at each other, and the humiliation is rolling of me in waves. This isn't how our reunion should have gone. I should have left the minute I realized he was speaking, but I didn't want him to see me sneak out. But this? This is so much worse.

Michelle tries to run to the front of the line, but her father grabs her arm and starts to pull her away. As they walk past me, he apologizes profusely to me, but I just nod until he leaves.

Edward looks at me for one more moment before he directs his attention to a man that approaches him.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

My mom's voice filters into my head and I finally look at her. I shake my head.

"I don't know what to do," I whisper, glancing back at Edward, who now seems totally engrossed in his conversation.

She looks back at him. "Why don't you wait for him to finish up talking and then try to talk to him? It's going to eat away at you if you don't at least try."

After a moment of consideration, I nod. "Fine. I'll meet you inside."

She squeezes my shoulder. "Take your time."

I stand in the back and wait for Edward to finish. Even as he talks to various people, his eyes keep drifting back to me. I'm so nervous, and I keep feeling light headed. I'm tempted to text Jasper and let him now what's going on, but I know if I do he'll call and want to talk but what would I tell him? Nothing has happened yet.

When the last person walks out of the room, Edward stares at me while Dr. Graham leads the other two speakers out a door behind the podium. Time seems to freeze as we watch each other, waiting to see who makes the first move.

I take a step forward, my eyes glued to him to see his reaction.

And then he does something completely unexpected.

He turns around and bolts out the door Dr. Graham just went through. And then it's just me, surrounded by a bunch of empty chairs, staring after him.

~O~

My mom doesn't ask many questions. By the time I was finally able to move and go find her, his driver had already whisked him away. He was gone.

On the way home, I stay silent. My mind is jumbled and full of a million different questions and a million different answers. Why didn't he talk to me? _Because he hates you._

I dig my palms into my eyes and groan. Renee reaches a hand out and pats my knee a few times, but doesn't say anything which is fine by me. I don't want to talk. I have nothing to say. I don't know what I expected him to do. Did I really think he'd want to talk to me? That he would still love me after how awful I was?

When we get back to the house, mom lets me sulk on the couch and gives me my space. She goes into her room, leaving the door open which I know is an invitation to come in and talk. But she's not pushing me, which compels me to go in after a bit.

"Despite what happened at the end," I finally say as I sit down on her bed, "I did enjoy today. I learned a lot. I feel like I understand you a bit better now."

She grins at me. "I'm glad, but that's not what we should be talking about right now."

I fall back onto the bed. "There's nothing to say. He saw me. He left. End of story."

Renee lies down next to me. "I hate to inform you, but it's just the beginning. The look he gave you, Bella? He still cares about you."

"I don't know," I say. "He may care… but I just…"

She gabs my hand. "Give it time," she says. "But until then, I'm going to make some cookies and we'll take it easy tonight. Okay?"

I nod as she stands up and leaves the room. Give it time. Easier said than done.

~O~

At two in the morning, my phone let out a loud beep. I hadn't fallen asleep yet. I was staring at the TV, watching an "I Love Lucy" rerun. I grab my phone, expecting to see a text from Jasper, but instead there's a text from an unknown number.

_I'm not ready. I'm sorry._

_-E_

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><p><strong>There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be jumping ahead in time a little bit again. <strong>

**Please review! I love to hear what you think.**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	34. Who says you can't go home

**Hello friends! **

**Here's the next chapter; I hope you all enjoy it! Again, I'm working without a beta, so please forgive any mistakes. I'm going through the story from the beginning and editing it, so hopefully I can catch the big ones. **

**Everything belongs to SM.**

**Here we go! **

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><p><em>One Year Later<em>

"Welcome home, Bells!" Charlie enthuses with a big smile on his face. He wraps his arms around me and I relax in his comfortable embrace. It's good to be home.

He grabs my bags out of the back of my car while I look around at the familiar greenery of Forks. Though I would never admit it out loud, I missed this place. After spending some time with my mom, and after the disaster with seeing Edward, I left to do a little more traveling, but this time, I went to check out different schools. I was ready to go to college. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life just yet, but I decided going to a university was a good place to start.

After checking out several different schools throughout the US, I decided on a small liberal arts school in New York. I was accepted with a full ride, which was a huge relief to my father and myself. He was glad to pay a $200 plane ticket for me to come home for Christmas over helping me pay a couple thousand a semester.

I'm happy to be home for a few weeks this summer. I have an apartment in New York-and a job-and could only manage to get a few weeks off. Either way, I'm grateful to have some free time to spend with Charlie.

And, of course, there was the wedding.

Alice didn't want to wait that long to get married. After Jasper proposed, it was decided that the wedding would take place just a little over a year later.

Alice's reasoning?

"What's the point in waiting? I love him, he loves me, and I don't want to wait that long to make it official."

After much debate, it was decided the wedding would take place in Forks. It was where they met, and Alice was in love with town church. Surprising everyone, she didn't want it to be a huge event-just family and friends, so the small church would work just perfectly.

I grab the cat carrier on the passenger seat of the rental car (of course I took Velma with me to New York, and I couldn't bring myself to leave her with one of my friends) and follow Charlie into the house. I release her as soon as we walk into the front door and she immediately runs to Charlie's legs, giving them a good rub.

"Missed you too, cat," he says, quietly enough that it's clear he didn't want me to hear it.

Charlie lugs my bags back up to my old room while I go into the kitchen to grab a drink. I smile when I open the door; it's fully stocked with Coca Cola. I grab a can out and pop it open as I listen to Charlie lumber back down the stairs. He comes into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge.

"So when's the dress fitting?" he asks.

I groan. "Don't remind me. I kind of hoped that since I'm technically Jasper's best man that I could get away with wearing pants."

"Alice? Let you wear pants to her wedding?" He gives me a strange look. "Are we talking about the same person?"

Alice loved the idea of me being Jasper's best man. And realistically, I knew I'd have to wear a dress. But Alice insisted that since I wasn't a bridesmaid, my dress should be distinguishably different from the other girls in the wedding. It would be the same color, but a different style.

Because Alice is…well, Alice, she got my size and had the dress made and was able to secure a fitting at a dress shop in Port Angeles with her personal stylist, who would be able to do any altercations before the wedding, which was only five short days away.

The rehearsal dinner was only four days away. In just four short days, I'd have to see Edward again.

I shake the thought off, giving my attention back to Charlie.

"How's Jasper holding up?" he asks, gesturing for me to follow him into the living room.

"He's Jasper." I curl up into the corner of the couch and pat the cushion next to me for Velma. "He came to visit me about a month ago and he seemed good, and when I talked to him yesterday, he sounded pretty calm."

"Is he in Forks yet?"

"Yes, he's supposed to be stopping by tonight actually."

Charlie nods. "What about Ed…wait, am I allowed to ask about that?"

I roll my eyes. "It's fine, dad. Edward won't be here until the rehearsal dinner," I explain. "So basically, I have four days until I lose my mind completely."

"So we're still awkward about that then?"

I roll my eyes again. "Yes."

After that, we thankfully moved to simpler topics, like how finals went and how mom was doing. I never thought that talking about my mother would be easy, but things had only gotten better since my trip to see her. I still got mad at her from time to time; Heidi told me that was normal and that I probably always would. There would be times when she wouldn't know something about me that a mother should know about her child or times where I would remember the anger I used to feel at her and let it control me again. But we got through it. She hadn't had any relapses and was now in a healthy relationship with a guy named Robert. She comes to New York at least once a month to visit me and on her last trip, she brought him with her. He knows everything about her past and accepts her, which is the most important part. He's a good guy.

Jasper shows up a few hours later with Alice, and I'm barely able to open the door before I'm attacked with hugs from them both. After Alice releases me, Jasper gives me a tight hug and my heart squeezes. I had missed my best friend more than I realized.

He kisses my forehead. "I'm so happy you're here, Bella," he says into my hair. "I couldn't do this without you."

I smile up at him and punch him in the arm. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world, Jasper. You know that."

Charlie cooks up some steaks for us on the grill for dinner, and the four of us sit around and catch up. Alice fills us in on all of the wedding details and shows me a picture of her dress when Jasper isn't looking. It's gorgeous, of course. Charlie starts to glaze off when Alice starts to give details on the reception-food, wine choices, cake, etc. He excuses himself around 9:00pm and heads up to bed, even though I'm pretty sure I can hear the quiet sounds of the game coming from the small TV in his room.

Before Alice leaves, she starts to mention the rest of her family. Esme and Carlisle are already in town; Esme will be going with us to get my fitting done tomorrow. Emmett will be flying in tomorrow night with Rosalie. Edward will be flying in on the day of the rehearsal and has a flight scheduled for the day after the wedding to take him back to LA.

I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that he wasn't staying long.

~O~

That night before I go to sleep, I flip on my TV to watch a little _Friends_. I catch it just as it goes to commercial. A trailer for Edward's new movie flashes before my eyes. I turn off the TV, roll over and close my eyes.

Four days.

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><p><strong>I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon (maybe even tonight if I'm feeling super ambitious)!<strong>

**Please review! I love reading what you all have to say. **

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot **


	35. Bachelor Party

**Hello friends!**

**Here's the next chapter. Friendly reminder that I'm working without a beta, so forgive mistakes. **

**SM owns Twilight. **

**Here we go! **

* * *

><p>"You look beautiful, Bella."<p>

"Almost too beautiful. You better not overshadow me on my wedding day. I will cut you."

"Alice!"

"I'm kidding!"

I roll my eyes at Esme and Alice as they continue to talk about my dress and my shoes and how well my dress is going to match Jasper's tux, but not in a manly way, etc.

"Don't move! If I poke you, it will be your fault," the seamstress hisses at me.

Alice's personal fashion guru was a somewhat terrifying Russian woman whose name I can't pronounce. She hasn't poked me with her needles yet, but I feel like a part of her really wants to; she's already yelled at me at least four times. I couldn't even itch my nose without getting yelled at.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is all for Alice and Jasper.

I tune back into Alice and Esme's conversation-they have moved away from talking about me and are now discussing the honeymoon. They're going to France; Alice has always wanted to go just for the fun of it, but the only time they'd gone in the past had been when Edward filmed a movie there.

At the mention of Edward, Esme glances out of me from the corner of her eye. I pretend not to notice. Since I saw her for the first time this morning, she hadn't brought up Edward. Every time the conversation started to lead in that direction, she would steer it away. I appreciated that she was trying to be sensitive, but at the same time, I was going to be seeing him soon. If I couldn't handle talking about him, how was I supposed to handle seeing him?

I clear my throat, making sure to hold still so I don't get yelled at.

"How is Edward?" I ask, pretending to be very focused on my reflection in the mirror.

I see Esme startle slightly, but Alice doesn't miss a beat.

"He's Edward," she says, as if that explains anything. "He's been doing a lot of work out of the country lately. Mainly Canada, but still. Out of the U.S."

"That's…exciting," I stutter out. Not exactly what I wanted to know, but exciting.

"Yeah, well after the wedding, he's heading to Australia for some movie or other," Alice says as she stands to observe the seamstresses' work.

"Wow," I whisper. Australia.

"You are done. I will have dress finished by tomorrow morning," the woman says. "Go take it off _carefully_!"

I resist the urge to salute and go into the dressing room. I look at myself in the mirror. The dress is a light green off the shoulder v-neck. It goes down just below my knees and is made of a really soft, silky material. I have to give it to Alice; she's probably the only bride in the world that would actually pick a dress that I could wear again in the future.

Still, I was happy to put my pants back on.

When I come back out, Alice hands me a box. "Here are your shoes. I figured you might want to practice walking in them."

I take them but don't open the box. I don't even want to know yet.

"Probably a good idea."

Esme and Alice take me out to lunch where we meet up with Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett greets me like we're the oldest and best of friends, wrapping his arms around me in a great big hug. Rosalie is nice to me still, giving me a less abrasive but slightly awkward hug.

Carlisle gives me a warm and welcoming hug. "We've missed you, Bella," he says with a smile.

"I missed you all, too."

We spend a lot of lunch catching up. Emmett and Rosalie moved to Texas a few months after they got married and Rosalie apparently loved it. Emmett said he still wasn't sold on staying there, but I knew if Rose wanted to stay, he wouldn't put up a fight.

They start to ask me a million questions about college and all the traveling I did. The questions all seem innocent enough, until Emmett, being what I can only assume is his usual self, makes things a little uncomfortable.

"Make any interesting friends out there in New York?" he asks. "Are you dating one of those hipster liberal arts students?"

Jasper does a face-palm and Alice glares at her brother.

I try to play it off as casual. "I've met a lot of interesting people, but I've been a little too busy with classes and work to date." I try to think of a way to steer the conversation in a different direction, but come up blank. I look at Jasper for help.

"Bella actually finished her first year with a 4.0," he says with a proud smile. "My little girl is growing up."

I resist the urge to throw one of my fries at him. "It's not that big of a deal; they were all easy classes. I mean, that's how freshman year normally is, right?"

Emmett lets out a guffaw. "Oh please, my freshman year…"

I smile in thanks at Jasper. The rest of the conversation seemed to focus on all of Emmett's crazy antics from his college days. The kid was crazy, which in all honesty didn't really surprise me.

~O~

I spent a full hour walking up and down the hallway in Charlie's house attempting to master the heels Alice gave me. And it wasn't going well.

"Why don't you try straightening your back?" Charlie suggests as he watches the struggle with more than an appropriate amount of amusement on his face.

I grab onto the wall and glare at him. "Oh I'm sorry, dad. I didn't know you were an expert on high heels. Do you want to have a go, show me how it's done?"

Charlie snickers at me, but does the safe thing and walks away. I take the high heels off in a huff and stare at them. They were about 5 inch heels. Normal girls could walk in them easily. But for some reason, equilibrium has never come easy to me. I stare at them, at the shiny silver material, and decide to give up for the evening.

I'm bringing flats to the reception. Alice can just deal with it.

~O~

The night before the rehearsal dinner, I decide to throw Jasper an official bachelor party. And by that, I mean I decided he should come over so we could eat food and watch movies. Alice was fine with it; she said she had too much to do and it would be a blessing to not have to worry about him messing things up.

So that night, we sat on the couch in my living room, an empty pizza box and a half eaten cake sitting on the floor in front of us. We had the pizza delivered, but we saw the premade cake at the store when we ran to get pop and couldn't resist.

Now, we both severely regretted it.

"Hey Bells?"

I grunt in response. I'm afraid if I open my mouth, all the food will come back up.

"I ate too much."

I laugh and regret it immediately. "Me too. But hey, some guys get drunk and make unforgivable mistakes at their bachelor party. But not you. You get a tummy ache from eating too much cake."

He tosses a throw pillow at my head. "Brat."

"What should we watch?" I ask.

"You pick," he says.

I grab the movie _Once_ from the DVD stand and toss it in. Jasper and I discovered it a few years back and thought we were super hipster for watching it. But we both ended up enjoying it a lot and it became one of our favorites.

"So are you nervous?" Jasper asks once the movie starts.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "I think I'm supposed to be asking you that question."

"Yeah, well you can ask me after you answer." He takes a sip of his water as he waits for me to say something.

"Yes, okay?" I say, keeping my eyes glued to the TV. "I'm terrified. But it's not like I haven't seen him at all. He's on every single magazine cover all the freaking time. I'll be okay. Trust me. As far as awkward reunions go, this won't even make my list."

He gives me a look.

"Okay, it'll be on the list, but at the bottom."

"Just promise me that if you need-"

"Jasper," I interrupt, holding a hand up. "Stop it. This wedding is about you and Alice and you officially starting the rest of your life together. My problems with Edward have nothing to do with that. So I want you to stop worrying about me and focus on your wedding."

Jasper smiles at me and grabs my hand. "I just love you, Bells," he says with a smile. "You'll always be my best man."

I smile. "You'll always me my maid of honor."

He hits me with a throw pillow again.

~O~

I've only been to one wedding rehearsal in my life, and that was when I was 13 and Charlie's best friend got remarried. At the rehearsal, we were allowed to wear pants, and the dinner after was held at a pub.

I should have known Alice's would be different.

She called it "semi-formal," which meant she wanted me in a dress. But because of the "semi" part, I decided that wearing my comfortable black flats was okay.

When I show up for the rehearsal at the church, I glance at myself in the reflection of the window. I like simple, but nice. A purple dress that falls below my knees with a modest neckline that only shows my collarbones. My hair is clipped back so it's half up, and I put on a bit of mascara and lip-gloss. I didn't bother with any blush; my face has been flushed since I woke up due to nerves.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and open the door.

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><p><strong>Hehehehe. <strong>

**Next chapter will be up oh so soon! I promise :) **

**Review and let me know what you think!**

**Lots of love, **

**Emilia Elliot **


	36. Rehearsal Pt 1

**Hello friends,**

**Sorry for the delay. I've been going through some personal stuff lately and a good deal of this weekend revolved around family time. This chapter is shorter than the others, but Edward does make an appearance! I promise the next chapter will be up soon and will have a lot more of our favorite couple.**

**SM owns Twilight.**

**Still working without a Beta so please excuse mistakes. **

* * *

><p>As soon as I enter the foyer of the church, Jasper intercepts me. He blocks my view of all the other congregating in the actual church. He gives me a serious look and my stomach rolls. As if I wasn't already nervous enough.<p>

"Is he in there?" I ask, trying to peek around him into the church.

He nods. "And he's looking just about as nervous as you are."

_Good,_ I think to myself. Out loud, I say, "Let's just get this over with."

"Wait," he says seriously. "Before we go in, I need to warn you."

I can feel the blood drain from my face. Warn me about what? My mind quickly blurs through all the possibilities, from him spouting off obscenities about me to him having relapsed.

Jasper shakes his head. "It's nothing bad, I promise. He brought a woman with him, but she's-"

"I knew it," I moan. "Ugh this is going to be so awkward, I should just,-"

"Woman, will you let me finish?!" he says, his voice laced with exasperation. "He brought a woman with him, but it's just his new manager. She's really making sure he keeps his act together. I wanted to warn you before you saw them together and jumped to conclusions, which clearly didn't work since you jumped to conclusions anyway."

"Oh," I say sheepishly. "Sorry. Thanks."

He smiles at me and rolls his eyes, but then his face becomes serious. "Are you going to be okay?" he asks.

I think about it for just a second before I sigh. "I think so. At least this time I had a warning."

"Truth," Jasper says as he offers me his arm. "Just act normal, Bella. And don't go out of your way to make an impression. You've come such a long way. You both have. I don't want this to…you know."

"I understand," I answer, "and I'll be fine. Let's do this."

The church is partially decorated for the next day. People are still hard at work with the flower arrangements and accents, but it already looks beautiful. I spot Alice immediately, talking with Esme and Sue, Jasper's mom. My eyes flit around the church nervously, and my breath catches when I finally catch a glimpse of his blonde hair poking up from behind Emmett, who is eclipsing the rest of him.

A tall blonde woman, standing a few feet behind him, eyes me peculiarly when she looks up from her cell phone, and I figure she must be his new manager. Jasper was right; I would have thought the worst. She's gorgeous.

When Sue spots me, she walks up to me and pulls me away from Jasper and into her arms. If I ever had a mother figure in my life, it was Sue. Seeing her again is comforting and I feel myself relax the smallest bit.

"It has been far too long since I've seen you," she says softly when she pulls back.

"It really has been," I say. "How've you been?"

She grins and looks over at Alice, who is whispering something to Jasper. "My baby is getting married to a wonderful woman. I couldn't be happier," she says earnestly.

"She is great, isn't she?" I say, and I mean it. I've missed Alice in my life.

"She is," Sue says. "But how about you, Bella? Will we be seeing you walk down the aisle anytime soon?"

I can't stop the bark of a laugh that slips out of me at that. I cover my mouth quickly and shake my head. Sue gives me a funny look and I try to make myself look sane again.

"Sometime, Sue, when we have enough time, I'll explain," I promise. "But today is not that day."

"Well look at who's wearing a dress!" I hear from behind me. I turn around to see Emmett coming at me, a smile on his face. "From what I hear, this is a big enough occasion for a party."

I smile at him, but my eyes are locked behind his on a familiar pair of green eyes. After a second, Emmett seems to realize what's happening and moves away. Actually, it seems like everyone moves away as Edward and I walk towards each other slowly, each acting like the other is a skittish bird that may fly away if we get to close.

Finally, _finally_, we're face to face. I look up at him, into his clear green eyes that haunt my dreams each night, and I can't help but smile.

"Hello, Edward," I say.

He smiles back, tentatively, but it does reach his eyes. "Hello, Bella."

"How've you been? I ask. The awkwardness is slipping into the air around us. We can both feel it. He starts to shift his weight back and forth between his legs and I start to bite my lip.

"Good," he says. "Busy. My new manager, Kate, keeps me pretty busy." He gestures to the blonde woman behind him, who waves at me. I wave back, already intimidated. "How about you?"

I nod. "Good. I'm living in New York now. I just came back for the wedding."

His eyebrows rise. "Oh really? Where in New York?"

"A small city a few hours away from NYC," I say, slightly disappointed that he didn't already know this. I figured Alice would have told him, but I guess I was wrong. "I go to a small liberal arts college there."

"That's great, Bella. Really," he says. "Do you like being an English major?"

"I do," I say honestly. "It's a lot of work, a lot of reading. But when have I ever minded-wait." Something he says finally catches up to me. "How did you know I was an English major?" I ask.

His face blushes slightly. "I just figured," he says, too quickly. "You always enjoyed English so much in high school, I just, you know, assumed…"

I suppress a smile. "Oh, that makes sense."

"Listen, Bella," he says, his voice suddenly very serious. "I need to say something. I need to apol-"

"Okay everyone!" Alice says, drawing our attention back to her. "Let's start this rehearsal so we can get to the rehearsal dinner!"

I turn around and glare at her before looking back to Edward.

"I really would like to talk to you," I say honestly.

He sighs in resignation, looking at his sister. "Same," he replies. "Later, during the dinner?"

"Definitely."

* * *

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**Please review. I'll have the new chapter up sometime in the next few days-hopefully tomorrow night if I can find the time to write. I've been juggling this story and one of my other ones, "Cold." Check it out if you have a chance. :)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Lots of love,**

**Emilia Elliot**


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